TEN THINGS I LEARNED TO VALUE IN MY 20's

The concept of age has not always been in practice. The term ‘youth’ is thought of as the early years of life and America has tried to sell keeping youth in tact, all while rejecting the inevitability of aging. Aging isn’t a bad thing; it brings wisdom, if you let it. Life is laced with hardship and lessons, the inevitability of these things is just that. Personally, I’m nothing less than energized about aging and I think we need to redefine this concept and American sales pitch into a blessing. 

Everyone (eventually) has their own way of working out personal lessons on how they govern their lives. What I have learned in my 20’s? A great deal. I hope this part of my story is able to add positive value and more importantly, how much anyone can unlock in a mere decade of life. 

1. THE PROCESS OF LEARNING

It wasn’t until I was 29 when I first embraced the phrase ‘Education is not the same as schooling’. I agree. Looking back to my schooling years the concept of learning how to learn was nonexistent. The only way I recognized how I learned best was through reflection. Certain things came easier to me after I participated, rather than mere repetition or visual methods. Knowing how you learn best is important. This put myself in better positions to succeed and even better my career path. It was beneficial to me to learn different learning styles as well. Even though I am a kinesthetic learner, I have found it beneficial to learn other methods as they do come in hand when relating to others given leadership roles I have held. 

2. REFLECTION

Naturally given that I am a kinesthetic learner, reflection would become very important, mainly when owning my own imperfections. Reflection gives people a chance to make peace with their own thoughts, and thoughts about others toward them. Knowing that I belong to myself first sets a tone of responsibility to take care of my spirit, for I am not able to help any others (appropriately) until I am taken care of. When life comes at us we may not be able to make it turn out the way we want, and reflection gives us the opportunity to make it right in our minds. Peace of mind with ourselves is too important, I can’t stress this enough. 

3. SELF IMAGE

Who are you when it comes to confidence? I heard in a meditation that you can calm your mind by realizing you are okay (alive, breathing, able to think) in the midst of a bad situation simply by recognizing you where you are. A lot of times I can find myself worried about what I will look like in a future state that hasn’t happened or a past time that I have no control over. I can choose, however to breath and grasp my ability to move towards desired outcomes in my present life. In a way all there is, is the here and now, the future is just a concept, same as the past. Choosing to act and conduct my life in a way that moves me forward increases my self-image the same way opposite actions do, the only time to do so is in the present. 

4. WORKING IN YOUR MARRIAGE 

My wife’s and I’s marriage would not be close to where it is today if we did not invest in consistent conversations with one another. After all the song and dance was over on that great wedding day. Our first year wasn’t typical (nor an expected honeymoon phase) but we held on tight. Three years later, we pray daily together, do regular appreciations for each other, and continue to challenge one another to fight for themselves in life and in marriage. The dynamic is geared towards each one of our characters becoming better. I never knew the impact of mentorship in marriage, I had the outsiders impression that couples just learn to tolerate one another over time, but it isn’t true for all couples. Not if you’re willing to work for it. If you’re one of the ones who thinks it’s too good to be true then why would you stay around for mediocre? Maybe there’s something pretty good there after all…

5. SELF CARE

Physical, mental, spiritual, financial, all of it matters. There was a time where I invested time to figure out any issues that affected my health, For example I have chronic migraines, I spent about a year visiting a neurologist for treatment consistently. I got my teeth fixed, because they weren’t properly taken care off and changed my routine to floss every day and brush twice. I take vitamins everyday. I (try) to drink enough water everyday. I significantly cut down on the amount of soda I drink. I don’t drink alcohol unless it’s a social occasion. I quit smoking. I read personal-development books regularly. I don’t use Facebook. I try my best not to engage in gossip. Does this mean I am awesome? No. I notice the repercussions of these avenues then decided not to partake. 

6. DISCIPLINE YOURSELF FROM SOCIETY

When I was in the military, I went to basic training at Ft. Benning in Georgia. I was there for a consecutive 14 weeks. Upon returning to “society” there was a real adjustment period I had experienced for the first time, people acted different. There is so much service going on via commerce, it’s everywhere in the United States. My dominating thought upon retuning was ‘people are lazy’. I would see people get upset about dressing on their salad being wrong at restaurants, people upset about not getting enough savings on something at the store, etc. Overall there was so much entitlement mentality and it has only become worse. It was a real waking up point for me that the customer service industry is destroying people to not mature, because the industry codes them. When you rise above all this and aren’t controlled by your impulses you actually become a rare individual, a freer one that isn’t enslaved by psychological manipulation. 

7. FINANCIAL BUDGETING

This is a big one. Even as my wife and I grow our incomes we have found using a zero-based budget and mapping out where every dollar will go is the most effective. If there is extra in any paycheck then it’s an extra payment towards the item we are paying off next. This practice resulted in paying off our student loans in our 20's, and my six-year, 25k car loan off in under three years. 

8. COACHING/MENTORSHIP

You don’t know there is greener grass out there until you have seen greener grass and you don’t have hope until you know it’s reachable, a coach is the bridge. My coaches have been able to see things I can’t. When my wife and I bought our first house we ran it by our financial coaches and we have seen the benefits of that decision years down he road. Initially, I thought it was just big decisions I needed coaching on like this, I was wrong. The best coaches will be able to help you get out of your own way during your habitual decisions for your greater, longer benefit.

Mentorship is also needed, for a time. A mentor is one who will walk beside you in the work, whereas a coach will help you get out of your own way, but not help you with the work, they will let you fail and fall down, and to your own benefit too. Think of the coach as someone who is a good observer and they communicate what they see, it is your job to connect the dots for a better life!

9. OWNING MY FEELINGS

Ownership of a task at work isn’t a new concept, it’s normal in a work environment, it’s even normal at school. Certain people have projects or homework and a deadline to complete them, feelings is a whole new beast; it requires skill and emotional intelligence, it’s worth it. 

This concept of ownership is never easily grasped, to be fair it isn’t spoken about or taught academically either. Even more fair it’s not learned by most. In fact, I began to see the power behind owning my feelings when I learned it from a professional over a period of months and months. I learned the concepts of looking inward and communicating what was happening on my side of the interaction to the other party, rather than just communicating what I thought was wrong or what I wanted changed. When this happens you are forced to look inward and you notice most things that bother you (negatively) have an internal reason and nothing to do with another person. Result, negative feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, etc., become solvable by the person in the mirror. 

10. BEING UN-AGREEABLE

There is a direct correlation between people who are un-agreeable and successful. Now, I am not saying disagree with everything, rather just don’t be a push over in the spirit of living out a good and self-respecting self-image. 

Every time I have disagreed with someone in the effort to contribute and not be a door mat, the result was more respect (from others) and less resentment (towards myself) in the LONG run. It also gave me the opportunity to develop skills to facilitate those kind of conversations when they happen again. It does no good to be agreeable all the time. It hurts you, causes confusion to those around you, and creates distrust with yourself. Follow through, it’s okay. If you get it wrong, admit it plainly and learn from it. 

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

Everyones journey is different. Learning new things helps us advance in our character and in turn any chosen journey taken. We are in control of our conversations with ourselves; when these conversations happen we decide what we will tolerate with others and with ourselves. As we age and learn what values we desire we must decide what will best serve our personal mission(s). Being selfish is necessary and even healthy. We cannot provide value to others when we ourselves hold no value, that requires us investing in ourselves. 

Here’s to learning our values