Stop Disrespecting Your Coworkers' Time in Meetings

A lack of respect can turn small details into big deals, and can cost your company a great deal. Building superior leadership teams means recruiting candidates who are not only qualified, but those who know how to convey respect for their colleagues. This is more critical than ever as we continue to adapt to an increasingly virtual world and increasingly rely on our digital body language skills. Let me explain.

I’ll never forget a 30-minute phone call I once had with four colleagues in which the host waited until approximately the 26th minute to ask, “Does anyone on the line have any thoughts?” Up until then, instead of taking advantage of the four subject matter experts he had on the call, he’d spent most of the meeting lecturing us! Not only did he come across as rude and self-centered (okay, he was rude and self-centered), but by not allowing anyone else to say anything, he was short-changing himself.

Anyone can create new norms and rituals to help ensure a company’s culture puts a premium on recognition and respect.

A senior leader in China named Xu initiated a monthly 60-minute-long video conference call with staffers in all branches to update them on business performance. Deal teams also use these calls to share their success stories. Most begin with a quick self-introduction by new joiners, and a “celebration” of birthdays during that month. Six months into his new leadership position, Xu is reaping the benefits. “People feel more engaged, more a part of the mission,” he says, “because they know just how well they are doing both at the branch and subsidiary levels.”

These are all good examples of how we can show recognition in our digital body language inside our workplace. It probably goes without saying that expressions of gratitude and respect don’t have to be fancy or formal, nor do they require a lot of time. Typing just four extra words — thank you so much — can yield amazing results, and a strong executive team.

Acknowledge individual differences

One of my clients, Lisa, a technology executive, once shared with me the challenges she has in meeting the needs of both the introverts and extroverts on her team. “It’s hard enough to manage the differences between introverts and extroverts with regular face time with my team,” she told me. “Now I find my introverts won’t jump in on phone calls or in rapid email exchanges because the louder voices still monopolize the conversation.” Lisa also found that her whole team was less likely to share difficult news with her on team calls because they feared it would sound disrespectful, as though they were trying to throw others “under the bus.”

To address this, Lisa has created a process following every monthly strategy call. She asks every team member to email her directly by the end of the week and answer two questions: “What’s the bad news I don’t want to hear?” and, “What might we have missed in our last discussion?” She does this for a couple of reasons.

First, asking for bad news creates a regular space to speak up about challenges in the business. Second, Lisa’s introverts require more time to process ideas overall, and are more likely to speak up in an email or one-on-one. By giving them the space to think through the questions, Lisa gets excellent insights she wouldn’t have gotten in the meeting, while reducing overall cultural groupthink. Lisa is also aware of the different ways team members engage in conversation, and goes out of her way to meet them where they are comfortable — during a one-on-one post-meeting call, or at a small group lunch. Bottom line: everyone feels more respected.

In our increasingly competitive workplaces — where both the pace and the technology make it easy to lose touch with the human connection — this kind of valuing process makes a difference.

Become a Meeting Ninja

Showing respect visibly requires you to “watch the clock” — and I mean that literally. This may seem overly tactical to some people, but I find that when people don’t respect others’ time in meetings by phone, video or face to face, it’s just as bad as not valuing you at all.

Take Jonathan, who was invited to join a team conference call the night before it began. At first, he felt overlooked before the discussion even began — he had no idea what the meeting was even for, he soon realized that most of the others had no idea why they were there either, who else was coming, how long the meeting was going to last, or why what was being discussed couldn’t have been communicated in an email.

Five minutes into the discussion, Jonathan stopped the host. “Excuse my interruption,” he said, “but before we really dive in, can you share what success looks like at the end of this meeting and what the agenda will be? And could we do 10 second introductions of who’s on the call?” Immediately, a clear purpose was established. Everyone had clarity on the value that they were expected to provide to the meeting, and what they should expect going forward.

How can leaders create meetings that value and respect their teams?

Design meetings with a clear agenda and plan to offer clear action steps at the end. This shows respect for your colleagues’ time, while also communicating accountability. At the beginning of a meeting, say, “What success looks like for this meeting is XYZ…” At the end, recap if you’ve achieved that success, or list what’s missing.

At the start of every meeting or phone call, set aside five minutes to make introductions. Ask everyone to share one personal or professional update. This allows for increased vulnerability, familiarity and trust, and helps everyone involved understand where their colleagues are at.

Twenty-four hours before the meeting, distribute an agenda that encourages different members to lead a section of the meeting. Periodically ask for input, instead of waiting until the end. Let everyone pitch in. If you’re on a phone call, ban the Mute button in order to minimize awkward pauses and multitasking.

Becoming a meeting ninja is also about knowing when to exclude others from meetings in deference to their time. For example, one chief of staff for a Fortune 500 Chief Digital Officer regularly removes senior leaders from recurring meeting invitations when their input is no longer needed.

Put simply, we all value our time, and showing our respect for it has an outsized impact on people’s happiness and overall commitment to work.

Ban multitasking

It’s 4:15 p.m. on Wednesday, and I’m responding to my emails on one tab, doing some early Christmas shopping on another, and choosing a restaurant for dinner on my phone. Just as I’m closing in on the perfect Christmas gift, a voice shocks me back into reality… “Erica, what do you think?… Erica. Erica? Erica!”

Right. I’m on a conference call. “Sorry about that, I was on mute,” I say, even though I wasn’t on mute, I was just focusing on other things. What was everyone just talking about? Business planning? “Yes, I’m in total agreement with that last statement,” I blurt out, swiftly shutting my half-dozen open browser tabs, and taking a deep breath. Did everyone know I hadn’t been listening? “Oh, wonderful, that’s good news,” someone says. “Thanks Erica.” Saved. Barely.

We all have weaknesses, and mine are browser tabs and Mute buttons. As everyone knows, it’s dangerously easy to multitask during a phone or conference call, though I’m guiltily aware it reduces my active listening. Well, at least I’m not alone. In one study, roughly 65 percent of respondents admitted to doing other work or sending emails while participating in conference calls.

That’s why I’ve made it a point to ban the use of the Mute tool on all my team calls. When other people pick up on the fact that you’re multitasking, it can ruin a team’s synchronicity, and distract people from the topic at hand. Once we become aware of the perils of multitasking, we inevitably realize how it affects our own attention, and hopefully change our ways.

In the end, conveying respect for our colleagues digitally is very simple. It’s all about making people feel appreciated in the workplace. If we want to strengthen global leadership in the future, respect should be an essential consideration for everyone. The success of our industries depends on it.

Erica Dhawan is a leading expert on 21st century teamwork and communication. She is an award winning keynote speaker and the author of the new book Digital Body Language. Download her free guide to End Digital Burnout. Follow her on Linkedin.