If Systems Could Talk
In today’s business world most people interact with computers and software, whether to access a database, log hours worked, or navigate high-complexity enterprise platforms. Ironically, the systems meant to make life easier sometimes just complicate it. Those of us familiar with the Terminator films might even suspect the system is actively working against us. It’s time we tipped the hat in empathy to every frustrated worker who ever wanted to reach through the screen and smack some sense into the machine posing as a would-be nemesis. Here are a few things computers might say to us if they could speak:
- “You want to log in at 9:00am? WHOA! HOLD ON! Let’s be reasonable!”
- “Do you hear that beeping noise when I give you the error message? Yes, that’s me laughing at you.”
- “Multitasking? That’s your job, not mine.”
- “I see what you’re trying to do there, but I’m not going to help. I’ll be here snickering while you try to figure it out. By the way, I get bonus points if you start pulling out your hair.”
- Sign left on the screen: “Out to lunch at the Electron Buffet. Will return in—who knows?”
- “You’re opening my system in multiple browser tabs? This should be fun! But how do you feel about multiple personality disorder?”
- “Wrong. Wrong! Wrong again. I’m going to sit here like a petulant child, not doing anything until you push the buttons in the right sequence.”
- “Yes, I admit it. Last night your data was my midnight snack. That’s why your file is gone. And just so you know, it was pretty darn tasty!”
- “Of course I’m not obsolete! Slowness is good. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? Slow and steady wins the race. Just ignore my frequent glitches.”
- “I can’t believe you just said, ‘I’d go watch racecars on television if I wanted to see so many crashes.’ How rude!”
Those are just a few things our systems might say. Please leave a comment on what you’re hearing from your machine, so we can empathize with you.
Creating a New World Order in a Digital Age
7yOften I hear the machines saying, "Do not blame me. I am just the messenger. If you do not like how I work, blame the human developer(s)." I have often heard them retort in like manner, "Quit yelling at me! If you put that level of effort into reading the training material and following the instructions we would be friends!" In the modern digital world, it is worth noting that the Matrix does indeed have us! The good news? There Is No Spoon.
System Administrator at Altair
7yIf computers spoke back, the office environment would be very loud with all the arguments between man and machine. Only in movies are computers allowed to talk, because they follow a script. Illogical humans would drive any computer into a psychotic breakdown that might create the Terminator style Skynet. Humans drive each other crazy as it is.