We Want What We Can’t Have

We’re born with a pre-installed chip: we’re fascinated by the unattainable. When the neighbor gets a new car, we suddenly want a better one, or when someone posts pictures from a vacation in a tropical paradise, that’s precisely where we wish we could be. Oscar Wilde once said, 'When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.' A paradox always keeps us in this mix of longing and frustration.

Wanting what we don’t have has become almost routine. It’s not wrong to have goals, but we feel like we’re missing something every time we look around. Maybe the issue isn’t with everything we don’t have but how we see it. Ultimately, we’re stuck in an endless loop, believing that what we lack is always out there, somewhere beyond our reach.

The Stress of Feeling Stuck

Today’s world is constantly in competition, and more often than not, we get that sinking feeling that we’re not keeping up, that others are moving forward while we’re stuck in the same place. "Am I doing enough?" or, even worse, "Am I enough?" These questions haunt everyone at some point. In times when everything moves fast, the feeling of "being left behind" weighs heavier and heavier. Each day, I see more people worrying about what they haven’t learned rather than celebrating what they have achieved.

But do we need to live in such a rush? Einstein once said, "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." True, but perhaps he meant moving at our own pace, not someone else’s speed. Maybe moving forward also means stopping occasionally to look back and see where we’re coming from, not just where we’re heading.

The Habit of Surrendering to Stress

And here comes the big enemy: stress. We’ve turned it into a monster that appears whenever the pressure gets too high. We burn out, get fed up, and sometimes throw in the towel before taking the first step. We’ve become used to seeing stress as a constant threat when it could be a sign that we’re trying something new. This habit of surrendering to stress and letting it control us and dictate our actions makes it such a formidable enemy.

Sometimes, it’s just a matter of understanding the stress process and not letting our norepinephrine levels run out to the point that we need to replace them with cortisol, which is just not good.

Epictetus once said, "It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." If stress attacks, maybe it’s an excellent opportunity to understand that it’s also part of the process. After all, if it didn’t push us a little, how would we know what we’re capable of?

Expectations: The Trap We Always Fall Into

We’ve gotten used to living in anticipation, waiting for something to happen, change, or pull us out of this lethargy. We always want more; we think about the next thing when we get it. Lao Tzu said, "He who is contented is rich, even if he lacks much." Perhaps the greatest irony is that while we’re trapped in this race for “what’s next,” we fail to see what we already have.

Living with our eyes on the future makes us forget that the present matters, too. It’s like waiting in line; if you spend the whole wait complaining about how slow it is, you’re unlikely to enjoy anything happening around you. The key is to shift our focus to the present, fully engage with what's happening now, and find joy in the moment.

The Lesson of Acceptance

Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up; it’s about understanding that not everything is about climbing higher or getting further. Sometimes, stopping to breathe, looking around, and saying, “This is okay,” can bring a profound sense of relief. Buddhism is clear: peace isn’t found in what we lack but in who we are. Buddha said, "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."

Let me tell you: if you meditate for at least 10 minutes every day, your life will change for the better. If you don’t have 10 minutes daily to meditate, you probably need to meditate for at least 20 minutes.

Not Giving Up So Easily

Life is about learning to live with stress without letting it beat us. In the end, this exhaustion, this constant search, is a way of seeing who we are and where we want to go. The challenge isn’t making stress disappear but learning to walk alongside it without letting it take control—correcting how it affects us and using it as a tool instead of letting it become an enemy. This means practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and developing resilience. It's about not giving up so quickly but finding ways to manage and even thrive in the face of stress.

So, the next time you feel like you’re missing something, you’re not enough, or stress is winning, maybe it’s time to see it from another angle. With a bit of irony, compassion, and a good mate, remember that life slips by while we’re busy with this “I want something more.” And who knows, maybe the real trick is to enjoy the back and forth.

Author: Fabian Mesaglio