Understanding One Another: How You Are Like All Others, Like Some Others, and Like No Others

Two years ago, I travelled to Hong Kong to attend a two-day conference. I enjoy industry events—as well as scheduled formal instruction, there are many opportunities for informal cultural learning through interacting with peers from across the globe.

On the second evening, a group of about eight delegates, myself included, decided to share a meal together at a restaurant well-known for its Cantonese cuisine. We were a lively group—to an outsider, it would have appeared that our exchanges flowed easily despite language barriers and other cultural differences. There was much laughter around the table as we shared stories of intercultural blunders and enjoyed an opportunity to learn more about each other’s cultures. There were seven nationalities between us—Malaysian, Chinese, Dutch, Australian, Filipino, French, and American.

Towards the end of the meal, the American member of our party shared with us a problem that she was facing when facilitating cultural training in Dubai. Despite increasing acceptance of women in the workforce in the United Arab Emirates, negative stereotypes towards working women persist, and she was having difficulty engaging some of the male participants in her sessions. She had been considering whether to work with a male co-facilitator, but that would necessitate a fee-split. She asked for our advice.

I thought it was an interesting dilemma and recalled that I had recently read a study with some helpful suggestions for her problem. Because I had been on the road for over a week and was tired from jet-lag and late evenings out, as I organised my thoughts out loud, I sometimes hesitated and occasionally repeated myself. I didn’t realise I had been rambling, though, until the Dutch woman sitting next to me abruptly said, “Shush!”

Shocked and somewhat embarrassed, I slunk back into my chair and the conversation carried on without me. For a brief moment, I was panicked. Had I made a fool of myself? Who else at the table noticed I was rambling? Had anyone else heard her? I chastised myself for speaking out loud before I’d mentally organised my ideas into a coherent argument.

Then my thoughts then turned to my Dutch dinner companion. I was astounded that she had ‘shushed’ me! How impolite and insensitive! I thought she was very rude. And she mustn’t have thought much of me either.

My feelings of animosity, however, were short-lived. I remembered that the Netherlands is one of the highest scoring nations for direct communication. The Dutch value economy of speech and clarity. My inability to make my point quickly would likely have frustrated my Dutch peer. And her response was characteristically Dutch—frank and precise. The Dutch tell it like it is. They value honest and sincere communication and have much less concern for face—one’s social reputation and standing—than other cultures. And she had no intention to offend.

In Australia, we also value direct communication, but when criticising, Australians are more diplomatic than the Dutch, and we rarely deliver criticism socially. As a child, I was taught ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’.

Politeness norms are culturally conditioned—behaviours considered rude and graceless in your culture, might be totally acceptable, even desirable in another culture. When responding to compliments or praise, Chinese speakers might disparage themselves to convey respect. Modesty is an important element of politeness in Chinese culture. But English speakers tend to respond to compliments with a simple ‘thank you’; acceptance of a compliment conveys respect to the giver. English speakers might interpret a Chinese speaker’s debasement as insulting; it diminishes the validity of their compliment. Chinese speakers might interpret an English speaker’s acceptance of a compliment as immodest and rude.

The Fundamental Attribution Error

Psychologists label the tendency to attribute a person’s behaviour to innate character flaws or personality traits rather than contextual influences the fundamental attribution error. When explaining a person’s behaviour, we typically give more weight to dispositional influences than external causes. John is late because he is unreliable, rather than John is late because of bad traffic.

Although our behaviours are often influenced by factors external to the self, we are quick to judge a person’s actions as reflective of their character rather than situational causes because people are the most salient object to us during an exchange, whereas contextual influences are less obvious.

When we work across cultures, the risk of making the fundamental attribution error is high—culture is mostly hidden to the senses and we fail to recognise how it might be influencing our interactions. When working with culturally diverse others, we routinely attribute their behaviours to innate dispositions rather than to their cultural conditioning.

She doesn’t speak up in meetings—she lacks initiative.
He never works past 6pm—he isn’t committed to his job.
She doesn’t stick to the meeting agenda—she is disorganised.
He never meets deadlines—he is unreliable.
He prefers to work alone—he is unfriendly.
She seeks a lot of feedback—she is insecure.
She told me she’s finished the job, but it’s incomplete—she is dishonest.
He responds poorly to direct criticism—he is overly sensitive.
She always confirms our discussions in writing—she is overly cautious (or she doesn’t trust me).

Like All Others, Like Some Others, Like No Others

Overcoming the fundamental attribution error when working across cultures starts with an understanding of the multiple sources of influence on human behaviour.In certain respects, every person behaves like all others: in other respects, like some others…and in some cases, like no others.

In certain respects, every person behaves like all others: in other respects, like some others…and in some cases, like no others.

Human universals—‘like all others.’

All humans share basic survival needs: the need for food and water, the need to reproduce, and the need for protection. Plus, we all have a need for stimulation and variety, for social bonding, and for autonomy and control.

Universal behaviours and traits help us meet those needs. We all have psychological abilities to help us navigate our physical world like colour perception, spatial representation, and short- and long-term memory. Also, we share behaviours that promote social coordination like the universal tendency for group living. Group living provides protection from predators, allows resource sharing, and provides access to mates. Also, language enables us to convey our thoughts and feelings to others. Cultural anthropologists list over 300 universal human behaviours and characteristics.

I was interrupted during one of my workshops in Singapore by an Indian man who had been listening attentively while I explained in detail the differences between cultural groups. “Excuse me,” he asked politely. “You have explained that there all of these significant differences, but I am struck by the fact that around this table today, we are a dozen different nationalities and we are all understanding you. You are making sense to all of us and you have not had had to vary your message for any nationality. Does that imply that we were are actually more similar than you suggest?”

He is right. As members of the human race, we are more similar than we are different. A risk of cultural awareness training is that it focuses on our differences to the exclusion of our similarities. Recognising our shared human nature is fundamental to developing high Cultural Intelligence—acknowledging our shared humanity promotes inclusion and unity. But there are significant variations in the way that we express our humanity that make it difficult for us to communicate and built trust with people from backgrounds different to our own. To work effectively across cultures, we need to recognise both our similarities and our differences.

Personality—‘like no others.’

While human universals reference our similarities, at the opposite end of the spectrum is individuality. We all possess characteristic patterns in thought, emotion, and behaviour. These patterns stay relatively stable across time and situation and distinguish us from others.

Psychologists define five transcultural personality traits. Neuroticism involves nervousness, anxiety, and a lack of emotional control. Extraversion is associated with sociability and activity. Openness is concerned with imagination and curiosity. Agreeableness implies that someone is friendly and good-natured. Conscientiousness is being dependable, achievement orientated, and persistent. These ‘Big Five’ traits promote successful adaptation to our social environment. For example, agreeableness helps us to establish intimacy and neuroticism helps us to identify threats.

All of these five traits are inherited by each of us, to some degree. But a person’s unique experiences drive their patterning and expression. As an example, birth order and sibling dynamics influence our dispositions and interests. Firstborn children are more likely to be more assertive, dominant, achievement-orientated, and conscientious than their younger siblings who, in turn, are likely to be more agreeable and open to new experiences.

Culture—‘like some others.’

Culture lies between our shared humanity and our unique personalities.

Culture refers to patterns in behaviours and mental processes that we share with a group of people with whom we are connected through common life experiences. Groups of people develop distinct patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behaviours as they respond to the survival challenges of their shared environment. Survival challenges include external environmental stresses caused by climate or resource scarcity and threats to internal social integration.

As an example, the Yuit and Inuit populations have responded to the challenge of the Artic climate by using animal skins for clothing, dogsleds for transportation, and snow to build houses. Also, the forbidden consumption of beef in the Hindu diet reflects the traditional importance of cows to the survival of Indian society; cows provided labour for ploughing, dung for fertiliser and fuel, and milk for nourishment.

In addition to ecological adaptation, cooperative group living is critical to human survival. We have an evolutionary tendency to develop shared beliefs and behavioural norms necessary to the formation and maintenance of harmonious and cooperative collectives. Most cultures have beliefs and norms around sexual behaviour, reciprocity, obedience, helping, social responsibility, and group solidarity, for example.

Culture has enabled humans to survive in nearly every socioecological environment of the planet. While some adaptation is inherited and biological, cultural adaptation involves the use of technology and social organisation to ensure survival. 

It would be too simplistic to say that culture is determined solely by the environment: societies facing similar ecological and social challenges have developed different solutions, and other societies have developed similar adaptations despite different environments. Each environment allows several possible solutions while limiting others. Human agency, creativity, and intelligence play a role in cultural adaptation. Humans engage in cognitive reflection, analysis, and active decision-making when attempting to solve survival challenges and choosing from amongst available solutions.

Understanding Culture 

In my developing Cultural Intelligence workshops, I like to do an exercise adapted from Hofstede, Hofstede, & Minkov (2010). I break the room into smaller groups of 4-5 people and ask each group to imagine that they are caught in a gale at sea and find themselves stranded on an uninhabited island together. None of them speaks the same language or come from the same country. How will they ensure that they all survive?

I ask each group to consider the following dilemmas which are critical for coordinating their behaviour to promote survival:

How do you communicate?
Who is in charge?
How are decisions made?
How are conflicts handled?
How do you divide roles between the genders and generations?
How do you divide food?
Who receives an education?
Who cares for the weak, or the sick, the young, or the old?
How do you coordinate productive activity?
How do you manage uncertainty?
How do you manage environmental risks?
How do you ensure conformity with the rules? How do you sanction rule-breakers?
With whom do you share a home?
How do you ensure social harmony?
What behaviours do you promote? What behaviours are discouraged?
How do you define a family unit?
How do you ensure procreation?

Each group’s set of solutions to their survival dilemmas is their culture— their shared understanding of how best to organise themselves to ensure their survival that distinguishes them from other groups.

This activity a powerful exercise in a multicultural classroom because it soon is apparent that there are multiple ways of solving each dilemma. Even in a culturally homogenous environment, there are differences in opinions on how to solve the survival challenges. No two groups present the same solution. What is universal, however, is the tendency for each group to consider their solution superior to others.

Understanding One Another

Understanding, predicting, and influencing human behaviour is essential in business. Whether motivating employees, convincing consumers, negotiating with suppliers or persuading policymakers, success ultimately depends on working well with others. But human behaviour is complex. In our day-to-day lives, other people can confuse and surprise and frustrate us. Imagine how much easier your business and personal life would be if you better-understood others?

A broad understanding of cultural differences improves your ability to explain and predict the behaviours of groups of people who share similar life experiences. Cultural Intelligence helps to prevent confusion and anxiety and improves judgement and problem-solving in diverse settings. Plus, a better understanding of the intentions, behaviours, and viewpoints of diverse others tempers the activation of negative judgements, bias, and stereotypes. By widening your attribution lens, Cultural Intelligence helps you to build effective relationships across cultures to achieve your social and professional goals. 

The original version of this article appeared on my Cultural Intelligence blog. 

To learn more about how Culture Plus can help you to develop a culturally intelligent workforce in 2016, email info@cultureplusconsulting.com, or download our CQ Workshop flyer here.

About the Author

Felicity Menzies is an authority on Cultural Intelligence and diversity and inclusion in the corporate environment. Felicity’s interest in the role of culture in business began during her tenure as the Head of Private Bank, Westpac, in Singapore. There she led a culturally diverse team of bankers serving a multinational client base and learned firsthand how Cultural Intelligence is a necessary component of business success. 

As Principal at Culture Plus Consulting, Felicity now applies her business acumen and intercultural expertise to help global organisations respond effectively to the opportunities and challenges presented by diverse workforces, unfamiliar markets, and rapid shifts in the global competitive landscape.