The Truth

I have allot to say lately, not too unusual for me really, I was born with a microphone in my hand as my Mum says. And I guess I was, there's a photo of me when I was a baby, about 6 months old, 'on the road' aka on tour with my Mum (she was a singer, retired now) and for the most part, I look like your standard 'squishy baby', except I have a microphone in my hand which is being propped up my my mum as she held me in her arms. I also appear to be eating the microphone. Not much has changed.

I've been harnessing the anger I feel inside of late as I witness yet another politician swear he didn't sexually assault a young woman; I felt the rage curl in my toes and spread to the top of my head when I witnessed this man on the news throw caution to the wind when he swept the allegations under the carpet, like you would place soup in your mouth. And the single thing that enraged me the most? The narrative the news and HE orchestrated around HER mental health. Saying with a microphone in his face, that he felt she was 'unstable mentally' and words such as 'depression' were thrown around and shown on the screen. I was warming up on the treadmill when I saw this evolve, my eyes fixated on the injustice, my heart pumping blood faster than I can sip wine at 5pm on a Friday, my soul ready to leave my body and astral travel to this douchebags place so I can whack him in the face, place duck tape on this mouth so he can engulf his own lies, manipulations and deceptions.

How dare he. How dare they. I am still enraged. Still wondering how I can make an impact and CHANGE our current outdated, tired landscape that is this constant BS that seemingly rears it's ugly head every month, every week, everyday, every hour. We are tired. Tired of being fearful that if we speak up at our workplaces, we will lose our jobs and tired of the outcomes that lead us to our deaths. One woman lost her job, the other lost her life. This is insanity. And I will always FIGHT against corruption, greed, lies, manipulations, stigmas, dogmas, inequality injustices. I will FIGHT time and time again. I will not back down. I will not stay silent. I will not comply with this BS. Simple. I am not prepared to EVER accept that THIS the 'way things are' - are you kidding?

The anger lies deep, but the fear dissipates. The truth is surfacing and I will dig and dig until my hands bleed to ensure the truth always comes to light. You can't bury the truth and you can't bury me, my sister, my sisters, their sisters their mothers, their daughters - you can't silence anyone forever as even the truth will emerge from their graves.

TRUTH is a virtue apparently, I think some/most people have forgotten that. particularly the muppets in parliament who reside in Australia's Capital - the state of the barren muppets is how I like to think of majority of them.

So here are my TRUTHS. Speaking your TRUTH sets you free and enables you to move the energy that is stuck within your throat, your cells, your fascia, your tissues, ligaments and joints. My TRUTH is being spoken to encourage you to do the same. And my lord, don't I feel like this is what I was born to do on many levels - to create change. I am here to ensure that happens in my lifetime. I am here to speak my truth. I am here to help you do the same. And so we begin.

1. I can feel my Dad slipping away from us. Physically he has one foot here and one foot in the upper realms. I can feel him preparing himself and us for his departure of this earth. I can feel his pain. I can feel our healing together as Father and Daughter. This is undoubtedly such a hard truth to write and tears well up in my eyes but it's the truth.. I look at him and the colour of his skin diminishes every week, the life force the once lit up his face, is now fading to a greyish colour. I remind myself that death is apart of life and that we never truly die. Our bodies do, our souls do not. Freedom is in death, at least for my Father he will be in peace and out of pain when the time comes and I feel that time may be sooner than I care to imagine.
2. I am so proud of myself for how far I have come. NO ONE has really any idea around what I'm really referring to. I'd like to change this one day by writing a book, of which I have started. I want to redefine a *thing or two. I've been thinking of the title and 'From Darkness to Light - a memoir of surviving the sh*t storm.' comes to mind, along with 500 other titles.
3. Coldplays song 'O' their hidden track has been on repeat since 5am this Morning as I sit here on the couch, with my coffee, thinking that I should really get to do some yoga before I get ready for work but I'm absolutely feeling like a weight has been lifted as I write this. Who knew I'd enjoy writing so much. Now I understand why my ex husband (almost, a signature away) loved writing so much. Except it would sh*it me to tears that his grammar was so unbelievably bad.
4. I had a very mild panic attack on Monday, in the opening of works Conference. Sat amongst strangers in a room, trying to breathe through it, count my fingers, fixate on the water bottle, checking my pulse on my wrist as I felt like I was having a heart attack. I calmed myself down and have no idea why this took place in the first place. This is the 5th panic attack I've had in a year. I haven't told my friends or family at large, my sister knows. They are so horrible I can't even begin to tell you. You literally feel like you are going to die and at one point in Melbourne in 2020, I thought I was. I don't know what triggers them, maybe stress and when I'm super tired. They are a mystery to me and something I'd like not to experience ideally, hmmmmm kaayy universe, ya hear me?!
5. I'm a SUPER sensitive soul. I can pick up, read and feel your energy from a mile away. It's tiring and hard to know sometimes who's energy/emotions I'm picking up - what's mine and what's not. Yesterday my Dad had another bout of his 'cluster/suicide headaches' - I had banging headache all day yesterday too. I'm serious when I say I can feel the pain of those who are closest to me. I understand this now and I'm no longer fearful of my sensitive 'gifts'.
6. I hate being tied down or feeling like I am in a cage, my soul craves freedom. I'm an old soul, this I know for sure.
7. I was fired from my first job at 14.5 years of age for going out to get coffee. LOL.
8. I can sing and used to sing at allot of functions, weddings, corporate gigs etc - my biggest claim to fame is singing alongside my Mum and Sister at 'Carols by Candlelight' in Sydney in-front of thousands of people and it being televised to millions. I also accidentally flashed part of my boob to millions of people that night. A gust of wind blew on stage and this flimsy, black, cue top that I was wearing went sideways and I somehow had to pretend that nothing was unusual and carry on singing. HILARIOUS. I also laugh at the memory of when I walked out on stage at Channel 9 when we were filming Mums segment of 'This is Your Life' and did the most awkward entrance dance I have ever seen in my life. Like WHAT WAS I THINKING?
9. I have a feeling that in the years to come, I'll be helping humanity at scale.
10. When I young, whilst at school, I was taken to a place to get 'tested' for ADD or attention deficient disorder. I refused then to be labeled and I refuse now. You can shove that theory and your title, right back where it belongs. ADD is NOT a disorder, it's a god damn gift.

11. I'm running behind and need to do some stretches so I can get this injured back of mine moving.

Until next time, likely tomorrow at 5;30am when my ramblings and creativity is in full force.

I hope this inspires you to speak your truth, 'even if your voice shakes.'