Watch out! The Sweetheart Scam Targets The Recently Widowed

If it didn’t happen so often, there would be no need to warn your single, widowed family members and clients about it. But every day, someone gets taken in by a “special someone” who appears to have only the elder's interests at heart. The special someone is a scam artist who knows just how to get an unsuspecting lonely person into the web of deception. And then they finagle money out of your elder and run.

Some of these scammers are skillful repeat offenders. Some just see an opportunity and proceed to milk it for all it’s worth.

A true story

Take the case of Tommy, whose wife was ill with cancer. He used to take his clothes to the local dry cleaner every week and he got friendly with the woman who ran the business. She loved to chat and gossip. He was lonely with his caregiving, cooped up with the daily chores he had to do for his ailing wife. Norma, the dry cleaner heard all about it.

Just after his wife passed, Tommy got a visit from Norma. She was so consoling and comforting. He felt like he had a real friend. She had heard about his wife’s illness for over a year and was ever so sympathetic. She also knew he had money. Within a month she had moved in with Tommy.

Over the next six months of giving Tommy her undivided attention, she managed to persuade him to give her “loans” of over $300K. She promised to stay with him forever. He loved the flattery and feeling special. No sooner had Norma gotten the last of what she could easily take, she promptly sold the dry cleaning business and disappeared. This is not such an unusual story.

Here’s what every family member and professional needs to know about the Sweetheart Scam. Knowing predators comb the obituaries for stories about the beloved widow or widower left behind. They look for those who have been with a deceased who was a business leader, a banker, a financially successful person. They choose the ones who may be likely targets, the survivors who have assets. They scope out how to meet them and seize the opportunity to take advantage of loneliness.  They will stop at nothing to get in the door. And sooner or later they always need “a temporary loan” or a little help to get out of an unfortunate jam. If it works, they up the ante. This can go on until they have bankrupted a widow or widower. It will at least drain available cash if no one is watching.

That’s where you come in, a person with the ability to notice when unusual withdrawals are disappearing from your loved one's or client's account. Once the scammer has gotten control over the elder’s emotions, it may be too late to stop the scam. Your elder is “in love” or at least addicted to the showered-on attention. She won’t believe your warnings then. Her emotions overrule logic. The heads-up must come early, before an opportunist has a chance to cast a spell or suck the elder into believing the scammer.

Here’s the takeaway: any recently widowed person is a potential target. Do these things to keep them safe from scammers:

1. Gently raise the subject of being careful of any stranger the widower meets soon after the loss of a spouse. Be kind and acknowledge the grief. Ask if the elder would let you know about any new "friend" who shows up in their life.
2. If your elder claims he’s met a “special someone”, do some digging. Google the person he names. Ask a few probing questions. See what your loved one may not be able to see. Share the data you glean with the aging person.
3. Be protective of aging loved ones, clients or friends who may be vulnerable to scammers. Any recently widowed person is first dealing with grief and loss. Their emotions create vulnerability. "Circle the wagons" around them by letting family, friends and professionals in their lives know about their loneliness. Tell them what is up, the minute you hear of anything suspicious.
4. If fraud has already happened, you can report it to the Federal Trade Commission. https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/#/ .It could help stop the scammers who are repeat criminals.

If all who are involved in the life of a person who has recently lost a spouse or partner are closely attending to them, we can keep them from financial disaster.

Financial elder abuse takes many forms besides the Sweetheart Scam. It is called “the crime of the century”, it is so prevalent. When you need guidance about this from professionals, you can get strategy right away at AgingParents.com. Reach out to us at 866-962-4464 for an introductory call. Your can get a consultation appointment online too!