The Unnatural Act of Listening

Years ago, when I was still in college and working as a part-time customer service representative (CSR) for Fifth Third Bank, an angry customer came into our branch. I was still a little green and watched as she went to a different window.

I couldn’t help but overhear as the customer detailed what had happened and how upset she was that she’d gotten a fee. I don’t remember all the details, but I remember thinking she had a right to be upset.

My coworker calmly reacted with empathy, asked questions, and encouraged the customer to tell him more.

The thing I remember most clearly is watching my coworker calmly react with empathy, ask questions, and encourage the customer to tell him more. Even then I could see what was happening: the more the customer talked and could see she was being listened to and cared about, the calmer she got. She could tell she finally found someone who cared about her and her predicament.

When someone comes at you aggressively, there is a natural inclination to respond in kind. But if instead you listen and try to understand, that energy will dissipate as the customer sees that you are working with them, not against them.

When someone comes at you aggressively, there is a natural inclination to react in kind. If your goal is to escalate the situation, that’s the way to do it. But if your goal is to deescalate, to understand, and to find a solution, you have to do what my peer did and absorb the energy, rather than return it; take the anger and work to understand it; see past the accusations and find the root cause.

This isn’t always easy—though it gets easier each time you do it—because you and someone who’s upset will often have different goals. Theirs will be to make someone pay for the injuries they’ve suffered; yours will be to find a solution. Sometimes it takes a bit for the other person to get on board with your plan, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it fail. 

It’s important to remember that this isn’t about you, personally. To your customer, you are the company.

It’s important to remember that this isn’t about you. You aren’t Shawn, you are [insert company name here]. To the customer, you represent your company, and you are in a position to make things better and make a difference.

And in case you’re wondering whatever happened to that customer who came into our branch, my coworker was promoted to Banker shortly thereafter and that customer refused to talk with anyone else about anything financial. Because, as he used to tell me, “Every angry customer just needs an ear and an answer.”