Ever Have "Who Am I?" Doubts?

"If you worry you're a narcissist, you're not." - Sam Horn

While coaching a book client today, she told me she was suffering from Imposter Syndrome. “Who am I to write a book?" she asked. "I don’t have all the answers. It's like I'm putting myself on a pedestal. It feels a little arrogant.”

I told her, “The very fact that you’re asking yourself these questions indicates you have a conscience - which means you care about delivering value. It’s the people who don’t even care if readers benefit from their work that are arrogant.”

Do you know anyone who's not sharing their work because it's not perfect or because they're not perfect? 

Instead of calling that the Imposter Syndrome, call it The Creator's Conundrum.

You hope you have something of value to offer but aren't sure.

You have something you want to create, but doubts are holding you back.

The good news is, you can put those doubts behind you once and for all. Here's how.

As Executive Director of the Maui Writers Conference, I'll always remember a woman at our first event who looked on the verge of tears. I went over and asked, "Are you okay?"

She said, "No, I'm not okay. I don't belong here."

"Really? Why do you feel that way?"

“Who am I to write a book? I don’t have a Ph.D. I'm not the world's expert on this topic. It almost feels out of integrity to do this."

I asked her, "What do you want to write about?”

“My husband and I adopted a child, and it’s been more challenging than we anticipated. I went to the bookstore and our local library to try to find a book that could help, but they were these ‘Pollyanna’ books about what a blessing and joy it is to be an adoptive parent. They just made me feel worse. I want to write the book I need I can’t find.”

“Got it. What’s an example of what you want to write about?”

“I want to write about the things many adoptive parents are too embarrassed to admit. Like the time Ari was three years old and I fixed spaghetti for dinner. He reached across the table, picked up a handful and threw it in my face. My first thought was, ‘MY son would never have done that.' I was so ashamed that thought had even occurred to me.”

“What else?”

“I want to share that, even though it's been challenging, when it’s time to send pictures of Ari to his birth mother, I still edit out the cute ones because I live in daily fear she’s going to change her mind and want him back.”

I said, “Jana, the question to ask isn't "Who am I to do this?" .... the question to ask is "Will someone reading my book benefit?" 

If your stories and insights might add value for others – then not only do you have a right to right, you have a responsibility to write."

Have you ever thought about it that way?

Ideas in your head help no one.

If your creative project might make a difference for even one person ... it's time to get it out of your head and into the world.

Jana Woolf stopped doubting and started writing. turn her writing dreams into reality. Check out her book Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother. It is still making a difference for people 20 years after it was first published. In fact, not a week goes by that Jana doesn’t hear from someone who gets in touch to say, “I thought I was the only one.”

Do you have lessons-learned you want to share? A business you want to start? A product you want to invent? Artistic ability you want to express?

 It can't add value if you keep it to yourself. 

If your goal is to share something that might make a difference, you're coming from the right place. You're not an imposter, you're an entrepreneur.

You're not saying your project is perfect and you're not saying you're perfect.

You're saying, "This is something I've created. I hope it might have value for you."

Pablo Picasso said, "The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose is to give it away."

Gifting what you're good at is the purpose and meaning of life.

If your intent is to add value, get what you care about out of your head and into the world.

I promise, you will never be sorry you wrote your book, you will only be sorry you didn't write it sooner. 

- - -

Sam Horn is the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her 3 TEDx talks and 9 books have been featured in NY Times, on NPR, and taught to Intel, Cisco, Fidelity, Boeing. One of Sam's great joys in life is helping people get their books out of their head and into the world.