Understanding Self-Gaslighting: How Toxic Positivity, Gratitude, and Optimism Contribute to Burnout

Self-gaslighting is a phenomenon that can have severe consequences on our mental health and well-being, particularly in the workplace. In this video, psychologist and author Sam Vaknin discusses three forms of self-gaslighting: toxic positivity, toxic gratitude, and malignant optimism. By understanding these concepts and recognizing examples in our own lives, we can take steps to prevent burnout and cultivate healthier work environments.

1. Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity is the pressure to maintain a positive outlook regardless of the situation. It involves suppressing negative emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration, and can lead to feelings of guilt and shame when we inevitably experience these natural human emotions. In the workplace, toxic positivity can prevent us from acknowledging and addressing the root causes of stress and burnout.

Example: Your boss consistently overloads you with work, causing you to feel stressed and overwhelmed. Instead of addressing the issue, you tell yourself, "I shouldn't complain. At least I have a job."

2. Toxic Gratitude

Gratitude is generally considered a positive trait, but it can become toxic when used to invalidate our own needs and desires. Toxic gratitude keeps us stuck in unfulfilling or unhealthy work situations, telling us we should be grateful to have a job at all. This mindset hinders us from setting boundaries, advocating for ourselves, or seeking out better opportunities.

Example: You're underpaid and undervalued at your current job, but you convince yourself to stay, thinking, "I'm lucky to have a steady paycheck. I should be grateful for what I have."

3. Malignant Optimism

Malignant optimism is an unrealistic belief that everything will work out for the best, no matter what. In the professional context, this can lead to taking on an unmanageable workload, believing we can handle anything thrown our way. However, this delusional optimism often results in severe burnout and disappointment when reality inevitably catches up.

Example: Despite already working long hours, you agree to take on additional projects, thinking, "I can handle this. Everything will work out fine." As a result, you become exhausted, stressed, and burnt out.

To combat these forms of self-gaslighting, we must develop a more balanced and self-compassionate approach to our work lives.

This involves:

- Acknowledging and validating our own emotions, both positive and negative

- Setting healthy boundaries and learning to say no when necessary

- Critically examining our work situations and advocating for change when needed

By educating ourselves about the dangers of self-gaslighting and actively working to overcome these tendencies, we can build more resilient and fulfilling careers. It's crucial to create a work culture that supports open communication, encourages boundary-setting, and prioritizes employee well-being.

I encourage everyone to watch Sam Vaknin's full video and reflect on how self-gaslighting may be impacting your own work life.

Do you do any of these or see people you know doing them?

#Gaslighting #Burnout #Positivity