The Ugly Side

We all have those days and even seasons of life where we are just not awesome. We aren’t where we want to be with our health, careers, or relationships. We are just going through the motions of being ”as good as we can be” and knowing we can be better. Sadly, these days can turn into months, and even years of "subparness" (no, that isn’t a real word, Grammarly, so please stop yelling at me to edit it).

We know that better is out there for us, and we want that feeling of “aliveness” back because, dang it, we’ve got a big impact to bring on this world. So how can we get unstuck and start feeling alive again? Well, the HARD truth is we have to address what's holding us back and preventing the changes or strides from happening. We have to embrace the ugly side to get to the brighter side.

I envision two cliffs separated by a gaping chasm. It’s dark in the crevice and scary as hell to look down. A shotty swinging bridge connects the two. The side you are on is good enough, albeit a bit gray and not super awesome, but it works, and you don’t want for necessities. But the other side of the bridge (if you can make across the chasm) is bright, sunny, and looks so warm and inviting. That’s the side you want to be on, but to get there, you’ll have to cross the bridge in a storm. It will be cold and dark, and the bridge will be creaky. You’ll want to turn around and run back to safety, not knowing if the worn wood panels of the bridge will hold your weight.

You get the picture. It doesn’t seem fun at all.

The truth is that most beauty comes from ashes, and most things look easy to someone on the outside looking in. So whether it's that summer body, starting a business, getting a promotion, or overcoming an addiction.

You name it, the growth and overcoming of the battles to come out stronger, well, they can just plain suck in the moments of hurt.

Accept it

When I think about improving or recovering the best place to start is accepting where we are at and in fact it’s really helpful to look to models used in recovery from drugs and alcohol for help. In my research and as I am working to improve my own health, I found a recovery website that speaks to the Five Stages of Change:

 1. Precontemplation Stage: In this phase, we don’t admit a problem exists and defend our habits, stating that we’ve tried before and it didn’t work, so why try now?

2. Contemplation Stage: You realize that change could be good, but still want to defend your habits (or current state). This stage opens the door to a conversation about things.

3. Preparation Stage: A shift towards action takes place taking preliminary steps, such as planning to engage in healthier activities or seeking betterment, though setbacks are common.

4. Action Stage: Marked by significant lifestyle changes and a commitment to better, with efforts to seek professional assistance and a focus on self-care to prevent relapse.

5. Maintenance Stage: Dedicated effort to avoid relapse while maintaining healthy lifestyle changes established in the action stage, with increased confidence in the ability to sustain long-term success. The duration of this stage can vary significantly based on individual factors.

These are the phases of change when it comes to addiction. I am not speaking directly to that, but I want to point out the similarities here regarding GETTING BETTER at nearly anything.

It starts with recognizing where we are today and that it could be better and then walking through multiple other steps to get to your desired outcome. For addiction, it’s sobriety and maintaining that sobriety. It’s not all that different for anything we want to improve on.

Career advancement requires the thought that you want to get to a higher role. You think about what it would be like, you map out what it will take to get there, and it takes longer than you think (hello setbacks). You take action to get that degree or make the big ask to be promoted, and if you get that new role, you now need to continue elevating your capabilities to meet the new demands.

New levels of success demand more from you, which is no surprise.  

Take care

You want more, and that, more or better, requires hard work. If you want to get past steps 1-3 of change above (pre-contemplation, contemplation, and preparation), it will probably require some form of sacrifice on your part. Setting aside a part of you or your pride that exists today, to take steps forward. In this season, you need to offer yourself some serious grace and take care of yourself. This isn’t necessarily the time to take on more or drown yourself in busyness.

Embrace the suck

We’ve all heard this sentiment “embrace the suck” and frankly, when you’re in “it” whatever “it” looks like for you, you have zero desire to do that.

You’d rather cave and give into complacency or return to what you know because it’s easy. And facts here are easy isn’t going to advance you. Personally, I am in a season of focusing on my health. It’s required me to deny myself certain things and do better and I’m not a fan, but I am pushing through. I’ve had more medical appointments in 2024 than in the last 5 years combined. Accepting okay health isn’t going to get me where I know I want to be. And where I want to be requires more energy and mental focus. I know I can’t get there without making some changes. So if you are in a season of getting better at anything, know this. You are not alone!

 Remember your why

Lastly, you must always come back to something bigger than you. Be it your family, your faith, or your dreams. In order to launch forward, you will need to go back to these things OFTEN to remind yourself why you are aiming for better. It makes the suck feel a bit more manageable. The end of this month brings about surgery number 2 for me this year, and it’s still strange to be the one on the table, but here’s to getting better, my friends. It won’t be easy, but will it be worth it? I’m confident it will be for me and for you as well.

Be so blessed.

Becca