Stressed? Shift Your Focus!

First a quote; “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James

Good morning and happy Monday.

In a stress management webinar, which I facilitated not all that long ago, more than 80% of the participants reported feeling more anxious and stressed than ever. It seems so many of us are suffering from a “post-Covid” hangover of sorts.

Recurring headlines in the news certainly don’t help: mass shootings, violence, political divisiveness, economic uncertainty, social unrest, and the war in Ukraine, just to name a few.

Many of my friends have reported increased tensions in their personal lives too, even within loving families with strong relationships. Patience and tolerance seem to be running low at a time when more is needed, seemingly everywhere.

Isn’t this so typical of life in general? Sometimes when life needs us to be at our very best, it is so easy to be at our worst. 

Click here to read: Being Our Best Self - Now is the Time!

Today, I offer a powerful stress-management concept or approach I have labeled, “Making the Shift.”

If you’re a parent, do you remember teaching your teenager to drive? Do you remember what it felt like to sit in the passenger seat of your family vehicle as your teenager sat in the driver’s seat for the first time?

Do you remember pumping the non-existent brake pedal as you sat on the passenger side of the car? Can you remember your stress level as you approached a busy intersection, perhaps going just a tad too fast?

How about sitting in the passenger seat when your spouse is behind the wheel, perhaps distracted by something outside of their side window, not seeing the breaking traffic ahead? 

Or maybe you’re behind the wheel. As an experienced driver you may feel confident and in control under normal driving conditions; but now, in heavy traffic on snow-covered mountain roads, you grip the wheel tightly as your stress level escalates.

Here is the point. Our stress level tends to go up, or down, in direct response to our sense of control over the current situation. Stress goes up when our life feels out of control. The opposite is true as well; our stress level tends to go down when we feel like we’re in control of the world around us. (Or at least our own little part of the world.)

“If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control - myself.” – Stephen Covey

Do you remember the early months of 2020? COVID-19 seemed to throw our sense of control of everything into a giant tailspin. It is no wonder most of us felt major stress. So many of the things we took for granted seemed out of our control. Do you remember thinking: 

• Will I be able to find baby food or toilet paper?
• When can I go back to work?
• When will this pandemic end? How will it end?
• How will I pay rent this month?
• Where will my family’s next meal come from?
• Will I bring the virus home to my family if I go to work?

Those were unsettling questions for most of us. For the most part, the answers were out of our span of control… therefore, sources of stress for most of us.

So, what is the powerful mental shift for reducing stress? Focus on what you can control. While we can’t control much of the outside world, we can control our inside focus. We can control our thoughts, actions, decisions, how we spend our time, and the attitudes we display for others to see. For example: 

• I don’t control what is reported on the news. I do control if I watch the news, when I watch it, or even which news source gets my attention.
• I don’t control what others post on social media. I do, however, control what I choose to post, or whether I spend time on social media at all.
• I don’t control what others do or don’t do. I do control my actions and behaviors and my response to what others do and do not do. I can be the change I desire to see in the world.
• I control my breathing, food choices, activities, exercise choices and how I spend my free time.
• I can choose to meditate, read, study, learn a new skill, exhibit a positive attitude.

We almost always control more than we might initially assume. Our power to reduce the stress we feel comes from our ability and power to choose who and what gets our attention and energy.

 “You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.” – Wayne Dyer

Are you feeling significant stress in your life? Now might be a great time to learn more about mindfulness. There is no better time for increased levels of emotional intelligence. Repeating the opening quote, William James was correct when he said: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

I have always found the Serenity Prayer (attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr and made popular by Alcoholics Anonymous) to be instructive; it feels timely as most of us are experiencing ever-increasing levels of stress in our lives. Here it is:

"Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I also learned a modified version of the same prayer you might enjoy as well; it goes like this: 

"Please grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know… that person is me."

Our friends, families, co-workers, neighbors, indeed much of the world, need us to be at our best more often. Let’s all work at being our “best selves” this week.

Everyone can make a difference, and everyone should try. How can you be your best self this week?

Have a great week! Sincerely,

Bryan Yager

“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”

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Bonus Quotes: 

• “It’s not stress that kills us; it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye
• “Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.” – Henry Ward Beecher
• “In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca
• “Doing something that is productive is a great way to alleviate emotional stress. Get your mind doing something that is productive.” – Ziggy Marley
• “Stress is caused by being ‘here' but wanting to be ‘there’.” – Eckhart Tolle
• “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” – Leo F. Buscaglia
• “It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.” – Lou Holtz
• “Remember that stress doesn’t come from what’s going on in your life. It comes from your thoughts about what’s going on in your life.” – Andrew Bernstein
• “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.” – Fred Rogers
• “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius