Tolerating the Intolerable: How Elders Handle It
[4-minute read]
Tolerating the Intolerable: How Elders Handle It
Viktor Frankl was one of my foundation stones for critical thinking and understanding how to live my life. His message was loud and clear: how you choose to relate to the world is up to you.
You are always the responsible agent, period. No one and nothing is “doing it to you.”
Viktor Frankl coined the term tragic optimism to describe the ability to maintain hope and find meaning in life despite its inevitable suffering, pain, and tragedies.
As a Holocaust survivor, Frankl had the deepest, most genuine, and direct experience of suffering, pain, and tragedy. He had the right to speak.
In today's world, both in the U.S. and globally, Frankl's work stands as the best example for modern elders to follow and live by. Contemporary elders learn to embody Frankl’s wisdom of tragic optimism, which allows them to stay centered and practice tolerating the intolerable.
By reflecting on Frankl’s teachings, elders relate to the intolerable differently than most. They see it as contributory, not destructive.
Elders learn about intolerance early in their passage and experience it firsthand in a culture that sees being an elder as simply "older."
Elders, seen as merely older, are often excluded, isolated, and unappreciated. They face a culture that equates age with obsolescence, uselessness, and worthlessness.
Despite their potential to guide, heal, and inspire, elders encounter systemic ageism, exclusion from decision-making, and disregard for their contributions.
How can we, as elders, shift from being seen as burdens and intolerable to being valued and genuinely included?
It’s Our Time
My fellow elders and I have silently endured this marginalization, embodying patience born of our understanding. But we now realize that tolerating being seen as intolerable has come at a cost—it further entrenched the systems that desperately needed repair.
Our disengagement also enabled self-centered, ego-driven, greed-driven, and power-driven leadership. It wasn’t top-down; it was top-only.
But for many in our nation, the pain has grown so deep, the suffering so intense, and the anxiety so overwhelming that the door to elder wisdom is beginning to open.
As contemporary elders, we recognize and have begun to challenge this intolerable dynamic of being disregarded, unwelcome, and seen as useless.
As elders, we know the only way to meet this challenge is to be heard. Wisdom has no power if ignored.
We elders are here to break through the barriers of prejudice and ignorance. It’s an arduous climb in a culture obsessed with youth, fearful of death, and driven by the belief that “more is better.”
Yet, as we observe our communities, our nation, and our world heading toward greater pain and suffering, our call to duty is loud and clear.
How can we elders make our voices heard and our presence felt in a world consumed by division, distrust, anxiety, and a rush to anger and conflict? Elders embody the opposite—unity, trust, equality, and peace.
Now, more than ever, it’s clear the world desperately needs the wisdom and presence of genuine elders.
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What We Elders Are Doing About It
Elders have learned to tolerate the intolerable, drawing on a lifetime of experience that has taught them resilience, patience, and perspective.
They understand that turmoil is transient, having weathered enough storms to know even the darkest clouds eventually part. Impermanence is woven into how elders think and live.
Elders lean into their higher wisdom, using reflection and discernment to separate what truly matters from what doesn’t. They continue to pursue higher wisdom, realizing this mountain has no top—a hallmark of elderhood.
This higher wisdom transcends ordinary knowledge, rooted in spiritual, ethical, and universal truths. It provides clarity, purpose, and the ability to see beyond appearances or biases, helping elders grasp the bigger picture, navigate complexity, and align actions for the greater good.
As elders, we are responsible for choosing how we “be” in life, independent of circumstances—a truth Viktor Frankl captured brilliantly. We focus on what we can influence rather than being consumed by what we cannot.
Humor, gratitude, and community are essential tools. Self-reflection, contemplation, meditation, and inquiry are the inner tools that construct connections and perspectives, lightening life’s burdens.
In a noisy world, an elder’s presence encourages reflection, healing, and a collective commitment to what truly matters: building a future grounded in wisdom, compassion, and shared humanity. Curiosity kills cats but enlivens elders.
Our work as elders now is to become people worth listening to—seen as valuable, wise, and capable of adding direct value. We need to make clear what an elder provides.
An authentic elder at the table has the power to change the context, the condition, and the people at the table—and that change can transform the world.
Closing Message
Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning profoundly influenced me. His teachings reiterate that meaning and responsibility are the foundation of human freedom.
I took to heart his book, first published in 1946, and intuitively recognized that his principles were the bedrock for my own search for meaning and freedom.
What Dr. Frankl says about meaning and responsibility are also the anchor principles for our upcoming program: “Who Do I Need to Be? How Do I Need to Listen? What Can I Do to Repair the World?” beginning in January 2025.
Here is the best video of Viktor Frankl I have found. It has Spanish subtitles, but the conversation is in English:
As Frankl repeatedly states in the video, having meaning and purpose in your life is core. Indeed, it is the foundation for tolerating the intolerable and being free of its influence.
What gives your life meaning? What is your higher purpose?
A Request
Help me make the possibility of elderhood real in the world by forwarding this post to someone who is old enough and ready to consider transitioning from older to elder.
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1wGreat advice