Stop accepting Empty Praise: How to overcome the "Good Job" Syndrome
Have you ever asked for feedback and ended up super disappointed with what you received? You know the kind I mean: "Keep doing what you’re doing." "Everything was good." "I really liked it." It's frustrating because these comments don’t really help improve anything, do they? Trust me, I’ve been there too. It feels like, “No, no, that’s not what I’m asking for at all!” And when you question further, it might even make you seem ungrateful or difficult just because you want more.
Here’s the thing: I found a way to get super awesome, actionable feedback that genuinely helps me elevate my game. It all came down to being specific—really precise—about what I was asking. I had to sit down and think: What feedback do I want? What do I want to learn? Improve on? Reinforce?
Let me share two cheat questions that changed everything for me, and they can do the same for you. Try asking these:
1. What is it that I do that helps you trust me?
2. How has my coaching impacted your thinking?
Now, I should warn you: often folks aren’t ready to answer these questions right away. But they’ll take some time to think about it, and when they get back to you, the responses can be powerful.
So, the big question for you is: What do you want to learn? What do you want to get better at? Think about how you can ask questions in a way that gets exactly the feedback you need.
Some stuff you can put into action:
1. Get Clear: Take a few moments to consider what feedback would truly help you. Is it about building trust? Growing a skill? Closing a gap?
2. Get Precise: Write down specific questions that will guide the feedback you receive toward these goals. Use the cheat questions as a starting point!
3. Be Patient: Don’t expect immediate answers. Give people time to think and when they come back with insights, it'll be worth the wait.
Remember, be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time. You’ve got this! Let’s keep growing and leave this place better than we found it. Peace✌️
This bit is here for all you awesome folks that enjoy reading. Be warned I am the author which means grammar, spelling, and punctuation are not the focal point of these blog entries😉
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Cultivator of Dreams & Motivator of Human Capital • 2x Internationally Best-Selling Co-Author • Events • Coaching • Consulting • Goal Setting • Accountablilty • Sales • Marketing • Writing • Social Media • Business
1moThank you for the shout out and this message. 😉😁
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1mo“Cease dependence on inspection to achieve quality” Deming “Cover and Move” - Jocko “Stand still and look” Me
Empowering Civil Engineers to Navigate Career Changes | AEC Tech Jobs Co-Founder | Civil Engineer to Bluebeam
1moAs always- love the thought provoking clarity for feedback. The idea of working backwards from the type of feedback you want to focus on and asking the right question to match it. I’m certainly guilty of asking “do you have any feedback” with no specificity! Thank Jesse!
Bridging the Gap between People and Processes I Kindness Dealer I Building Forward® I Lean Practice Leader I Author & Illustrator
1moGreat hug Jesus (Jesse) Hernandez! Super insightful! 😜😉 This hug got me self reflecting on how i provide feedback to others. Surface level feedback and interaction happens a lot in our spaces. Sometimes it is because of availability. Sometimes it is based on the means of communication. My intentional effort is going to be to slow down and focus on the person asking for my advice, and taking the initiative to ask if what I am providing is adding value to their growth.🧡