Thoughtful Referrals

Over the past few months, I have received some amazing business referrals and I’m very grateful to all the introducers. I have also been given some referrals that did not really work for me or my business. If you know me, you know I like considering things carefully, and I’ve been thinking about how to maximize the quality of the referrals that come my way, as well as those I give to business contacts.

I don’t consider myself to be an expert on referrals; however, over the past 20 years, I have given and received hundreds if not thousands of them. Full disclosure: I was a BNI (Business Network International) director for a number of years, and some of my views below were developed while working with that excellent organization. Other ideas I’m discussing here have emerged as a result of my own experience and reflection. I’ve seen a lot of referrals being given over the years, and there is definitely an art to doing it well and doing it thoughtfully. Take what you will from this article, and I hope it enhances your business and the way you look at referrals.

Giving a Referral is like Giving a Gift

We all know that it takes extra effort to introduce a business contact to a prospective client looking for a product or service your contact provides. First, you need to spend time understanding the client’s request and ideally asking if they want a referral or recommendation. As an introducer, you are in a great position, almost like a matchmaker, but you don’t want to be accused of engineering a bad marriage! 

A referral can be precious, priceless even. While at BNI, I witnessed several 6-figure deals done as a result of referrals between members. The person making the introduction was able to give a wonderful gift to the service provider. It feels fantastic to be the one who connected those people together.

You Really Need to Know the Person You’re Referring

To stick with the analogy of gift-giving, have you ever received a gift and thought “This isn’t my taste at all! Does this person even know me?” Of course, you would never say that to the giver’s face, but you wonder how they got it so wrong. I believe it’s a simple lack of attention and effort that leads to thoughtless gift-giving.

I love giving referrals, but I have a really high standard for myself. I ask a lot of questions before connecting people. I think I really don’t want to be responsible for a bad marriage or even a disastrous first date!

Be Exclusive

Something I believe very strongly is that you should only refer one person or company per opportunity. Here’s why I think that. When you refer multiple people for the same job, you are immediately putting them in competition with each other. Others may give them different referrals or suggestions, but you don’t need to be adding to the confusion or overwhelm for the person looking for recommendations. Have you ever been part of the discussions on social media where someone is looking for a service, and it results in 93 suggestions? Granted, some might be well thought through but many are simply name-dropping and the recipient of the introductions now needs to do all the work to sift through the recommendations.

This may seem harsh, but I think it’s sheer laziness when we don’t do the work required to figure out who is really the best fit for the client. We may couch it in terms of being inclusive or fair, giving several people the chance to pitch for the business. I get it. But most people don’t like being included in a ‘beauty pageant’ when they could have had a lovely, personal, thoughtful and exclusive introduction. Which would you prefer if you were the person providing the service – the personal intro, or being added to the fray and asked to sell yourself?

But what if you really don’t know which person to recommend? That goes back to the extra effort to build strong professional relationships. You need to decide if you are willing to get to know your connections better, so you can introduce them with confidence. Or don’t, but be honest and say you don’t know someone well enough to recommend them. Please consider not doing the lazy thing and just supplying some names of people who might be a good fit.

Be a Grateful Recipient

These days, you’re winning when any business comes your way without your needing to fork out lots of money on marketing. And as I’ve said, it’s lovely to receive a personal introduction that is just right. And it can still feel annoying or a waste of time when you discover it’s not a great fit.

Whatever happens, remain professional. When someone gets it wrong, be grateful they tried, and think of ways to improve their understanding of your business and who your ideal clients are. If you have ever seen someone open a gift and not quite disguise their disappointment, you know it is not easy to wish you had received a better gift. But instead of looking the gift horse in the mouth, as they say, find a way to turn it into a positive. Pass the referral on to a colleague if appropriate (in this case, regifting rocks!) and be diplomatic and gracious when giving feedback to your introducer.

Be Clear when Educating your Network

Take responsibility for your success or lack of success with referrals. If you are not receiving referrals, or you’re consistently receiving poor quality referrals or ones that are not a good fit, understand that you need to be better at putting yourself across, deepening relationships and asking for the right kind of business or client. I mentioned being diplomatic; this is a must. If you appear ungrateful or rude, you won’t be receiving any more referrals from that person and they may even badmouth you to others.

One rule I have for myself, which has been the cause of some fascinating discussions, is that I don’t want to be included in the beauty pageant style of recommendations. I really dislike being one of several people introduced to the same client. In fact, I tell my potential introducers that I would rather not be introduced at all, which usually comes as a shock.  I explain that I know exactly what I do, how I do it, why I do it, my success rate, my philosophy and values. The more enlightened contacts have welcomed this approach, and it has led to loyal and valuable relationships and business. Others, people who don’t agree with this approach or don’t want to put the work in, say they are not willing to recommend just one person for a job. That’s fine. We agree to disagree, we maintain mutual respect, and we all get to work the way we like.

Well, that’s about the extent of my thinking around this subject today. If you are interested in learning more about referrals and recommendations and especially how to develop your professional relationships, I suggest you read my friend Andy Lopata’s excellent books Recommended, Connected Leadership and Just Ask . If you want to learn how to give and get better quality referrals, join a networking group like BNI. There are physical and virtual meetings to attend and deepen your relationships, so you can give and receive high quality referrals. 

Finally, if you want to refer any of your contacts to me for speaking, thought leadership strategy or business book support, please do. You know how I like to work. I’d love to refer clients to you as well. If you think we should have a call to get to know each other better first, I’d be delighted to have a chat with you.