The Three Pillars of Leadership Conversations: Relationship, Possibility, Action

In leadership, the quality of conversations determines the outcomes. Conversations can be grouped into three pillars: Relationship, Possibility, and Action. Each type has a unique flavour and flow, characterised by specific language, tone, and emotional content. Understanding the cadence and content can help leaders and teams engage more effectively, fostering an authentic sense of belonging, a thriving work environment, and a more compelling customer experience. These pillars may be three parts of one conversation or individual conversations in their own right, and all impact each other. To begin with, think about them sequentially. Strong relationships lead to excellent psychological safety, which opens the space of innovation and disruption. Action becomes more meaningful when it is grounded in relationships and innovative thinking. Strengthen your conversational muscle in each of these conversations.

Effective leadership communication requires that leaders dynamically and fluidly integrate through these three conversation types. Starting with building solid relationships, exploring possibilities together, and then moving into actionable steps creates a robust framework for growth and development. This integrated approach ensures employees feel supported, inspired, and empowered, paving the way for personal and professional growth. Why is communication so important in organisations? According to Pumble.com:

Relationship Conversations

Relationship conversations are not just about building trust and establishing common ground; they are about creating a supportive environment where everyone feels valued and understood. They are the cornerstone of a thriving work environment. Before you dive into the day's business, please take a moment to find points of common interest. 

Last week, I had the opportunity to engage with several panellists at an industry conference.   When you take the time to understand what's important to them and find that one shared interest, idea, or worldview, you profoundly overcome resistance and apathy and raise trust and psychological safety; by being fully present and encouraging open participation, we can address concerns openly and create a safe space for trust to flourish, thereby contributing to the well-being of our team members. It may feel counter-intuitive to pause and focus on the individual when there's so much to do and targets to achieve. However, the paradox is that we get more done in less time when people feel seen, heard, and connected. This is the power of leadership in relationship conversations.

Opportunities to build relationships in conversations start with greeting people by name and pausing long enough to find out how they are doing. Informal check-ins, water-cooler conversations, formal one-on-one and team check-ins, and coaching contracting conversations enable you to build shared meaning and understanding and authentically see and hear each other.

Possibility Conversations

Possibility conversations keep us ahead of the curve.  They are designed to explore and evaluate new ideas and opportunities, igniting team innovation and creativity. Leaders inspire hope and excitement by promoting a culture that encourages thinking outside the box, experimentation and visualising future success. 

This optimistic and curious tone cultivates a mindset open to change and innovation, empowering employees to explore different options. When employees feel empowered and excited about their work, their performance improves, leading to breakthrough innovations and a competitive edge for the business. Customers are assured that you are on top of industry trends and anticipating their future needs.

My mission is to foster dialogue on stage, at work and online. 

To explore possibility most effectively in today's hybrid world, you need a range of tools and techniques that span deep personal connections that give all the voices in the room a voice.  Whether I am physically in the room or online, I use a range of conversational design and tools to achieve this.  One of my favourite platforms, both in the room and online, is Mentimeter .  I use it extensively to stimulate conversations, take the temperature of the delegates, draw out the wisdom in the room and allow those quiet voices, who often have the richest input, to share their thoughts.  Because the inputs are completely anonymous, I find that people share with a deeper level of honesty and courage. This includes those off-the-wall ideas that may shut down as "stupid ideas" or the courage to challenge how we always do things around her.

What I love most about Mentimeter is that they continuously innovate and shape their platform based on user experience. I have been fortunate to spend time with the R&D team to give feedback and beta-test new features. This conversation for possibility keeps me on my toes and allows me to be on the cutting edge of hybrid conversation.

Action Conversations

Action conversations are more than just an Action Plan or a things-to-do list. Used effectively, they help you make the best use of your time and make better decisions. These conversations are pivotal in translating ideas into tangible results. The danger of the Action conversation is that we are often too hurried to get there. "Right First Time" and "Just Do It" are powerful activating statements but have a downside. They discourage reflection, play and experimentation. Spending more time on relationships and possibilities will result in working smarter and producing quality outputs.

A different way of looking at action is to understand what is happening in the hearts and minds of the person you are conversing with.

Most calls to action begin with a request or an offer. You want to achieve a specific outcome, or when you want something from someone.   The difference between a request and an offer is significant.  A request is generated by the person who needs something done, an offer is made by someone who sees that something needs to be done but is not the owner of the outcome.

The importance of the word NO in the Action Conversation

So, when making a request, please make sure you are clear on what you are asking.

• Start with the WHY to ensure the action is purpose-led.
• Frame the request as you would a goal by ensuring it is specific, measurable, realistic (based on their priorities), and has an explicit delivery time.

You can accept, reject, or revise your request. Accepting the request is a promise made and should be done consciously with a clear understanding of the impact of delivery. So it is essential to ask yourself, “What can I commit to?” and be sure you can deliver.

Offers are made by someone willing to contribute and who will need to commit to completing the task within your timelines.  They are often made with good intentions, and it is worth pausing to confirm they can deliver.  They are also not always welcomed in the way the giver expects.  As a helper, I have learned to discriminate more with the offers I vocalise.  I had to realise that with the best intentions in the world, I was not necessarily helping the recipient or the situation.  Just because you can does not necessarily mean that you must.  Sometimes, people need to struggle a bit and figure it out themselves, and my way, just because it has worked for me, is not necessarily the best way.

When making an offer, be clear on what you can and can’t deliver and ensure that you provide regular feedback, especially if there are any potential delays.

When an offer cannot be promised or delivered, the third element of the Action Conversation comes into play—the counter-proposal or the No-but conversation.

If you cannot promise or accept an offer, you can respond with a counter-proposal, which is a revised proposal that allows for compromise and negotiation.  It provides flexibility to incorporate change and growth, resulting in revised plans that work for all parties.

This decisive and goal-oriented approach drives individual performance and ensures the team works cohesively towards common objectives. Clear action plans with measurable goals create a sense of urgency and purpose, significantly enhancing productivity and business outcomes.

In the upcoming issues of #WalktheTalk, we will delve into a Playbook of different types of conversations. When used thoughtfully, this resource can significantly enhance employee well-being, performance, and overall business impact.

Understanding and mastering the art of these core conversations can transform leadership relationships. Leaders can navigate their interactions more effectively by paying attention to the language, tone, and emotional content, leading to meaningful progress and lasting impact. When leaders focus on Relationship, Possibility, and Action conversations, they enhance employee well-being and performance and drive significant business impact. These insights can result in fulfilling engagements, leading to a thriving workplace and remarkable business success.

Bev is a conversational catalyst who believes we build our future success one conversation at a time. She believes that we hold a magical and wise truth in the language and practice of UBUNTU – an African philosophy that means "I am because we are". As a strategic facilitator and interactive global speaker, Bev energises the delegate experience by drawing their voice and expertise into the conversation. With master's degrees in business and executive coaching, Bev works with your teams to elevate their conversational leadership to build trust, psychological safety, engagement and results into their leadership dialogue. There has never been a time for leaders to communicate with compassion and power. It is Bev's transformative purpose to bring these skills to the world.

If you want to ignite a new conversation at your conference, in the boardroom or online channels, speaking to Bev can help you shape your next strategic, learning or leadership dialogue. You can reach her at www.bevhancock.com

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