Stuck in the middle with you

I’ve talked about ‘beginnings’ in the context of a counselling/therapeutic relationship, but as I said at the time, a beginning assumes a middle and an end. 

One of the things I loved about this section of the COSCA course, and the training in general for that matter, was that it didn’t just look at what we could do, it also looked at how we could do it.  Ways of doing, but also ways of being.   

All sections of this process are essential, but it’s the middle of a relationship where the work gets done.  The deepest and most effective work.  I’ve lifted a section of the COSCA materials to illustrate the ways of being for each part of this process. 

Now we’ve talked before about the ‘core conditions’ of acceptance, genuineness and empathy, and how these are essential at the start to build a bond of trust and create openness.  Without this we can’t really hope to have much effect. 

But then we get to the middle.  This is the heart of the process where we need to increase the empathy, listen deeply, and truly understand what the speaker is telling us.  This is the only way we can hope to guide someone into discovering insights that will have a positive impact. 

And inevitably, beyond the middle, comes the end.  As we already considered, it might not be that common to make new friends and develop new, deep relationships.  Likewise, it’s not that common that we consciously end a deep connection or relationship.   

I’ve done a lot of reflecting as I’ve gone through this training, and part of writing these posts is to support my continuing reflections (and to share things with you as well). 

I found it interesting to use this as a model to reflect on my existing relationships and friendships.  What are my ways of being with the people that matter to me, am I ‘being’ the way that I want to be? 

Likewise I’ve reflected on the friendships that I don't have any longer, or those that have faded and become less strong.  I realised that there were some friendships that were stuck for me, one’s that had changed but that I hadn't processed or accepted the change.  I’ve tried to accept and let go the friendships that are gone, and simply value what they were.   

But I’ve also reflected on some friendships that have faded that I don’t want to lose, and this experience has caused me to reach out and reconnect with people who still matter to me.  I accept it doesn’t always follow that others will feel the same, and if they don’t then I’ll need to move into acceptance, but I have reconnected with some people and I’m enjoying that connection. 

This time of year is a good time for reflecting, and an excuse for reconnecting. 

So, how are you ‘being’ with your friends and the people that matter to you?  Would you want to make any updated or alterations to those relationships? 

And what about people you have lost touch with.  Is there anyone you want to reach out and connect with?