Think You Know Yourself? Most Leaders Don't--Here's Why

Do you believe you’re self-aware?  

Ninety-five percent of us think we are, but in reality, only 10-15% of us actually do.  

This gap is especially real for those in leadership: the higher you rise, the less honest feedback you get. So, if self-awareness is rooted in getting genuine feedback and seeing yourself through others' eyes, how accurate is your self-view? 

1. Perception vs. Reality 

Most people overestimate their self-knowledge. Dr. Tasha Eurich’s study uncovered a core truth: real self-awareness requires both internal and external perspectives, yet few actively pursue both. Knowing what drives you (internal self-awareness) is vital, but it’s just as crucial to see yourself as others see you (external self-awareness). This combination, rare as it is, forms the foundation of true self-awareness. 

2. The Power of “What,” Not “Why” 

Introspection is often mistaken for true self-awareness, but it can lead to overthinking. Instead of digging into “why” you feel a certain way (which can turn defensive), shift to “what” questions. “What does this reaction reveal about my priorities?” or “What triggered my frustration?” By focusing on “what” instead of “why,” you turn reflection into a productive process. 

3. Habits of Self-Aware Leaders 

True self-aware leaders understand their natural tendencies. For instance: 

• Decision-Making: Do you make decisions quickly or analyze every angle? Quick decisions may work in emergencies, but not in every situation. Likewise, analysis paralysis can stall opportunities. 

• Energy Styles: Are you a “sprinter” who thrives in bursts or a “marathoner” with steady energy? Recognizing your energy style can help you structure your day to maximize productivity and conserve energy. 

• Feedback and Reflection: The most self-aware actively seek out feedback, even if it stings. If you find yourself struggling to get honest feedback, try asking for advice instead. This subtle shift encourages partnership and lowers the defensive walls that traditional feedback can build. 

4. Building Self-Awareness with Four Key Areas 

To bring real self-awareness into your life, consider these four dimensions as a framework: 

• Behaviors: Your autopilot tendencies. Self-aware leaders understand both their natural strengths and how they can unintentionally impact others. 

• Decision-Making Style: Recognize whether you’re quick to decide or more analytical. This awareness allows you to adjust based on the situation. 

• Energy Style: Whether you work best in sprints or prefer a steady pace, knowing your energy rhythm helps you manage productivity. 

• Kinetic Energy Level: Your internal drive level—how you engage and persist. High-energy leaders thrive in fast-paced environments, while lower-energy folks excel in structured, steady roles. 

5. The Benefits of Being Genuinely Self-Aware 

Self-aware individuals don’t just make better leaders—they have more fulfilling lives, build stronger relationships, and make decisions aligned with their values. By checking if actions align with values, you cultivate trust, both with yourself and others. 

Three Reflective Prompts to Begin 

Ready to uncover your own blind spots? Here are a few prompts to help you get started: 

1. Perception vs. Reality Check: “Think about an area where you feel very self-aware. How might others experience you here? What would someone else say about your approach?” 
2. Internal vs. External Awareness Balance: “Recall a time when your self-view didn’t match how others saw you. How did that impact you, and what did it teach you?” 
3. The “What, Not Why” Practice: “Think of a recent frustration. Instead of asking ‘Why did it happen?’ try ‘What does this reveal about my expectations or triggers?’” 

By applying these principles and focusing on actionable self-reflection, you join a small group of leaders committed to genuine growth. Remember, self-awareness is a journey, not a destination, and it pays dividends at every level.