The Three-Legged Race: The Art of Peer Communication and Collaboration

What makes collaboration so powerful, yet so difficult to achieve? At its heart, collaboration is about connecting people, aligning goals, and building trust—but fear and hesitation often hold us back. How can we create peer communication that overcomes these barriers and enables true partnership?

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I have always carried a deep fear of rejection. It is not the loud kind of fear but a quiet hesitation that holds you back in moments that matter. I fear people saying no—not just to my ideas, but to me. In the world of partnerships and collaboration, rejection can feel deeply personal.

One such moment happened when I sat across from a senior representative of a foundation that had been a steadfast donor to my organization. Their financial support had been critical in helping us manage one of the homes they had funded. The purpose of this meeting was to discuss renewing our bid to continue managing the home.

But there was a problem.

Due to financial constraints, we had decided not to put forward a strong bid for renewal. As I explained our position, his face registered visible disappointment. “I had really hoped your organization would stay on. I trust your work.”

His words hit me like a weight. I began to explain how our financial situation limited what we could responsibly commit to. After a pause, he proposed a solution: “What if we consider naming rights for the foundation? It could give you more flexibility to stay involved.”

This was the moment I had dreaded. My team had always been clear about our stance against offering naming rights to donors. It was a principle we held firmly to preserve the integrity of our work. I hesitated, fearing that rejecting his idea would damage the relationship. Finally, I said, “I appreciate the suggestion, but my team is not comfortable with offering naming rights. It is something we have consistently avoided.”

He gave me a look of quiet disappointment. The conversation shifted, and we soon wrapped up the meeting. I should have felt relief, but instead, I felt torn. Did I just damage years of partnership? Was there something else I could have done?

Then, another thought began to take shape. What if I stopped viewing this foundation as merely a donor and instead thought of them as a partner? Could there be another way forward—one that respected both our principles and their goals? But this would mean putting myself back in the room, risking rejection either on the spot or later when I report back.

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In The Collaborative Leader: The Ultimate Leadership Challenge by Ian McDermott and Michael Hall, the authors captured the essence of collaboration through the 5 C’s:

The Call: Collaboration begins with inviting others to explore shared goals.

The Courage: It takes bravery to propose ideas and face potential rejection.

The Choice: Collaboration requires a conscious decision to commit to working together.

The Culture: A foundation of trust and mutual respect enables collaboration to thrive.

The Connecting: Synergy emerges when diverse perspectives align toward a common purpose.

This framework emphasizes that collaboration is not passive but an intentional process that relies on trust, risk-taking, and mutual understanding.

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I decided to nudge myself out of my comfort zone and broach a new idea, even taking the risk that my team might reject it later since we had not yet discussed it. I proposed exploring a partnership that upheld our principles while meeting the donor’s goals. To my surprise, he welcomed the idea. We agreed to study its feasibility, and he appreciated my transparency and the discussion in good faith. That moment taught me that collaboration often begins with a willingness to take risks and explore possibilities.

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Here Are My Three Tips to Enable Peer Communication

Start with a clear outcome that serves win-win purposes. Begin discussions by articulating a shared goal, such as, “Our aim is to find a solution that balances efficiency with maintaining quality for both teams.”

During the conversation, explore choices together. Encourage open dialogue by asking, “What options do you think we could explore?” or “How might we approach this challenge differently?”

After the conversation, take the initiative to offer the first move. Build trust by demonstrating commitment, such as implementing an agreed action first or providing additional support without waiting for others to act.

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Collaboration is like running a three-legged race. Two people, tied together at the legs, must move in perfect rhythm to succeed. If one pulls ahead or lags behind, both stumble. Peer communication works the same way—it requires balance, trust, and constant adjustment. When both sides work in harmony, the finish line becomes a shared victory.