Two ways to deal with perfection and learn more from failure

Two ways to break the cycle of perfection and gain more from failure 

Ah, perfection. It sounds like such a good thing, doesn’t it? Flawless presentations, error-free reports, and seamless execution! Problem is, perfection isn't attainable. And, when we aim for it, it hinders our true and most extraordinary potential. Here’s why…

The Paradox of Perfection

Early in our careers, perfectionism can seem especially important. We strive for recognition and advancement and because our work tends to be less judgment based, avoiding mistakes is probably a worthy goal. But, as we progress, it can be difficult to shift from avoiding mistakes to embracing them as learning opportunities. 

Webster’s Dictionary defines perfection as “being free from flaws.” That definition clashes with how we naturally grow and improve. Mastery can’t be achieved overnight; it takes trial, error, and even failure.

Shifting the Focus from Perfection to Growth

The real problem with perfectionism arises when we fixate on avoiding all mistakes and allow fear of failure to fuel a form of paralysis that leaves us unable to try new things and risks. 

The fear of failure, of losing control, of not being able to predict the outcome, is terrifying. The more tightly we hold on the more terrified we become of change, of what we don’t know and of the very real possibility that we will fail. That constant fear is what really fuels perfection. I know because I have been there!

In the course I created: "Women, Leadership, Influence and Power," we explore the detrimental effects of perfectionism, and what we can do to shift our perspective and embrace a more growth-oriented approach. It’s important to note, when perfectionism runs through your veins, you might not ever rid yourself of it entirely. But, there are some things you can do to mitigate its impact on your future growth and to shift the script into a much more valuable personal narrative. 

Embracing Setbacks as Opportunities for Learning

First, learn to recognize the tendency and how it manifests itself. In class, we use a combination of writing exercises to reflect on those moments and then try to dig into what was really fueling that desire for perfection. Typically the reasons can be found when we go back and look at our personal story. It might be based on a specific misstep, or maybe a lifelong feeling of always needing to do things just right out of fear of punishment or some obligation to others. 

Whatever it is for you, getting to the heart of why we feel the need to be perfect is the first step. 

Second, we look at the value of past setbacks by reflecting on them and extracting valuable lessons. For most of us, that requires noticing any negative self-talk that might be coloring the experience, and then reframe what happened in more positive terms. In class, we practice using positive language to help showcase how valuable these experiences really are, and how they create important dimensions and differentiations in our personal stories (and in our personal brands!)

Understanding that value and learning to leverage that it can help us build greater resilience for future challenges. And, it can also help us better understand the ways that failure and setbacks are not the end of our story, but rather important stepping stones on our journey. 

The Myth of Failure

Many successful individuals, including the women who join me each week on She Said/She Said Podcast view failure as their most effective teachers. But, that’s only true when they step back and examine the missteps and identify areas for improvement and create a plan for how to try again. 

Another important aspect of recognizing and understanding our failures is the value that comes from sharing them, as my guests have done on the podcast, to help others benefit from what they learned as well. Talk about a win/win! And a great way to use personal influence to help others!

Perfection vs. Doing Your Best

Progress – not perfection – is the ultimate goal. By focusing on continuous improvement, digging into and learning from mistakes, and embracing challenges, we can unlock our full potential and be better equipped to achieve lasting success and personal  influence that stands the test of time.

What are your favorite lessons from missteps or failures? And if perfection is something that you struggle with, I’d love to hear about your experience.  

#personaldevelopment #growthmindset #leadership #womeninleadership #learningfrommistakes #embracingfailure #rejectperfection #buildinfluence #perfectionism #embracefailure #learnfrommistakes #fearoffailure