The Things People Say

If you are a man reading this, have you made any of the above statements in the workplace recently? If so I am sure that you have said them with good intentions and certainly not meant harm by them. But the reality is that words do matter - the person who first said sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me probably never truly experienced what it is like to be in the out-group. The fact is that behind every statement is a deep held belief which often leads to exclusion.

Which is why this International Women's Day, I teamed up with Gill Whitty-Collins, to explore the language that still pervades the workplace and that, while may not have negative intent, continues to get in the way of gender equality.

For most women in the workplace, the results will not be a surprise. The purpose of the report (which can be downloaded HERE) is to act as a platform for a discussion between men and women about why these statements are so harmful. You can do this at an individual level, as a group or you can bring us in to do a talk (gender equity should not just be discussed around IWD). But whatever you do, please do have the discussion. I will be having my own discussion with my female peers around women being more empathetic and collaborative leaders as it’s something I am definitely guilty of saying.

Here are the three things I took from the report:

1.Equality vs Equity

The fact that the top statement stems from men not understanding the difference between equality and equity, just shows to me one of the biggest challenges we face when it comes to inclusion and diversity - those men in the in-group simply do not understand what if feels like to be in the out-group (and 10 years ago I was one of those men). They don’t understand that equal opportunity does not translate to equal outcomes when it comes to women and other historically marginalised groups. This film by the Lord Mayor’s office is a brilliant visualisation of this:

Getting men to understand equity is key to creating truly inclusive and diverse workplaces. Which is why we have developed a Hacking Equity workshop which you are welcome to attend for free by registering HERE. 

2. It’s not a zero sum game

It was highlighted a number of times that some men still believe that if women gain, men lose. This is simply not true. Inclusion must be for everyone and it was super encouraging to see statements included in there that are also harmful for men e.g. “Men have it easy. What do they have to stress about” as well as “the senior leadership team is male, pale and stale.” I will keep on coming back to our Men ‘Leaning in’ research that showed that 97% of the men who have lent into I&D consider themselves better leaders and/or human beings as a result.

3. Consequences are important

There were two comments that really stood out for me:

• Start promoting the people displaying more inclusive behavioural traits
• Actually sacking people - consequences for their actions (ie poor behaviour)

Ultimately they equate to the same thing - consequences for people’s behaviour. If leadership teams want to truly create inclusive and diverse companies, they need to focus on rewarding inclusive leadership traits such as collaboration, cultural intelligence, empathy and vulnerability. And ultimately there need to be consequences for people who continue to exclude others through their behaviour. It's a sad reality that in nearly every business I work with, they will be able to name the people who continue to bully, belittle or exclude. Yet there continue to be no consequences. At some point senior leadership needs to stand up and be counted. Tomorrow would be a good day to start. 

The Things People Say

A report by Daniele Fiandaca, Founder of Token Man Consulting and Gill Whitty-Collins, author of ‘Why men win at work… and how we can make inequality history’  

Download the full report HERE.

Do get in contact if you would like us to deliver our talk on the Things People Say where we dismantle these beliefs and discuss how we can work together to deliver gender equity . Gender equity should not just be for International Women’s Day after all.