The Upsides of Stress

Introduction: Stress – The Surprising Key to a Joyful Life

Stress is often cast as the villain in the pursuit of happiness. We associate it with pressure, anxiety, and discomfort, and many of us spend a great deal of time trying to avoid it altogether. But what if stress wasn't the enemy? What if, instead of something to eliminate, stress was a powerful force that could actually help us grow, deepen our relationships, and live more fully?

Most of the stress we face today is not life-threatening. Unlike our prehistoric ancestors, who had to be on constant alert for predators, or even those in the Middle Ages, who lived under the ever-present threat of war, famine, and disease, the stresses of modern life are rarely a matter of survival. Today, our stress often comes from juggling responsibilities, deadlines, and social pressures. Yet, despite these stresses being less urgent, they can still feel overwhelming and deeply impact our sense of well-being and reduce our potential at work and at home.

The good news is that stress, when viewed through the right lens, can be a catalyst for personal growth, resilience, and even joy. Research now shows that how we perceive and manage stress can fundamentally alter its impact on our lives. Far from being something to fear or avoid, stress can actually be harnessed as a powerful tool to build a more meaningful and joyful existence.

In this article, we’ll explore the science of stress, how to reframe it as a positive force, and practical strategies for embracing stress as a vital builder of a lived and joyful life. By shifting our mindset, we can unlock the hidden benefits of stress and transform it into a stepping stone toward greater happiness and fulfillment.

The Science of Stress

Stress often gets a bad rap, but not all stress is created equal. The body’s stress response is a natural and essential part of how humans have survived and thrived for millennia. Stress activates the body’s fight-or-flight response, preparing us to react quickly to potential threats. While this was crucial in prehistoric times, when dangers like wild animals were ever-present, today’s stressors are much different. Yet, our bodies still respond to modern challenges—such as work deadlines or social pressures—as though we are facing a life-threatening situation.

Interestingly, the science of stress shows that it’s not the stress itself that harms us, but how we perceive and react to it. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal, author of The Upside of Stress, explains that stress can either be debilitating or enhancing, depending on our mindset. When we see stress as harmful, it can negatively affect our health, increase anxiety, and reduce our ability to cope. However, when we view stress as a natural, helpful response—one that boosts focus, increases motivation, and pushes us to grow—it becomes a tool for personal development.

Take, for instance, a non-Japanese speaking tourist travelling for the first time to Tokyo, the world’s largest city with over 40 million people. It’s easy to imagine how the size, crowds, and language barriers could make the experience intimidating or overwhelming. Yet, when I visited Tokyo recently, I found it exhilarating. Instead of feeling stressed by the unfamiliarity, I embraced it as a challenge—a way to immerse myself in the experience and adapt to new surroundings. The excitement of navigating the city became a positive form of stress that enhanced my experience.

This “stress-is-enhancing” mindset opens the door to resilience and a more joyful life. It allows us to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles. Instead of being paralysed by anxiety, we can use stress to fuel creativity, solve problems, and build the kind of resilience that leads to lasting happiness.

Research backs this up. A study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that participants who experienced high levels of stress but believed it was not harmful had the lowest risk of premature death. Those who viewed stress as harmful, however, had a higher risk of poor health outcomes - even when their stress levels were lower. This shows that changing how we think about stress can radically alter its impact on our lives.

Reframe and Shift Your Mindset

The key to harnessing the positive power of stress lies in how we choose to view it. Reframing stress from a threat to an opportunity is one of the most impactful shifts we can make in our lives. It’s not about eliminating stress altogether - an impossible and counterproductive goal - but about understanding it as a natural response that can propel us forward, rather than something that drags us down.

At the heart of our stress response is the amygdala, a small but powerful part of the brain responsible for detecting threats and triggering the fight-or-flight reaction. In prehistoric times, this served us well, keeping us alert to life-threatening dangers like predators. However, in modern life, our amygdala sometimes gets fooled by perceived threats. Everyday stressors like work deadlines, social pressures, or unfamiliar environments can trigger the same alarm response, even though they pose no real physical danger.

Understanding this can help us begin to reframe how we respond to stress. Instead of seeing stress as something to fear, we can recognise that it often signals something important. Whether it’s a looming deadline, a personal goal, or a difficult conversation, the presence of stress usually means the outcome matters to us. By shifting our mindset to see stress as an indicator of significance, we can start to view it as a force that helps us focus, rise to the occasion, and ultimately grow.

Another powerful way to reframe stress is to treat it as a learning experience. Each time we face stress, we have an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. It could be a chance to strengthen problem-solving skills or develop emotional resilience. By viewing stress as a challenge to grow from, we take the pressure off needing everything to go perfectly and instead focus on the lessons we can take away from the experience.

Take the example of a non-Japanese speaking tourist navigating Tokyo for the first time. Imagine standing in a busy train station, (Tokyo's Shinjuku station has around 4 million travellers a day), surrounded by signs in unfamiliar characters and announcements that make little sense. It’s easy for the amygdala to kick in, perceiving this confusion as a threat and triggering anxiety. But by reframing the situation, the tourist can view it as an exciting challenge - an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow. In doing so, the stress transforms from something overwhelming to something exhilarating.

Research shows that this shift in mindset, known as the “stress-is-enhancing” mindset, can have profound effects on both mental and physical well-being. It can improve performance under pressure, reduce anxiety, and even strengthen relationships. By recognising that our brain’s alarm system is often overactive and seeing stress as a helpful tool, we can face challenges more effectively and lead a more joyful, resilient life.

The Benefits of Embracing Stress

When we reframe stress and embrace it as a natural part of life, we unlock its hidden potential to enhance our well-being. Rather than viewing stress as something to be avoided, seeing it as a catalyst for growth can bring numerous benefits, both mentally and physically. Stress, when managed positively, can become a tool for building resilience, deepening relationships, and fostering personal development.

One of the most significant benefits of embracing stress is the development of resilience. Each time we confront and navigate a stressful situation, we strengthen our ability to handle future challenges. Think of it as emotional weightlifting - the more we practise carrying the load, the stronger we become. According to psychologist Kelly McGonigal, author of The Upside of Stress, “Stress isn’t always harmful. In fact, it can be a powerful resource for growth and learning.” She highlights that people who view stress as a tool for resilience are more likely to thrive when faced with adversity.

Stress also fosters personal growth. Some of life’s most profound growth experiences occur during times of stress. When we are pushed out of our comfort zones - whether in our careers, relationships, or personal goals - we often discover strengths we didn’t know we had. “In times of stress, the human brain is hardwired to adapt and innovate,” writes neuroscientist and author Rick Hanson in Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness. By embracing stress, we tap into our innate creativity and problem-solving skills. Moments of stress force us to adapt, learn, and think in new ways, leading to breakthroughs and personal transformation.

For example, students often experience high levels of stress during exam periods. While the stress can feel overwhelming, it also pushes them to study harder, refine their time management skills, and achieve goals they might not have thought possible. The stress of the challenge, when embraced, becomes the very thing that drives them to succeed. As McGonigal notes, “When we view stress as helpful, we see it as energy we can harness rather than something that drains us.”

Stress also plays a key role in strengthening relationships. When shared constructively, stressful experiences can bring people closer together. Facing challenges together builds empathy, trust, and mutual understanding. According to Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection, vulnerability and stress often go hand-in-hand: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. It’s about taking risks in relationships, and it’s the path to true connection.” In this way, navigating stress with others can create deeper bonds.

Stress can also enhance performance. When reframed as a motivator, stress can fuel peak performance in high-pressure situations. Athletes, performers, and professionals often use stress as a tool to focus, increase their energy, and achieve their best results. In The Obstacle Is the Way, author Ryan Holiday draws on stoic philosophy to explain that obstacles - often accompanied by stress - are not deterrents, but opportunities: “The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.” By seeing stress as an essential element of growth and achievement, we can transform it into a force that propels us forward.

Ultimately, embracing stress allows us to lead a more fulfilled and meaningful life. By accepting stress as an integral part of the human experience, we stop fearing it and start using it as a tool for growth, connection, and achievement. “Our capacity to tolerate discomfort determines our ability to grow,” says Mo Gawdat, author of Solve for Happy. Rather than letting stress hinder us, we can transform it into a driving force that helps us live more fully and joyfully.

Ten Tactics for Embracing and Managing Stress

Effectively managing stress involves more than just trying to relax - it's about developing a set of tools and strategies that help you use stress as a positive force in your life. Below are ten evidence-based tactics that can help you embrace stress and turn it into a driver for growth and well-being.

1. Mindful Stress Management

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing stress in the present moment. By paying close attention to your thoughts, emotions, and surroundings without judgment, you can stop stress from spiralling out of control. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), notes, “Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” Practicing mindfulness allows you to respond to stress with clarity and calmness.

• Try it: Focus on your breath for one minute, noticing the sensation of air entering and leaving your body. This simple practice can help you stay grounded in the moment when stress arises.

2. Reframe Your Self-Talk

The way we talk to ourselves can influence how we experience stress. Negative self-talk often magnifies stress, while positive or constructive self-talk can reduce its impact. According to Carol Dweck, “The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.” Shifting from defeatist thoughts to empowering ones helps you manage stress more effectively.

• Try it: Replace thoughts like “I can’t handle this” with “I’ve dealt with challenges before, and I can do it again.” This small shift can make a huge difference. After a while, it becomes automatic.

3. Use Stress as a Motivator

Stress can become a motivating force if you shift your mindset to see it as energy you can harness. Kelly McGonigal, in The Upside of Stress, argues, “Stress motivates you to succeed. When you harness your stress response, you’re actually more likely to achieve your goals.”

• Try it: Break tasks into smaller, more manageable goals and use deadlines as motivators rather than stressors. Each small win reduces stress and builds momentum.

4. Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise is a well-known stress reliever, helping to release endorphins that boost your mood and reduce tension. Harvard Medical School notes, “Regular aerobic exercise will bring remarkable changes to your body, your metabolism, your heart, and your spirits.”

• Try it: Take a short walk (half hour to one hour) when you feel overwhelmed. Moving your body helps clear your mind and reset your stress levels.

5. Focus on What You Can Control

In stressful situations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by factors outside your control. By focusing on what you can control, you can regain a sense of agency and reduce feelings of helplessness. Stephen Covey, in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, suggests focusing on your "Circle of Influence"—the things you can affect.

• Try it: Make a list of what’s causing your stress and divide it into two categories: what you can control and what you can’t. Take action on what’s within your control and practice letting go of the rest.

6. Work with a Mentor or Buddy

Facing stress alone can feel overwhelming. A mentor, friend, or colleague can provide guidance, support, and a fresh perspective. Brené Brown, in The Gifts of Imperfection, highlights the importance of vulnerability and connection, reminding us that “we’re not in this alone.”

• Try it: Find a mentor who can help guide you through stressful situations or work with a buddy to tackle challenges together. Sharing the load makes stress more manageable.

7. Embrace Uncertainty to Build Creativity and Problem-Solving Skills

A significant amount of stress comes from facing uncertainty and ambiguity. However, instead of letting the unknown paralyse you, you can use it as an opportunity to strengthen your creativity and problem-solving skills. Learning to navigate uncertain situations is essential for developing resilience and confidence. By viewing ambiguity as a challenge that sparks innovation, you can train your mind to think flexibly and approach problems with a sense of possibility rather than fear.

Creativity often flourishes in the face of uncertainty, and problem-solving is one of the most powerful ways to build both confidence and resilience. Albert Einstein once said, “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity,” and it’s this mindset that can help transform stress into a catalyst for growth. By focusing on problem-solving, you learn to break down challenges, explore new ideas, and discover solutions - all of which contribute to a more resilient mindset.

• Try it: When faced with uncertainty, practise breaking down the challenge into smaller, more manageable parts. Approach each step with a creative mindset, and ask yourself, “What new solutions can I explore here?” The more you develop your problem-solving skills, the more confident and resilient you become in handling life's unpredictability.

8. Celebrate Small Wins

Celebrating progress, even in small ways, can reduce the sense of overwhelm that stress brings. Research by Teresa Amabile on motivation shows that recognising small wins boosts emotional well-being and helps maintain momentum.

• Try it: At the end of each day, write down one thing you accomplished, no matter how minor. This shift in focus from stress to achievement will help you feel more positive and less stressed.

9. Cultivate Gratitude During Stressful Times

Practicing gratitude can shift your focus away from stress and onto what’s going well in your life. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, notes that gratitude “generates a ripple effect that improves our relationships, health, and overall happiness.”

• Try it: Write down three things you’re grateful for each day, especially when you’re feeling stressed. This can help you maintain perspective and reduce the intensity of stress.

10. Tackle Greater Challenges to Build Self-Efficacy

Taking on gradually larger challenges helps you build self-efficacy—the belief in your ability to succeed. Albert Bandura’s research shows that developing self-efficacy strengthens your resilience to stress by reinforcing your confidence in handling adversity.

• Try it: Start with smaller, manageable tasks and gradually increase the difficulty. Each success builds confidence, making it easier to manage stress when bigger challenges arise.

Conclusion: Embracing Uncertainty to Build Confidence, Resilience, and Creativity

A lot of the stress we experience in life stems from uncertainty. Whether it’s the unknown outcomes of a career move, a personal challenge, or even day-to-day decisions, navigating ambiguity is one of life’s most common stressors. However, learning to deal with uncertainty is not just about managing stress - it’s about fostering creativity and developing problem-solving skills that lead to greater confidence and resilience.

Creativity thrives in uncertain situations. When faced with ambiguity, we’re pushed to think in new ways, innovate, and find solutions. Building problem-solving skills in the face of uncertainty helps strengthen our ability to approach challenges with confidence and a positive mindset. It’s through this process that we develop the resilience to handle life’s unpredictability and the spark to continue pushing forward, even when outcomes are unclear.

By incorporating life-changing habits that actively build both physical and mental techniques - such as mindfulness, creative expression, and regular physical activity - you not only reduce the immediate effects of stress but also sharpen your problem-solving abilities. These habits help you develop the mental agility needed to embrace uncertainty as a pathway to growth, rather than something to fear.

As you move forward, focus on adopting habits that teach you to handle stress proactively. Each small step helps build confidence, resilience, and the creativity necessary to thrive in the face of ambiguity. By approaching stress as an opportunity to develop new skills and gain insight, you transform uncertainty into a powerful catalyst for personal growth, empowering you to live a more fulfilling and joyful life.

All the best in your endeavours!

Frank Choy, Sydney

13 October 2024

Recommended readings:

1. "The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It" by Kelly McGonigal

McGonigal reframes stress as a positive force that, when embraced, can help us grow stronger and more resilient. She offers research-backed insights on how to turn stress into an opportunity.

2. "Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness" by Rick Hanson

Hanson explores how to build resilience and emotional strength in the face of life’s challenges. Hanson combines neuroscience with practical techniques to foster calm and confidence.

3. "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck

Dweck’s book on the power of a growth mindset is essential for those looking to build resilience, confidence, and creativity. She discusses how embracing challenges (and stress) leads to personal growth.

4. "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl

A powerful account of how finding meaning in life’s most difficult moments can help us overcome stress and adversity. Frankl’s insights into resilience and purpose are timeless.

5. "The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph" by Ryan Holiday

Holiday’s book draws on Stoic philosophy to show how obstacles (and stress) can be transformed into opportunities for growth. This is a guide to embracing challenges and uncertainty as pathways to success.

6. "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

Duckworth examines the role of grit—persistence and resilience - in overcoming obstacles and achieving long-term goals. This book focuses on building mental toughness and endurance in the face of stress.

7. "Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones" by James Clear

While this book is focused on habit formation, it offers insights into how small, incremental changes can build confidence and resilience. Clear’s strategies are excellent for managing stress by breaking challenges into manageable steps.

8. "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown

Brown explores how embracing vulnerability and imperfection can lead to greater emotional resilience. She emphasises the importance of self-compassion and authenticity when facing stress and uncertainty.

9. "Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World" by Adam Grant

This book explores how creativity and problem-solving skills are key to navigating uncertainty and stress. Grant provides strategies for thinking differently and approaching challenges with an innovative mindset.

10. "The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life" by Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander

This inspiring book offers practical tools for transforming the way we think about problems and uncertainty. It encourages readers to view challenges with a sense of possibility, creativity, and optimism.