The tipping point, a new learning curve

I recently came back from my first trip to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Democracy, huge economy, ingenious innovations, entrepreneurship, Hollywood and world-class universities were to form my tag cloud when I thought about the country. Having watched several web series on OTT, like Suits for example, I was sure I knew the country quite well.

Though we’re literally on the other side of the planet, I assumed my Netflix account and Hollywood movies have made the country so familiar that I wouldn’t be surprised by the language or terrain. How wrong was I!

Technology has shrunk the world. We the so-called tech-people living in large albeit densely populated India are so used to the shortened scales that we are not so prepared for the comparative vastness of the colossal country. This is even more surprising because other than my homeland, the country that makes my second home is the tiny but beautiful Netherlands.

USA is huge! From the moment I stepped out, the vastness of the country could be felt without much effort, be it the airport itself, highways and the distances to cover from A to B. Only those who are used to walking to a corner ‘mom and pop’ shop regularly in Hyderabad, one of the busiest software cities of India, can imagine my surprise at finding that some of the cars I passed by on highways may have been taking people for hours from their homes to their nearest grocery stores.

These quirks of the country don’t end there. In fact, my journey of experiencing them has just begun when I stepped into a taxi. I did know that tips are obligatory in the US, but I didn’t know how to determine what’s meagre and what’s lavish. But I was politely told by the driver to make it easy by multiplying the amount with 2 and divide it with 10 or 100 depending on what the amount is. Funny way of saying its 20%

Michael Collins , a dear friend, well-wisher, who provides great counsel to me on the US tech business climate, took the time and effort to help Mihir and myself feel welcome in the US. He flew down from Florida, and gave us a great experience of New York, the lay of the land, culture and most importantly how to be a New Yorker when you are in New York.

I went to the states to drop my son, Mihir, at Cornell for his undergrad, and Mihir found a mentor in Michael.

I must talk about the great dinner we had together with KP (will talk about him in a bit). A fantastic restaurant chosen Buddakan (75 and 9th) by Michael, a place often visited by New York’s who’s who. Great choice, excellent ambience, great service and sumptuous food! The other surprise in the US is food and its proportions. The very first time I saw the ordered food, I was checking if it’s the right portion or our own order. And usually the restaurants are quite generous in their serving portions.

Drinks, unless it’s an espresso, was handed in what seemed to be a bucket-sized cup compared to my standard Indian teacup.

The food portions were as generous. However, this generosity is generally also met with a gratuity of similar proportions. Who would otherwise be the right person to explain how to understand it than Michael himself. That was a tipping point for myself.

It is customary to tip the waitperson in India too, however, the tip amounts are usually as diverse as the country itself. Since, they are supposed to be a percentage of the bill, I often found myself uncomfortably calculating percentages like a middle school student who was denied a calculator. At times when I was unsure, I handed an approximate amount, only to be confused more – Was the waiter happy? Or was it the look ‘Uncle Scrooge’ received? New situations brought new dilemmas. Do they receive tips at self-service counters?  Did I miss tipping at places where I was expected to?

Thankfully, Michael explained it all to me in a way I understood. KP knew, but Mihir has his first lesson too. He educated me about liberal vs parsimonious tipping, and also explained me of the reasons why a decent tip is expected. It is so sad that the wages in some fields like the hospitality sector, haven’t been increased in line with the compounding inflation. And I learnt, Covid played a big role too.

I thought I understood a lot more than what a liberal tip is. Alas, I was overconfident. I read somewhere in my childhood, the word TIP stands for ‘To Insure Promptness’ in service.

When something is part of the culture of the land, the understanding should go beyond definition so you can blend well in the new situation.

Later I found the discussion with KP, during our drive from Ithaca to NYC, went around liberal capitalism, economic principles for equality and human dignity, and comparing the effects of economic growth over Europe, India, and America.

Padmanabha Katta aka KP and myself went to university together. That was in 1995, the days of 5¼ diskettes. He was the saviour for the class who always kept clean copies of Fortran 77 and Cobol compilers. He could easily make friends but more importantly also keeps friendships. He spent 6 full days with Mihir and myself, driving us from NYC to Ithaca, giving a full tour of NY upstate including Albany. I fell sick during that week and KP was God send, practically handled everything for Mihir. Thanks to his own children who just finished undergrad and high school respectively, he knows everything that is needed for a student who goes to dorm for the first time.

Talking about the tipping point, this is a transformative moment where witnessing or experiencing acts of selflessness from friends leads to a personal realization. It's that moment of truth when the cumulative impact of their kindness becomes undeniable, inspiring you to adopt similar values and behaviors. I was thinking whether I could have done the same in his shoes, which he kept assuring me that that I would.  He says, what are friends for.

This "tipping point" is the transition from passive observation to active participation in selflessness, where you feel motivated to pay it forward and help others without expecting anything in return.

True, who finds a friend, finds a treasure.

The thought that a huge country achieved it did, building massive infrastructure all across the land, ensuring entrepreneurship drives economy and hard work is routine, is a learning that is not possible on OTT. The other interesting moment which is another tipping point was when my son told me, ‘Now I am on my own, out of the house, I need to earn my expenses’. This is slightly (under statement) different from what he would have said if he continue his under grad program in India. Experience is a very good teacher!

By the way, the long drive from New York City to Albany and then onto Ithaca, also surprised me as to how many villages and tows, we passed through, that were really sounding 'Dutch'. I learnt that Beverwijck was the Dutch name for Albany. On the way, found sign board carrying names like 'Van Allen", "Defreestville" etc. I told my son, I feel at home ;-)