Survival MODES? For shore…

“When we have hope, we discover powers within ourselves we may have never known…Once we choose hope, everything is possible.”

In many ways it feels like month 16 of #2020 and these immutable words of the one with incredible powers, Superman, are a great reminder as we swim in different emotions. It appears that even those with the most optimistic outlook have been feeling somewhat worn down. With the continued impact of the virus and its variants, amidst the news of ongoing trials and tribulations, and unrest and violence, there was an anticipatory feeling this month of yet another incoming wave of grief. As if, bracing in preparation, there is the slow slipping into “dulling of delight and dwindling of drive.”

Typically, spring signals new beginnings, but this year there is a weary feeling of something old that has carried over, dampening the uplifting spirit of the season. Although there is good news on the vaccination front, challenges continue for many around the globe and will likely continue through the next few months, if not longer. The harsh reality of the next wave of the pandemic and the havoc it is wreaking on friends and family halfway across the globe have been particularly distressing. All in all, the realization that this year just might continue to bear stark similarity to the year past has begun to sink in deeper for sure. And with that comes the sense of treading water.

For me this sense was further heightened with the loss of a dear teammate this month. The untimely passing of a coworker is sad at many levels. For very close-knit teams, with a deep sense of personal connection and shared experiences, it is jarring. Losing someone that you had daily email exchanges and weekly meetings with, as you all row in unison towards a common goal, with immense focus and role clarity, is simply hard to accept at first. And with the pandemic, and the isolation it has brought, the deep sense of grief is compounded and takes on a very different meaning. There is a sense of void that can perhaps only be filled by human presence, shared tears and reassuring hugs. These go a long way in the journey towards acceptance and the coping process. In the absence of that it can be difficult to find closure.

Never in a hundred years…

Like many other aspects of our lives, the pandemic has reshaped the process of grieving, be it at home or work. It started out last year with the weariness from the loss of mundane routines and then sadness at the loss of meaningful milestones and traditions… and grew to individual and collective grief as we heard of loss of lives and livelihoods, near and afar, and further compounded with the world seemingly drowning three-deep in crises. The recent spate of hate crimes served as a reminder of the vulnerability of ‘others’ in America – this time Asian Americans. And, with the virus raging again in many countries around the world, I hear of a friend suffering loss in their family, too often. These are turbulent times in many ways.

What is happening now seems quite inconceivable just a year ago as we looked forward to the winter thaw last year. The reality is that we are learning how to navigate through loss at a time when we are processing not just individual despair but also dealing with a sense of collective grief. Since time immemorial, humans have memorialized sad events with collective expressions of this grief. The tribe coming together helps share the sadness, strengthen memories and fortify bonds. But now, we are having to find new ways of mourning and process our sense of loss.

Our work is a true team-sport, and relationships matter, as we advance science, build technology and develop products. And grieve we did, with sobs, and tears and stories shared over emails and texts and virtual meetings. We reminisced how often our late teammate was the recipient of our team’s superman cape rolling trophy. A fun team tradition, where the person who goes above and beyond, gets the virtual cape gif sent to them. The sense of loss will linger. And in many ways, we were forced to look inwards for the guiding light, the calm amid the turbulence around us, to stay grounded and navigate through this emotional storm, the severity of which was simply compounded because of the current times and the accumulated toll it has taken.

Year on year…

For me personally, in order to deal with this wave of emotion I had to dig deeper into what I had come to rely on based on my experiences in 2020. It’s been a year of reckoning, with tides of emotion, and then the intense desire to help and be productive, with purpose. Whether it was the global pandemic and its fallout, or, the raw and real exposure of systemic-racism on the world’s stage, 2020 threw many of us off-course. This is however also a year that should be credited for bringing into heightened focus many elements that we may have been somewhat blind to. It also led to a resolve to focus on issues that warrant more action in 2021 and dig deep into my own pockets of privilege to do something for others. After all, we all have some element of what may seem as “ordinary privilege.”  I took the time to remind myself and feel grateful for mine.

The concept of M-E-D-S, an acronym for meditation or mindfulness, exercise, diet and sleep, was critical during the pandemic for inculcating a sense of wellness. I particularly have found peace in adding ‘O’ to the equation with spending time outdoors, and have written about going overcoming my fears and going out for a brisk walk, every day, despite the weather. To wade through this latest bit of sad news I relied heavily on these elements, processed at a deeper level…and I feel I am able to improvise and adapt as a new understanding and strength emerges.

Play it by year

As I practiced these elements, a trip to the shores of Lake Superior made things crystal clear -- my first overnight trip since the pandemic hit. Getting away and spending time in nature, the sense of awe and that connection to something bigger than ourselves, certainly helped in finding that flow again. Flow, as Adam Grant, leading organizational psychologist, recently called the “antidote to languishing.” I must admit, to counteract the languishing, it was best to also limit consumption of news and take time to starve despair and feed the soul instead. It kept me from constantly revisiting why things are the way they are. Sometimes, even for self-preservation, there is a need to throw a lifeline and let sleeping dogs lie.

With this awakening, I was able to immerse myself this month in yet another meaningful project that stretched my abilities. It filled my soul with a renewed sense of purpose and determination. The same sense I got when I was writing my book and the possibility it held in opening doors for others. And when I see that light, it helps me feel grounded again. For sure.

I see the deeper meaning behind the MODES for survival… shining a light over troubled waters.

Mindfulness… with gratefulness

Outdoors… and open doors

Diet… for mind and soul

Exercise… ordinary privilege

Sleep… and awakenings

Also, there is now the slow realization that making a success of the innnovation we were all working towards would be a great way to memorialize and honor our late teammate’s commitment and effort. RIP.

“At some time, often when we least expect it, we all have to face overwhelming challenges. When the unthinkable happens, the lighthouse is hope. Once we find it, we must cling to it with absolute determination.”

After all, Superman said so.

Look forward to hearing what are some coping strategies that have worked for you...