Two Phrases That Completely Changed How I Communicate

In my younger years, I was brash, blunt, and without nuance. I really saw the world in black and white. In right and wrong. This is the way it is, no compromise. No regard for emotions, feelings, or anything else. Just the facts ma’am as they would say.

Over the years, even though I was right because I just looked at the facts and removed emotion from a lot of my decision-making. Never perfect, but I tried to really look at it this way. Because when you put emotion into decisions, especially in the roles that I was in, it took its toll. Bad decisions were made because the emotion of the moment overruled long-term thinking.

If you look at it in short vs long-term thinking – I was being too short-sighted when I didn’t put any emotion into something. Because while the decision-making process was sound, now convincing people or making them FEEL that it was the right decision was more difficult. Mainly because I process things so logically rather than emotionally.

Because when people don’t FEEL good about a decision even though it is the correct decision, the less likely they are to act. The less likely they are to take your advice and counsel. They need to feel good about the decision being made. When they feel good, they’ll do something about it.

It took me a long time to learn this. A long time to see the error in my ways of how I was communicating. Because it needs to be a blend of logic and EMOTION. In fact, more people are persuaded by emotion and feelings than they are by logic. Logic is a small part of the decision-making process. This is probably why a lot of people go against their own best interest because they don’t feel good about it for whatever reason.

When you are looking to convince people, it’s important to put as much emotion into the argument as possible, then sprinkle in the logic. Again, I’ve learned this by experience and am by no means an expert in this yet. It’s just what I’ve learned and gone through.

Now, you might be wondering what the two phrases are and how to use them to improve your communication and ability to connect with people.

1.      If I understand/hear you correctly…

2.     What I’m hearing is…

These two phrases to start off a sentence when you are talking with someone and just don’t understand them or want to clarify with them to make sure you are on the same page, have changed how I communicate. I still don’t use them as much as I should.

Because what this does is put you in a place of lesser status for a minute. Giving the other person some more power and you are recognizing them. Doing it this way allows you to ask the question, and clarify without attacking the other person. It gives them an opportunity to correct themselves and for you to better understand them.

These two simple phrases completely changed how I communicate – when I actually use them.