We know the usual talk about why listening is so valuable

Here are 8 other reasons why you should look at your listening skills as a great tool for better living and working

A few days ago I read in the news this quote by the Swiss journalist and publicist Frank A. Meyer in a conversation with a media outlet talking about world affairs: 

“I am interested in what I do not think myself”.

He recommends us to dare more curiosity, curiosity also about the opinion of the other.

Dare to be curious. This involves listening to others. 

Listening is a virtue. We know it, we heard it, we read about it everywhere. 

Through listening, we learn. That includes listening to others but also to yourself, your gut, inner voice, or instinct. 

Yet, we find it difficult to listen.

Active listening is a difficult skill to master. Most people are terrible at listening. They skip this step and start talking. 

Frank A. Meyer’s thinking goes along with what the Dalai Lama told us already a long time ago: 

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” – The Dalai Lama 

Do you dare to be curious and listen?

We know this about listening as a leadership skill

Listening to your employees helps to generate new ideas, to foster engagement and initiative. 

Bob Chapman of Barry Wehmiller sees listening as a critical leadership quality for better operations in organizations.

"True, empathetic listening, where you actually hear the other person's words and feelings, is the kind of listening that builds empathy. And that, in turn, allows us to see things from the perspective of others. That's the key to all meaningful relationships because it shows that you respect and care about the person you're listening to."   

When colleagues or bosses listen to their people, they become more relaxed, more aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and more open to reflecting and acting in an I-must-not-defend-myself attitude. 

We got that. We want to be empathetic.

Now, here are 8 other reasons why you should look at your listening skills as a great tool for better living and working.

1. Speech is silver, silence is golden

It’s not only us today in this overstimulated world with too much information and too little time that we lost the art of listening. 

Already our ancestors have dealt with this issue.

The old proverb Speech is silver, silence is golden expresses the value of silence over speech. Its modern form most likely originated in Arabic culture, where it was used as early as the 9th century. 

It has even been described as "perhaps the best known of the proverbs concerned with silence" (David Wasserstein A West-East puzzle).

The virtue of speaking well, correctly, and effectively also includes the ability to stay silent.

Gary Vaynerchuk repeatedly advises his listeners that before anyone produces content or products in the social media or business world, they should first listen to what customers, fans, or employees have to say. 

Only then talk or create something. 

 "You'll learn a lot more if you listen before you talk." Says Gary Vaynerchuk (Gary “Vee”), founder of VaynerX, VaynerMedia, speaker, New York Times bestselling author, and angel investor.

2. Yes, listening is work. It can be exhausting

Active listening means taking time. It takes time and energy. You have to be willing to do that. Not everyone is. 

Why is listening exhausting? Listening involves both giving the other person your full attention and allowing the other person the space to really express themselves.

Focusing your attention on the other person also means training yourself to suppress the impulse to interrupt the other person with your own suggestions, questions, or contributions. You really have to work on yourself to achieve this.

As we know, any struggle we overcome rewards us with greater insights and progress.

3. An epidemic of fake listening - you can do better

"We're experiencing an epidemic of fake listening," explains Nick Morgan, speech coach and author of Power Cues. “Colleagues and bosses nod and smile politely as if they're listening, but they're not at all.”

Our brain has difficulties staying focused. If it is deep reading, really listening (full or deep), or concentrating on one task for a longer period of time.

There are different types of listening skills. We theoretically understand that listening is important and valuable. 

But it is not easy, either because we are actually not interested in what the other person has to say and just want to bring across our own points. (superficial egoistic listener).

Another reason is that we are distracted by our own thoughts, our surroundings, or the rings and pings of our closest companion, the smartphone (partial listener).

Which makes us a society of superficial communicators. 

It is our choice if we give in to that or become aware of the value of true listening.

4. The best negotiators are skilled listeners

To get what you want in a negotiation, listen to what your counterpart is saying — don’t interrupt, disagree or evaluate, just listen first.

If you want to get into the head of your conversation or negotiation partner, you want the other person to talk, to let it all out what’s on his/her mind. Thus, you actively listen. 

Because your talk gives the other side just the space and time to prepare their answers and counterattack in their head. If you listen and let them talk, their talking keeps them busy and not with the opportunity trying to formulate counterarguments.

Chris Voss, former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI writes in his book Never Split the Difference:

“If while you’re making your argument, the only time the other side is silent is because they’re thinking about their own argument, they’ve got a voice in their head that’s talking to them. They’re not listening to you. When they’re making their argument to you, you’re thinking about your argument, that’s the voice in your head that’s talking to you.”

5. Change without shouting but listening

Sue Heatherington writes in her book The Quiet Disruptors:

“Because only people make the change. And change emerges with those who have the courage to be different: who think before they speak; who ask questions we’d sometimes rather not face; who get their energy from calm reflection, beautiful ideas, and taking the long view; (…)”

Listening is part of the toolkit of the quiet ones, the introverts, the non-shouters. Often, they have a broader perception, they appear to see and hear more, and make extraordinary connections, describes Sue Heatherington. 

Because they listen. 

Listening also means listening to your own thoughts. You reflect on what you hear, see, perceive, notice and try to connect the dots and gain a broader perspective. 

A lot of successful business leaders are introverts, rather quiet, and they think, reflect, and listen a lot.

6. You don’t need to listen to everything

Former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (the notorious RBG) was an esteemed role model for many, admired for her life wisdom, which she shared in many books. 

One of her most popular pieces of advice: It can be quite helpful in life and work to sometimes turn a bit deaf. 

She followed this attitude in marriage and at court. "If a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, it's best not to pay attention to it. Getting upset or annoyed by it will not help your persuasive powers."  

If someone says something you don't like, is inappropriate or unnecessary, we don't need to keep listening either, because the better option is to not respond to it and get on with your own affairs.

7. The good stuff about not listening

"Talking to yourself has the advantage that you can always get to speak." – Oliver Goldsmith, Irish author.

Perhaps we are afraid of getting infected with foreign ideas when we start listening?

If we don’t listen, we don’t need to consider other opinions, possibilities, or points of view. Because that could lead to change. And change is often painful.  

We talk, but our minds are boarded up. That way we can avoid the pain of change.

8. Sometimes it pays to listen to children

In most conversations, there are only mouths, no ears. Everyone transmits, no one receives.  

Let's listen to what children, our future generation, have to say about this: 

"People don't use their ears, they just use their mouths. Sometimes you just have to listen." 

"People should care more and care about others, even if they don't know them."

That's how children describe it in the video where children were asked about the future.

Paying better attention to others, as in listening and caring, is an important concern for the future of those kids.

Sometimes it pays to listen to children.

TAKEAWAY

We might need to rediscover the great cultural technique we once called listening. 

Listen generously.

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The Simplicity of Life. Stress Less.

Claudia writes on Self Improvement, Lifestyle, Simplicity, Creativity, Inspiration, Attention, and Mindset.

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