Unmasking the Imposter - Part 5

And so the grand finale, for now…

As I mentioned at the start of this series, the Imposter I visualise is the Phantom of the Opera… so maybe when we unmask him, he’s not so scary or mysterious at all…

The theme for this final piece in the series on Unmasking the Imposter is really about boundaries and clarity of what’s expected of you and what you want in life and work...all related to our sense of identity and how we see ourselves...

1. Square peg

Are you constantly working on improving your weaknesses in order to perform better in your role? 

There’s no harm in that itself, but doing this without also playing to your strengths and looking to further build and develop them can really make you acutely aware of all your shortcomings. 

So can you reassess whether the role and your skills are a good match, with room for sustainable growth? 

If you’re in a role that has too much ‘stretch’ zone, are you setting yourself up to fail? 

2. Culture eats Strategy… or does it?

You may feel that the role is a good match to your skills and experience, but still find that you’re having to try hard and that you always should be giving more or doing more. 

• Does the environment, organisation or culture you’re working in really suit you and your values?
• Can you thrive there? 

Think about planting a sunflower in icy, rocky soil, and another one in sunny, warm fertile soil… which one will do best? 

What’s your personal strategy or bigger plan for your own working life… how can you make it your mission to find an environment that helps you to thrive?

3. Compassionate distance 

If you’re feeling a lot of pressure to be better or do better, remember that you as a person are separate and distinct from the role you inhabit - in work or another aspect of life. 

Imagine that your role is a chair you will sit in for a short or long period of time. Someone else probably sat in the chair before you and someone else may take over after you. 

The chair is part of the organisation. 

All organisations have some dysfunctionality, and as one individual, you can’t fix systemic problems by yourself.

It’s good to have boundaries, rather than assuming expectations, and sometimes it’s good to get out of the chair and get some distance from the situation to reevaluate what is within your control or influence.

I was working with a coaching client recently - lets call him James*. James was feeling pressure to perform in a financial services role - dealing with a client who had been passed on to him by a former colleague. The client had a portfolio of investments that James felt weren’t optimal - he felt huge responsibility to fix the problems that had been passed on to him. He found it really helpful to think of his role as a chair, that he would be temporarily occupying and that all the responsibilities actually were attached to the chair, and not to him as a person. This gave him some detachment and space to be able to solve the problem as best he could, but also to recognize that this problem wasn’t of his making and that past decisions couldn’t be reversed.  

4. The Pedestal

Do you feel like you put others on a pedestal? This is a really strong metaphor that we can hold almost as a 3D model buried in our consciousness.

It's great to have people that we admire and can learn from, but if we put them on a pedestal, we are automatically diminishing ourselves in relation to them - perhaps judging ourselves as never being able to be as good as them. Hardly a growth mindset, right?

You can test this out with a little physical experiment if you are able for it - think of someone you really admire or have looked up to, perhaps been a little overawed by. Raising two hands in front of you with palms facing down, one to represent you and one to represent your ‘idol’, move your hands up or down in the air to represent your view of the relative position of you and the other person. 

Are your two hands close in height, or is one much higher than the other? What does that indicate to you? This is just an embodied way to explore and show our internal model of how we might relate to others, and see ourselves as inferior to them.

If you want to speak up in a meeting with a senior colleague, or ask a question of your CEO or make a connection with a well-known influential person, what’s stopping you? Let them decide if they have time to reply or support - don’t try to control the situation (saving yourself from disappointment) by opting out in the first place.

Remember they too are fellow human beings walking around on the same floor as the rest of us, with many of the same day to day struggles. Mental hierarchies, corporate structures and even how our society is organised are ‘figments of the imagination’ or ‘human constructs’ as Yuvah Noah Harari put it in his book “Sapiens” - though they do have real consequences and impacts of course. But within our own heads we can remind ourselves that no-one of us is really superior to anyone else, which can help to level the playing field.

Pedestalise no-one … 

5. Creating your own Psychological Safety  

David Rock’s SCARF model outlines five factors that influence our feeling of psychological safety, which maximises our ability to contribute and perform, and perhaps to take risks. 

So we move towards situations that feel rewarding in terms of these areas below, and steer away from feelings of threat. 

1. Status - we feel acknowledged, respected and valued (vs undermined, unvalued)
2. Certainty - we are sufficiently clear about where we are headed (vs no clear goals, next steps, lack of clarity of purpose )
3. Autonomy - we have sufficient agency and ability to take action (vs no perceived power or authority)
4. Relatedness - we feel like we belong and are connected (vs unsupported, disconnected, disengaged, don’t fit in)
5. Fairness - we feel we are being treated fairly & transparently (vs lack of transparency or justice)

Can you look for ways to create these conditions for yourself as much as possible, rather than waiting for it to happen around you?

Most of our internal self-talk, beliefs, judgements, values, hopes and fears, whether conscious or sub-conscious, informs our actions and behaviours. 

It's really important not to believe them fully but to hold them lightly - and keep checking in with what they really mean for you right now and for where you want to be.

Our internal judge, critic or saboteur evolved through some of our previous experiences, to try to protect us and keep us safe, and perhaps is no longer serving us.

So instead of thinking about the imposter as something that’s trying to trick you or trip you up, what if you could imagine it’s a body guard or stunt person, and it’s trying to keep you safe from things you are fearful of?

Next time your ‘imposter’ shows up, be curious and ask yourself what are they trying to save you from and is that serving you?

The Imposter is itself just a front, and we need to look behind the mask and deeper into ourselves to find out how to unmask it…

Some useful resources / authors I’ve mentioned or referred to in this series are:

• Martha Beck “Finding your own North Star”
• David Rock “SCARF model”
• Brené Brown “Rising Strong” and her podcasts
• Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine for the Judge and Saboteur voices
• Sapiens by Yuvah Noah Harari

If you've found this series helpful or want to share your thoughts, feel free to comment.

If you'd like to work with me on changing your imposter thinking and how it holds you back, do get in touch !