The Successism Dilemma: Confronting and Redefining Success as we get older.

As I journey through life, my concept of success is undergoing a profound transformation. This evolution, both deeply personal and universally observed, as I get older, I feel the shift from seeking external validation to finding internal satisfaction, trying to move beyond ego-driven ambitions to a quest for meaning that transcends traditional achievements. I am still finding this transition challenging at times, to be honest.

So, as I stand at the mid-point of life, I am witnessing this shift in myself. Also, standing back, I have noticed a societal obsession with success that often overlooks individual growth.

I recently listened to Chip Conley on Rich Roll’s podcast, and he discussed the notion of “Modern Elderhood”, which resonates with this transition. His path from entrepreneur to mentor exemplifies the shift from valuing accumulation to cherishing wisdom and contribution. Yet, as we mature, I find there is a silent struggle—a battle for relevance in a society enamoured with success or what is often called successism. This personal battle contributes to the facade we often present to the world.

This facade—the version of ourselves curated for the external approval of society—often masks our true selves, and I now believe leading to a dissonance between who we are and who we project to be. I think the discrepancy or distance between who we are and who we project to be is often actually the distance of our anxiety and sometimes depression, as it can foster a sense of isolation and distress. The drive to maintain this projection and live up to society's narrow definitions of success challenges our understanding of authenticity and erodes our mental well-being. This often translates into what I reflect upon as a mid-life crisis.

Our relentless pursuit of societal success metrics, or bias towards successism—wealth, status, power—I think for many begins to wane as we start to seek authenticity in our relationships, our work, and within ourselves. Sometimes, we wake up in life and realise this but feel we are in so deep, we have to just solider on, or we decide to detonate our lives, making significant shifts, without really understanding why.

It might be that we hit the crossroads of wisdom gained through our experiences, which starts to overshadow our achievements, transforming our narrative from accolades to actual thoughts of legacy - not what we can get from the world, but more what we will leave behind.

Yet, the societal celebration of material success often overlooks the profound contributions of those who have ventured beyond conventional success.

So, I think the aspiration to have success is not in dispute, more, what we all classify as success is the evolution we all go through in life.

So what the hell does that all mean? It may be embracing a more inclusive definition of success and often rejecting what society projects upon us. This may materialise in prioritising the depth of experience of life over the allure of achievement. This journey might redefine ambition, orienting it towards goals that provide fulfilment and meaning beyond the superficial ego desires or engaging in the economy of successism in society.

In my personal evolution, the number one challenge requires me to confront the challenge of 'remaining relevant' to ourselves and society. I find it a delicate balance between embracing the wisdom of my years and resisting the societal pull to conform, and I think, at times, I could do a better job.

Reflecting on life's journey, I often wonder if we've unwittingly confined ourselves within a framework of societal expectations, a kind of social bondage that begins with an education system emphasising conformity over individuality. This path leads us to chase after home ownership, binding us to jobs that may not resonate with our true essence. The hours stretch long, all for the fleeting respite of a two-week holiday each year, a small reward for our year-round toil. And then, there's the long-awaited promise of retirement—held out as the golden era to do everything we've ever wanted, yet arriving at a time when we might no longer have the same energy or health. This often dawns on us, and I think, what may cause a midlife crisis?

As I ponder these thoughts, it strikes me that this pursuit might have led us away from our authentic selves, living lives that feel more like a carefully staged play than a true expression of who we are. In this quiet contemplation, I am not judgmental, but I am starting to reimagine what life could be when we align more closely with our genuine desires and values. Everything is only a construct, and maybe we are just feeling trapped. What could we actually do to rethink how we transition through life or how we actually live life? Obviously, there is a balance between all this and being more thought-provoking than anything with these thoughts.

I think it is always good to challenge ourselves, and by doing so, we not only find peace within ourselves but also maybe light the way for others, maybe even our kids, proving that success is not just about what we achieve but who we become in the process.

Friday reflections.

As always, I would genuinely love to hear people's thoughts.

Have a great weekend.