The Urgency of Reconciliation

David W Palmer

Today, we again sit at the Master’s feet as he teaches his class of apprentices. When directed at us, some of his lessons are tough; but as a perfect trainer, his objective is to keep us alive, fruitful, and out of hell:

(Matthew 5:25–26 DKJV) “Come into agreement with your accuser quickly while you are on the way with him to court, so that the accuser doesn’t deliver you to the judge, and the judge deliver you to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. {26} Truly I say to you, you will certainly not get out of there until you have paid the last cent.”

The reconciliation that Jesus is describing is far more than a handshake, a grunted, “No problems,” or a resumption of normal relations; he says to “come into agreement” with the person who has something with which to [genuinely] accuse you.

First, we must realize just how devastating, wronged or broken relationships are to God—especially when that is between you and his representative: for example, a parent, leader, governor, boss, or a person carrying his anointing. What’s more, if it’s a broken or offended relationship between you and God, this is of the highest and most pressing urgency. This is why Jesus uses the word, “quickly”: “Come into agreement with your accuser quickly …”

Coming into agreement with the accuser usually requires one of the parties to say to the other, “You are right; I was wrong.” Then they are agreed on the issue. This of course should be accompanied by a full and frank confession of the wrong: for example, “Yes, I did steal your money,” or “Yes, I did say that,” or “Yes, it was me who damaged your property.” Only after you confess your fault honestly, humbly, and repentantly can you ask for forgiveness, make restitution where possible, and/or pray for healing and restoration:

(James 5:16 DKJV) “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

Being very accurate, honest, humble, and repentant in this confession is the only way—I repeat, the only way—to be free of guilt. Guilt cannot be resolved by justifying your actions. Justifying sounds like this: “Yes, I did it, but I had a very good reason …” These types of responses do not absolve us of guilt, reconcile disagreements, or bring healing.

Guilt cannot be resolved by counter accusations either, which sound like this: “Yes, I did it; but look at what you did …” Nor can guilt be absolved by compensating for the wrong with other good works. After dealing with the guilt in the way Jesus says, you may have to make restitution—pay back the money, build the person’s reputation, fix what you broke, or repair other consequential damage—say, to other peoples’ relationships. But no amount of random good works can ever remove the guilt of the original problem. The only way to resolve guilt and to be free of it is by full and frank confession of the wrong and by asking for forgiveness—primarily from God. For example, when praying about wronging a third persons, David said to God:

(Psalm 51:4 NKJV) Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight—That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.

Earlier, Jesus said “first” be reconciled to your accuser. If the other person has wronged you—even if they are 99% in the wrong—you cannot resolve it, unless you first confess to them your 1% of the problem humbly, honestly, contritely, and without excuse. (Note: Jesus says that you and I have to make the first move; never wait for the other person to go first.) Then, when that is completely resolved, and the other person has softened through their forgiveness of you, you allow them opportunity to deal with their 99% wrong. If they don’t initiate this, then you follow Jesus’s prescription for reconciling with those who have sinned against you:

(Matthew 18:15–17 NKJV) “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. {16} But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ {17} And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”

We must absolutely view these as very accurate and specific instructions. No self-initiated deviation from what Jesus said here will work.

Now we look at Jesus teaching the same lesson on another occasion, with a different perspective:

(Matthew 18:34–35 NKJV) “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. {35} So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

We see here why Jesus is so adamant about the urgency of reconciliation, and of coming into agreement. When it’s our turn to forgive, we must act mercifully, humbly, and speedily. After all, we can never get away from the law of sowing and reaping; how we treat others becomes the way we will be treated. And remember, God has far more authority than any human judge—his judgments are final and everlasting. What’s more, his prison is permanent, and the eternal “torturers” are merciless; and it will be too late to ever repay “the very last penny”:

(Luke 12:57–59 NLT) “Why can’t you decide for yourselves what is right? {58} When you are on the way to court with your accuser, try to settle the matter before you get there. Otherwise, your accuser may drag you before the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, who will throw you into prison. {59} And if that happens, you won’t be free again until you have paid the very last penny.”

Let’s deal with broken relationships today! Yes, today! “Come into agreement with your accuser quickly” means, do it now: make that call, schedule that visit, write that email … do whatever you can to initiate the kind of dialogue that can bring you to agreement. And even if the other person has a mountain of wrongs they have done against you, deal with yours first—even if it’s minuscule in comparison. What was that you said Jesus? That’s right …

(Matthew 7:3–5 NLT) “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? {4} How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? {5} Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”