Supercharge your powers of persuasion
Alistair Davis
Helping Tech Teams Get Leads & Sell Complex Tech Licenses & Services Using Psychology & Tried-Tested approaches
Hi, it's me Al. Welcome to this issue of The Speakeasy.
Do you want to know how to make people like you, trust you, and do what you want?
Obviously you want that. It's like asking a small child if they want their bed to be made out of chocolate.
What I am offering is not a chocolate bed. In fact, a chocolate bed is a terrible idea. Small children have an alarming lack of foresight and the majority of their wishes should be roundly ignored, especially this time of year.
What I have is a blueprint. A blueprint to supercharge your powers of persuasion. It is something I have been refining (even though I didn't know it back then) since I gave my very first sales presentation, way back when I was a small child. I was seven. Ironically, I was paid in chocolate. Nowhere near enough to sleep in, though. We really had it rough back then.
Over the next few issues of The Speakeasy, I'm going to share this blueprint with you.
What you'll build with it
What you don't need
What you do need, is simple:
You need to bring a handful of simple elements into your interactions. The good news is that many of these are things that you're probably already doing! In this series of newsletters we’re going to identify them, focus our energy on them, extract their benefits, and make them really work for you!
In this week's issue, we'll start with the first, and most important, element:
'Do nothing at all'
'That's some real Mr Miyagi bunco, dude,' I hear you saying. You’re right. It's a little vague and also not entirely true.
What I mean is this: the biggest secret to getting someone to do what you want, is to first let them tell you what they want. So to bring Mr Miyagi back into this (sorry Mr Miyagi), he might say something like:
'In order to say, Daniel San, first you need to learn how to listen.'
Better? Perhaps you'd prefer a more classic example:
'God gave you two ears and one mouth...
I want you to shut all three of them while I'm on the phone with Mandy.' - My mother
Seriously though, think about it: how many times have you been caught up in your own thoughts and responses that you've completely missed what someone said to you?
If you're like most people, the answer is probably 'Plenty,' ... if it's really bad, 'Say that again?'
In our fast-paced, technology-driven world listening today feels like a lost art. And yet, listening is one of the most important skills we can have, both in our personal and professional lives.
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The benefits of listening
The benefits of listening attentively are manifold. Here are the important ones as they relate to your powers of persuasion in your professional relationships:
1. When you listen attentively, you demonstrate proper humility.
Think about it; if you're always talking, you're not giving anyone else a chance to speak. This sends the message that you think your ideas and opinions are more important than anyone else's. When you take the time to really listen to someone, you're showing them that their thoughts matter to you. Humility is a critical element in being truly persuasive.
2. Listening also allows you to gain accurate knowledge.
Have you ever been in a meeting where someone presented an idea that was met with blank stares? Chances are good that this happened because people weren't paying attention and they didn't understand what was being said. However, if people had been paying attention and listening carefully, they would have had a better understanding of the idea and could have provided valuable feedback. As a bonus, as you cultivate the habit of paying close attention to what is spoken, you will improve your ability to remember the things you hear.
3. Listening closely builds relationships and trust
When you take the time to listen to someone, they feel valued and appreciated. As a result, they're more likely to want to continue spending time with you and getting to know you better. When people feel listened to and understood, they are significantly more open to accepting your solutions to their problems because they feel like you have taken the time to understand their situation.
4 tips for cultivating the habit of paying close attention
Paying attention isn't always easy but it is possible to cultivate the habit of paying closer attention by following these four tips:
1. Make eye contact
One of the easiest ways to show someone that you're interested in what they have to say is by making eye contact with them while they're speaking. Though it may seem simple, making eye contact conveys empathy, understanding, and respect—all qualities that are essential for effective communication.
2. Listening 'actively'
Active listening is a technique that involves repeating back what someone has said to ensure that you've understood them correctly. For instance, if your boss says "I need those reports on my desk by 5 pm," an active listener would say "so you need those reports by 5 pm today?" This may seem like common sense but it's amazing how often we assume we know what someone means only to find out later that we've misunderstood them entirely!
3. Ask questions
Asking questions is another great way to show that you're interested in what someone has to say as well as ensuring that you understand them correctly. If there's something you don't understand or want clarification on, don't be afraid to ask! It's better to ask for clarification than make assumptions and risk getting it wrong entirely.
4. Take notes
Taking notes while someone is speaking not only shows that you value their input but also helps ensure accuracy later on. This is especially useful in meetings or when learning new information as it allows you to refer back to key points as needed.
Conclusion
The ability to listen attentively is essential for effective communication both in our personal and professional lives, but it's also the foundation for being influential and getting people to accept your message.
Take the time to practice listening. Ask questions when necessary. Engage. You will notice almost immediately how much more responsive your audience is to your message. When you build rapport in such a manner, your build the foundation to supercharge your powers of persuasion.
What tips do YOU have for paying closer attention?
I love hearing your comments and learning about the particular challenges or tips you have when it comes to speaking confidently and convincing people of your ideas. Share them with me here.
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