Try, try again...
There is an increasing awareness in academia regarding the stresses and mental health challenges associated with tertiary study - Nature Magazine has, perhaps understandably, paved much of the way in reports on the matter (but, of course, not alone):
Moreover, universities have begun to provide dedicated teams and to implement procedures to address the mounting concerns amongst parents, students and staff (including at my alma mater)...
On my own part, I am certainly, well aware of how bad for my health my doctoral studies were … But, I’m also aware that, if there is to be blame, it rests upon my perceptions, my attitude and my drive (as well as my neglect of warnings and commonsense). My supervisor and colleagues were all brilliant and supportive, and I had an exhilarating, fulfilling and fun time - socially and academically. But, I also pushed myself waaaay too hard - even getting our campus security concerned; our amazing guards would often come to my lab or office and force me to take breaks in the middle of the night, sitting down to have some coffee and biscuits with them as they, more often than not, regaled me with stories of the war and Britain in the “old days”.
I’ve written before about how incredibly proud I was (and am) of my thesis, but it did cost me in my health - quite severely. Nonetheless, I felt the entire journey worth that price and more, just to witness the look on my mother’s face as I accepted my diploma at our graduation and was formally acknowledged to have become “Dr Lucy, the bona fide scientist”. I also know how fortunate I was to be given the opportunity and how that opportunity seemed so absurd and unlikely:
Me? With a PhD? I failed my ‘A’ Levels!
But, it isn’t just at PhD that such stresses and risks arise. At all levels of study, our youth (and, indeed, lifelong learners of all ages) can all-too-often find themselves overwhelmed by expectation and pressure - whether self-imposed or applied by others (parents, teachers, peers, society at large).
About a month ago, I posted an article on a famed annual educational trauma in Singapore, the PSLE. The results of that trial and tribulation have just been released, highlighting the known but brushed-under-the-carpet thought that the exams were only an aspect of the stress, what comes after can be far more daunting. But, the Singaporean educational system is robust and fair and the reports are that 98.5% of our national treasure (our children) succeeded in obtaining sufficiently high scores to go forward to secondary school. More comfortingly, those in the 1.5% who struggled have alternate pathways prepared for their success too:
Our honoured Prime Minister, Lawrence Wong , posted (on November 20th) about these results, quite reassuringly and correctly asking that everyone should: “Remember there is no need to compare or to feel pressured by what others do. Choose your own path and excel in all that you do!”
His words echoed with something from that “bona fide scientist” article of mine too:
So, to all of those, at any level, celebrating their success or the success of those they love:
Heartiest congratulations!
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Your journey continues and, gloriously, there is always more to learn and more to give to support those around you.
To those that have found their path more strewn with obstacles and dilemma than they might have felt prepared to face:
Persevere!
We are all on our own journey and no track is inherently more valuable or respectable than any other. Embrace the joy of life, rather than be burdened by the fears that might lurk at any turn.
Help those around you - for they have their fears and icebergs too and there can be no overemphasis on the importance of empathy: by recognizing that everyone has their own journey and struggles and by helping others and sharing in the collective experience, we create a supportive environment where no one has to face their fears alone.
To our educators at all levels, embrace nuance and the support diversity of ability as much as diversity of character. Education is not a commodity, regardless of how fiercely many seek to make it so.
Always, always believe and realise that reciprocity is key: give what is needed, take only what is offered and what you really need. Greed is a vile thing that only ever hurts holistically and ubiquitously in the end.
For those in crisis: please reach out.
These darkest, bleakest moments in which we all at times feel enmeshed may seem insurmountable. The “failure” we believe ourselves to be at a task unaccomplished, at a success unattained becomes our universe and our reality. It all seems to be an engulfing miasma, a sapping thing which can never be assuaged, diminished or overcome. Words and even acts of compassion or understanding seem only to sting rather than salve. Truly, your feelings are real and profound and may weigh upon you with the heaviness of perpetuity, an encumbrance for life - and that life may, for that moment, feel unworthy to continue.
But, it is only for that moment and however long that moment feels, those feelings are fleeting. They will pass, if you just give them time.
No exam, no job, no experiment and no thesis or negation by another is more important than you. So, please give pause, to yourself and to others. Breathe and await the dawn.
You are a treasure of immeasurable value, a uniqueness beyond comprehension. There is a pathway for you and no failure, no lapse of success, no barrier or denial or even applied or implied shame is forever. Any stain is washable or amendable - give yourself another chance, and then another. Be damned what any naysayer proclaims! If opportunity is denied by one, find another. But do not give up and do not give in. Embrace yourself and welcome the embrace of others. No matter how bleak the night, the dawn or the day before may seem, the sun will come up, and each new day yields new opportunity - you just need to be there to GRAB IT!