The Subtle Science of Giving People Your Warmth

It costs nothing. It means everything.

I spent so many years focused on everything I thought I needed to succeed in my career — Perfecting my resume, sharpening my technical skills, polishing my LinkedIn, growing my network, learning how to communicate effectively, and preparing myself for interviews.

I thought I had it all figured out.

I did everything I was taught. As the years and decades passed, I realized that while those skills and strategies were important, they weren’t the things that mattered.

There was something else that I hadn’t been taught in school or learned in any workshop. I didn’t see it on resumes and I wasn’t finding courses online or books that taught it. You couldn’t measure it with a test score or include it in your portfolio. I sensed it as a quality that companies wanted in candidates, but could rarely articulate.

Yet, it appeared in small, memorable moments and actions. It played a huge role in how I experienced others and how successful I saw them become in their jobs.

At first, I didn’t recognize what it was.

I noticed colleagues who had it, meetings going smoothly, and people I trusted more easily with my thoughts, feelings, and concerns. These skills felt like natural parts of how I interacted with them. The more I reflected on these experiences, the more I understood that these small acts of connection impacted me deeply and created some of my best relationships.

That’s when I uncovered what was happening.

Others were giving me their warmth.

They were not just being nice. It wasn’t charisma. There was something they did to make people feel valued, understood, heard, and cared about. It was goodness coming out of them and made me want to be around them. They exuded warmth and weren’t selective or fake about who they gave it to. People were drawn to them through their magnetic quality.

As I continued to lean into this, I saw how giving others warmth transformed their relationships and created unexpected opportunities.

And that’s what I want to dive into: understanding what warmth really is, why it matters so much, and how you can give others more of it to build a successful and fulfilling career.

Technical skills and knowledge will only get you so far. How you make others feel — the warmth you bring and give them — can be the difference between simply doing your job and truly excelling in it.

Warmth has a powerful effect on how others perceive you, experience you, and how you navigate your professional life. Giving others your warmth is the ability to make people feel seen, heard, and valued. Warmth turns a good interaction into a great one and helps you build trust and strong relationships with the people you work with.

What is this thing called warmth?

Warmth is an intangible quality that doesn’t appear in bullet points on a resume. I like how this Reddit thread started with the following question:

“What’s a social skill you really believe works, but is unpopular?”

And check out the first response:

“Warmth. I think people perceive bringing warmth to others as “being fake” because people have trouble bringing themselves to an emotional state where they feel warmth. However knowing how to do this is very effective at connecting with others, so it’s worth learning how to both feel and express warmth.”

When I talk about warmth, I’m not referring to the temperature of a room, the number you change on your thermostat, or how cozy you feel in a sweater. Warmth, in this context, is about the way you make others feel when they’re around you. Warmth is the sense of trust, comfort, and friendliness you convey through your words, actions, and body language.

Warmth is your degree of caring disposition.

“The warmth trait measures the extent of a person’s tendency to seek emotional closeness with others or be socially and interpersonally reserved.” Source

Warmth is what makes people feel safe and valued in your presence. It’s your smile when you greet someone, your genuine interest in their thoughts, and the attention you offer during your time with them. Warmth forms the foundation of trust and respect.

Clinician Heidi Goehmann beautifully calls warmth “an emotion of welcome”, and has the following definition:

“Warmth is energy going out from our person and permeating another, threads of small kindnesses — a smile, a gesture, an open posture, curiosity, non-judgment — that weave us together and build the safety of a relationship.”

Warmth is a key component of emotional intelligence (EQ), which encompasses the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also being attuned to the emotions of others. High EQ individuals are often those who can naturally convey warmth, as they are skilled at empathy, active listening, and responding to the emotional needs of others.

Why is warmth so important?

Humans are hardwired to respond positively to warmth. When someone perceives you as warm, their brain releases oxytocin, often called the “love hormone” or “bonding hormone.” This chemical makes them feel connected to you and creates trust and cooperation.

A study published in the American Psychological Foundation (Susan T. Fiske and Amy J. C. Cuddy, Princeton University) found that warmth is often more important than competence when people form their first impressions of you. This doesn’t mean that competence isn’t important. Competence is about knowing what you’re doing.

Let’s try and unpack that.

Social psychologists have long studied the role of warmth in human interactions. Research consistently shows that warmth is one of the primary dimensions on which we evaluate others, alongside competence. What is particularly interesting is that warmth is often judged before competence, influencing our overall impression of someone before we even assess their abilities.

This suggests that in many cases, the success of professional relationships hinges more on the emotional tone of interactions than on the specific content of the communication. By leading with warmth, you set a foundation for more productive and positive exchanges.

You become someone others want to work with when you offer others your warmth. Your teammates will be more open to sharing ideas, offering help, and giving you their best efforts. Warmth makes you a more effective leader, a better collaborator, and a person others enjoy being around.

At this point in the article, you might think, “Okay Mike, I get why warmth is important, but how do I actually show it?” The good news is that warmth isn’t something you’re born with — it’s something you can develop.

Here are a few science-backed, practical ways to convey warmth.

1. Be an active listener: When someone is speaking to you, give them your full attention. Be attentive. This means putting away distractions, maintaining eye contact, and focusing on what they’re saying. Active listening is a whole-body soft skill. It involves your eyes, ears, mind, and heart. Active listening shows that you value their words and are genuinely interested in what they’re saying.
2. Give a genuine smile: Smiling creates a happiness feedback loop. A smile can go a long way in making others feel welcome and appreciated. But it needs to be genuine. A real smile reaches your eyes and reflects your true feelings. Practice smiling more often, especially when greeting others or when someone enters your space.
3. Show empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understanding their feelings, thoughts, and perspectives will help you respond in a way that acknowledges their experience. Empathy can motivate you to take actions that improve the lives of others. Empathy is a cornerstone of warmth because it shows that you care about others on a deeper level.
4. Notice your body language: Your body language can communicate warmth even before you say a word. Open gestures, relaxed posture, and nodding when someone is speaking are all ways to show that you’re approachable and engaged.
5. Be grateful and appreciative: Expressing thanks and acknowledging others’ contributions is a simple yet powerful way to show warmth. The easiest place to start is to show gratitude and appreciation for the time others give you.
6. Adopt a goal of consistency: Warmth isn’t just about one-off gestures; it’s about being consistently kind, approachable, and respectful to all people. This builds trust over time and solidifies your reputation as someone who others feel good around.

My promise to you.

Let’s bring this full circle, back to our careers and how warmth might impact you. What exactly will warmth do for you in your career? Here are a few key benefits:

You will notice improved relationships

Warmth helps you build stronger, more positive relationships with your coworkers, managers, and clients. These relationships can lead to better teamwork, more support, and greater opportunities for collaboration.

“If we want to bridge divides, we need to harness our empathy skills and develop emotional warmth towards others.” ~Elizabeth A. Segal, Ph.D.

You will have increased influence

Warmth makes your influence feel less like coercion and more like guidance. People are more likely to listen to and be persuaded by someone they trust and feel comfortable with. Warmth can enhance your influence in meetings, negotiations, and decision-making processes.

Better career opportunities will come your way

Warmth makes you more memorable in a positive way. People remember how you made them feel, and when you consistently leave others with a good impression, you’re more likely to be considered for promotions, leadership roles, and other opportunities.

You’ll experience greater job satisfaction

When you prioritize warmth, you create a more positive work environment — not just for others, but for yourself too. A workplace where people feel valued and connected is a more enjoyable place to be.

Warmth is your superpower.

As you further your career as an individual contributor or a leader, remember that your technical skills and knowledge are only part of the equation. Warmth will be a significant soft skill to your success. Warmth is a soft skill you give to others. The warmth you offer them costs nothing, but it could mean everything.

❤️

Thanks for reading!

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