Taking Control After Being Laid Off

Learning I’d be a statistic added to the unemployment rate left me feeling a multitude of emotions.

Fear for my future hit me first; what would happen to my career, what would happen financially to my family? A sense of personal failure followed right behind the fear, as I questioned every perceived or actual flaw and mistake and I wondered “where I went wrong.” My anxiety fed on a total lack of control.

None of this is unique to getting laid off, but it is unique to me. I’d never been laid off, nor have I ever been fired. So as I do with most events that cause me a swirl of emotions to process, I waded through it by writing about it.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments – have you been in this situation? How did you handle the three points below?

Feel It

I spent six years at my company, and over that time I built relationships and did fulfilling work. It’s easy to see why I felt a sense of loss that has nothing to do with losing my income. Trying to cheer myself up in moments I grieve is only toxic positivity.

Allowing myself time to be emotional and sit with how I feel enables me to stay sharp while updating my resume, freshening my LinkedIn profile and connecting with other professionals. Days go by when I feel unphased by the challenge in front of me and I’m inspired by the possibilities. Then days pass when my heart hurts so much the pain brings me to tears.

In her Harvard Business Review piece, Shyamli Rathore lays out an ABC strategy to emotionally process a layoff, and this in particular struck a chord: “If you’ve recently been affected by a layoff, take out time for introspection.” She recommends processing your feelings around the situation as well as your colleagues, leaders and company. But most importantly, what is it you tell yourself about the situation, and allow yourself to let go so you can make way to move forward.

Plus, introspection is helping me decide: what do I really want and need in my next role? And more importantly – what don’t I want?

Take Control of What’s Happening

Part of what felt so unsettling for me about getting laid off is the idea I have zero control over the situation. It happened TO me. As someone who manages anxiety, what a nightmare!

But I didn’t give myself enough credit in those early moments, because I DO have control; it lies in how I respond in the coming weeks. As someone who also successfully manages anxiety, I came to see this quickly.

Instead of wasting time on the “what if’s” and allowing myself to sit in my feelings longer than necessary, I’ve spent more time thinking about my first full week unemployed, filling my calendar with appointments and webinars, even incorporating time for exercise.

This is an opportunity to learn something new, to meet new people and pursue in-person networking events while truly defining what my next step will be. I’ve also set a goal to get into the habit of regular volunteerism, instead of one-off volunteer events.

Focusing on what you can control in a layoff is one of the 14 tactics to cope with losing your occupation, according to an article published by Psychology Today, and taking that control has helped me put my situation into perspective. And it almost feels like everything will be okay.

This Does Not Define You

I’ve always loved my career path and the way my experiences have fueled who I am today. It’s no wonder that losing my job made me feel I was losing a part of myself.

I’ve worked as a paid writer or corporate communications professional since the age of 15 (thanks, William Cleary!); Dan Lieberman, M.D., says it’d be ideal if we all had a strong and stable sense of our identity, “but we’re dependent on external factors to give us a sense of who we are, and our job is among the most important of those factors,” he said in this Men’s Health article.

It may take a little longer to untangle my identity from my work, but what I do know is my lay off will not define my career.

My career is not a resume gap, or something that happens to me. It’s what I create. It’s a path with awards for my writing and teamwork. It’s full of beautiful relationships I wouldn’t otherwise have. My career is the influential way I write and the strategic and adaptable way I think.

I may now be a statistic in the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, but I’m hoping to control just how long I stay that way, and I want to turn this experience into a lesson in resilience and opportunity.