Are we really empathetic, or are we just sympathetic? 🤔

In May, my husband and I heard the dreaded C word...Cancer.

Something you hope to never hear, especially at the age of 35. He's ok, but the past few months have made me pause and really feel the people around me who were compassionate, empathetic or just sympathetic to the situation.

It's a common notion that people show their authenticity towards you in times like these, but it also made me really think about how this is reflected in the workplace. We all talk about empathy being important with our colleagues, especially if you're involved in change management, but are we truly empathetic or just sympathetic?

So let's dive into the difference...

I view it in 3 ways. We are either sympathetic, empathetic or compassionate. They all relate to understanding and responding to others' feelings, but they differ in depth and response that's involved.

1️⃣ Sympathy is feeling for someone. It means recognizing someone’s pain and feeling sorry for them, even though you don’t necessarily share or feel their emotions. Sympathy often involves a sense of distance; you understand they’re suffering, but you don’t feel it with them.

Example: A coworker shares they’ve been stressed due to a family issue, and you respond, “I’m sorry you’re going through that.”

2️⃣ Empathy is feeling with someone. Empathy involves a deeper level of connection than sympathy, as you mentally put yourself in the other person’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling. It requires imagining or sharing their emotions, which fosters a stronger sense of connection and understanding.

Example: A teammate struggles with a project, and you recall similar challenges you’ve faced, allowing you to say, “I totally get how frustrating that can feel. Let me know if you’d like to talk it out.”

3️⃣ Compassion goes beyond sympathy and empathy by adding a strong desire to help. Compassion includes understanding someone’s suffering (like sympathy) and feeling emotionally moved by it (like empathy), but it’s distinct in that it leads to action or a desire to improve the situation for the person in pain.

Example: A colleague is overwhelmed by their workload. Feeling their stress, you offer to assist them with their tasks or discuss reassigning some work.While each response has it's place, compassion tends to have the most impact because it moves from understanding to action. It's easy to do when we know and like someone, but what about when we have a difficult stakeholder or a frayed relationship?

There's many different approaches, but I believe first and foremost we need to remind ourselves that everyone is having a human experience. We are experiencing challenges all the time.

Whether you're impacted by the news every day, you're going through a divorce, a partner is sick, you're burnt out, etc. the list goes on. Practicing patience and actively understanding that everyone has different values and situations is a key first step.

I could write so much more on this, but as a starting point I'd love to hear any opinions or experiences with this? 🤔 💬

#empathy #compassion