SUCCESS – beyond your imagination!

For a long time, I have wanted to write about the concept of success – a notion that has unfortunately become synonymous with external and material achievements such as winning awards, looking attractive, owning luxurious possessions or being famous.

Each year, Business Insider publishes a list of who they believe are the 50 most successful people in the world. Many of these people fit society’s description of success, such as:

• Kylie Jenner (21), the world’s youngest self-made billionaire
• Cardi B (26), Grammy winner for best rap album
• Kate Middleton (37), Duchess of Cambridge
• Satya Nadella (51), CEO who reinvented Microsoft
• Pope Francis (82), recognised for calling out clergy sex abuse
• Ruth Bader Ginsburg (86), a US Supreme Court Justice who has served for 25 years

While I deeply respect these people for their achievements, their ways of being and their courage, I would never want to change places with any of them! I don’t think I would enjoy the lives they have, and thus I wouldn’t feel happy and fulfilled. I don’t want to rap in front of audiences, I don’t want to live in the Vatican and I’m not sure I’m well suited to following the royal protocol.

The reality is many public figures considered successful by worldly measures are in fact deeply troubled and empty. Fame, wealth and status does not always equal fulfilment or happiness.

I believe only a small percentage of us have defined what success means to us personally – real and authentic success. A version of success that, while pursuing and when achieving, can be a source of enduring fulfilment and happiness.

But if fame, riches and material achievements don’t entitle us to authentic success – then what does?

In 1904 the American author Bessie Anderson Stanley poetically wrote:

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; Who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; Whose life was an inspiration; Whose memory a benediction.

This probably comes closest to my personal definition of authentic success; and if Bessie were alive today, I’m sure she would talk about pure men and intelligent women too!

Over the years I’ve had the privilege of meeting many people that have met my definition of success – people that are deeply happy, fulfilled and seem to have found an enduring sense of joy. Some of them are in the public eye, others live relatively quiet lives.

What ties them together is they have each lived true to four pillars that have shaped their lives – and I believe these four pillars are the key to the journey of a successful life.

1.     Purpose: be clear on your passion, your dreams, and what you can uniquely give the world. Separate what you want from what others expect.

2.     Aspiration: define your scale of achievement and the size of stage you want to play on. Bigger is not always better. The key is being clear on what you want.

3.     Roadmap: designate your ‘Northstar’ and then make a plan. This will anchor your purpose and aspiration and provide direction.

4.     Calibration: life evolves and so do our dreams. Make thoughtful revisions along the way – after all, we only have one life to live.

For the remainder of this article, I want to dive deeper into each of these pillars – and forewarning – I have a few exercises that will keep you actively engaged!

Purpose

I hope you can humour me for a moment with an exercise. Right now, pause for 60 seconds and ask yourself and ponder this question, what is my purpose?

(Pause for 60 seconds now…)

Did your purpose immediately spring to mind? Or was this an uncomfortable exercise? It’s ok if you’re still searching – many of us are. You can start today by asking yourself, what do I care about? What am I passionate about? What do I dream about? And the scary – yet fun one – how do I want people to talk about me once I die? (We’re starting to get deep!)

While constructing your purpose, you might consider broad themes such as altruism over avarice, productivity over pride, and intellect over Instagram fame. You see where I’m going. Also, try to separate what you want from what society, your peers – and even your family – expects of you.

Discovering your personal purpose is the first step on the road to real success.

Aspiration

The next step is understanding the scale of what you want to achieve – and specificity matters. What impact do you want to have on the world? Bigger is not always better. Enjoying a career as a local stand-up comedian may be more fulfilling than performing in Madison Square Garden. The key is being clear on what you want.

As you define your aspiration, having a clear vision in your mind of what you aspire to achieve is a powerful concept. If you’ve never tried this, I have another exercise for you.

Right now, for 60 seconds, ask yourself and ponder this question, what will I achieve in 10 years? Be a little more specific this time while envisioning your success: what will you look like? How will you feel? How will others feel? Take one minute to build this mental picture.

(Pause for 60 seconds now.)

Do you have a clearer picture of what you’re aiming for? Hopefully this exercise gave you a sense of optimism and anticipation. With this exercise you can envision a year from now, five years from now, or any period of time. Having a clear vision of where you want to go creates the energy you need to work toward your ambitions.

Roadmap

The next step on the road to success is designating your ‘Northstar’ and then following the tried and tested concept of planning. Your Northstar should represent the finish line in what you want to achieve. You may have more than one Northstar, but you probably want to keep it to a small number – too many and you will lack focus.

This next exercise is better completed when you have ample time to work distraction free. The exercise is taking time to think deeply about the route you must follow to achieve your aspirations. What works best for me is writing down what I need to achieve in one, two, five, and 10-year milestones from today.

Creating a roadmap also guards against two specific behavioural traits that we all have: (1) we underestimate how quickly time will pass and (2) we underestimate the effort required to accomplish a task (study). If you would like to have a corporate career and also have five children, a clear roadmap will probably be required to achieve both.

While developing your roadmap, I recommend you share your thinking with an ‘inner circle’ who can validate how realistic your aspirations and roadmap are. This step of planning and foresight will go a long way to enable you to meet your ambitions and help you live your purpose.

Calibration

This last step is the healthy dose of realism that will stop us from banging our head on locked doors, when better ones may be open. We are constantly learning and growing, and it’s perfectly acceptable for our purpose and aspirations to evolve.

Calibrating enables you to check your progress and determine if what you’re doing is still making you happy and fulfilled. This doesn’t mean giving up when things are difficult and just taking the easy route – it’s about thoughtful revisions along the way. At twenty we may dream to be a Rockstar, but at thirty we may want to start an NGO to change the world.

Steve Jobs famously said that he would wake up every morning and ask himself in the mirror if he was enjoying his work. If the answer was “no” for too many months in a row, he would intervene. I myself have found this to be helpful and it has influenced some of my biggest career decisions along the way. Whether you do this exercise in a mirror, a journal or the occasional chat with yourself in the car, you are the one person that truly knows how you feel, and you have the power to make a change. 

Finish with no regrets

As I have previously said, success must be deeply personal, and we must not chase the world’s view of success. Real and authentic success goes hand-in-hand with happiness, fulfilment, enduring joy and living without regrets. It’s also important to remember to enjoy and appreciate each moment on your journey. The road to success should be as fulfilling as reaching the finish line.

Going back to Bessie’s poem, there are 3 questions that I regularly ask myself:

1. Am I following my purpose and contributing to society?
2. Have I inspired others and earned their respect?
3. Do I enjoy life and all it has to offer?

There is no single recipe for living a successful life. It’s more complex than that. But the exciting thing for all of us is that success is whatever we want it to be. We determine our own Northstar, our own path and our own achievements. It is in our control. It may be one of the more complex things we manage in life – but I’ve learnt the best things usually are.