Understanding People-Pleasing...

Do you find yourself people-pleasing?  Do you understand what people-pleasing actually means and how doing it impacts your life? 

If you find yourself constantly putting yourself last or putting other people’s needs before your own, it’s likely you are people-pleasing in your life. 

Understanding people-pleasing and why you might be doing it in your life can bring such an awareness for you to begin making changes.  When you stop people-pleasing, you can literally change your life.

People-pleasing is when you say or do something at your own expense.  You are not truthful in what you are doing because you are hoping to get approval from the other person.  You are often taking these actions out of feeling guilty or fear. 

You might feel guilty if you tell someone what you are actually thinking, or you are afraid that something negative will come out of the situation when you are being truthful with them. 

Instead of doing what you’d like to be doing, you people-please and put the other person’s feelings or needs above what you are feeling or what you want.  Ultimately, it’s putting someone else’s desires or wants before your own. 

You may think this sounds like the right thing to do, but in general, you are not being truthful to your own needs, and in a sense, you are lying to those you are people-pleasing. 

You may think you are doing the right thing or that you care about someone so much that you’ll do whatever they want, when in fact, when you are people-pleasing, you are manipulating others.  I know this sounds harsh, but it’s true when you are trying to say or do what you think the other person wants so that they react or feel a certain way. 

You are trying to control the outcome.  You may be trying to make someone happy or avoid a conflict when you are people-pleasing.  When you do this, it normally makes you feel uncomfortable and causes you to have a negative outcome. 

If you are wondering if you are people-pleasing, all you have to do is ask yourself how you are feeling about what you are doing.  Are you doing what someone is asking of you because you truly want to do it, or does it feel like you are doing it out of an obligation?  Does it feel good to you, or does it feel bad?  Be honest with yourself if you are finding that it is just a temporary moment that is causing you to feel good. 

People-pleasing will normally allow you to temporarily feel good because of the instant gratification you are getting from feeling needed or helpful, but you have to be truthful about how you are going about it.  Are you hiding your actual feelings?  Your long-term feelings? 

What is the real reason you are doing what you are doing?  Would you behave differently if you weren’t worried about how someone is going to react? 

If you like any of the answers to these questions, you may not be people-pleasing.  It may be that you are truly doing what you are doing out of the goodness of your heart. 

You may be doing these things out of love, and whenever you feel good about what you are doing, it may not be people-pleasing, but what do you do when you find you are people-pleasing?

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