Uncluttered Minds: Part 2— Cultivating JOMO

Pandora’s box had been opened. 

Abstaining from social media brought back a flood of memories; especially, and oddly, from my two years working on an inpatient psychiatric unit.

One group, in particular, stood out. This group of patients was one of my most difficult. There were several active addicts in the group and some in recovery. 

Day after day, I would attempt (in frustration) to redirect their conversations away from drug use and back to healthy coping tools. It rarely worked. It only took one of them mentioning their drug use for the others to chime in with their own experiences. Each of them spoke fondly of their addiction.

New to the world of addiction and inpatient psychiatry — I was also too new and naïve to fully grasp their experience.

Deja Vu

I can only describe my first few “social free” days as being reminiscent of the withdrawals that I felt when I embarked on my weight loss journey — when my food and sugar addictions seemed stronger than my will or abilities to fight them. I felt completely hopeless about being able to lose weight. 

When I started the change in my eating habits, I remember watching the clock wondering when I could eat again.  It felt like torture. At times, while I was actually eating, I would look at the clock and think to myself that I won’t be able to eat again for a few hours.

My detox experiment felt eerily similar. I found myself thinking about the various platforms I wasn’t using—just as I had obsessed about the food I wasn’t eating. 

My thoughts weren’t constant, but they were frequent enough for me to realize that I needed to make changes to my mental consumption.

Was I in Control of Social Media or Was It in Control of Me?

I always felt as if I was in firm control of my social media usage. Of course, I didn’t have a problem. Of course, there is a reason for what I was doing. Of course.

I never considered what I was doing as excessive. I suppose I was in denial. Scratch that – I was definitely in denial.

I was FAR from being in control. Despite turning the notifications off, its tentacles still were firmly secured to my brain.

I had been quick to tell anyone that would listen, "I was growing a business and my engagement on social media was an important aspect of that growth!" However, I began to question the veracity of that thought/belief.

How much of my time was about the growth of my business and how much of my time was spent filling personal needs?

As someone that values relationships and individuals, my personalized approach was an important element in how I used the various platforms. I truly believe that people aren’t numbers, they are people. Despite that, I still had to ask myself if there was more to it than that.

I knew from experience that if I wasn’t honest with myself, I had a tendency to make excuses for my habits and behaviors in order to justify them.

Is that what I was doing this time — justifying?

My Personal Hierarchy of Needs

At some points, I felt like the personification of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. 

Taking a step back, I attempted to ascertain how many needs I was trying to fulfill through my online life.

It was as if I had forgotten that there was the possibility of interaction, engagement and life outside of my electronic devices.

Cultivating a joy of missing out: JOMO

The benefits of social media fasts and digital detoxes are myriad. For me, it cultivated growth and fostered opportunities that only existed offline and away from the cacophony.

By day 4, the thoughts/obsessions about not being online had diminished. I found myself to be much more engaged with the world around me and in my face-to-face interactions.

I read more. I socialized more with my community. I learned to be more intentional with my time now that I had so much more of it. My productivity increased, as did my ability to be comfortable in the silence.

Instead of suffering from the fear of missing out (FOMO), I developed JOMO —the joy of missing out. 

Remember: Health goes beyond appearances. It goes beyond weight loss transformations. Our inner weight must also be measured and adjusted. Balance the scales in your favor.