What Matters Most Now? Reflect, Reframe, Recalibrate

It was February 2017, and I was lying on my couch with tears streaming down my face. I was sicker than I'd ever been - swollen lymph nodes, utterly exhausted, and I'd even lost my voice.

My husband was sending me pictures and videos of my niece Raleigh's 2nd birthday party, a party that I was too sick to attend. Seeing her sweet face with a bright orange Cheeto in one hand and a unicorn crown on her head, I thought to myself:

"How did I get here? How am I so sick that I'm missing out on moments that matter?"

Just a couple years earlier, in 2015, I had been named the #1 Health Promotion Professional in the United States and was honored at a national wellness conference in front of hundreds of my peers. A year later, I delivered my first keynote at that same conference. I was crushing it!

Until I wasn't.

By 2017, I was burned out and bottomed out, diagnosed with Epstein-Barr Virus, at 32 years old. I was drinking all the green smoothies, eating all the kale, and throwing back apple cider vinegar shots. I was a Thriving Workplace Culture Coach and an integrative nutrition health coach with a bachelor's degree in psychology and a graduate degree in Health Science, but I was anything but well.

That crisis became a catalyst for me to rethink how we approach wellbeing. We had been so focused on telling people what not to do - don't sit so much, don't eat that, don't smoke. All the shoulds and shouldn'ts. All the shaming and guilt-tripping. Meanwhile, people were "hacking the system" to get wellness incentives without actually improving their health (like putting pedometers on their dogs to get their step counts up. Yes, this actually happened.).

We were missing what truly mattered most.

Here's the truth - employees are struggling right now. They're disengaged, and they don't feel like their employer cares about their wellbeing. And recently, employee engagement hit an 11-year low.

That's why it's time for us to take a pause, to go inward, to reflect, reframe, and recalibrate. I've used this framework to talk about navigating change and disruption and leading more intentionally, but today I'm applying it to wellness.

1. Reflect

Imagine a ladder with rungs from 0 (worst life possible) to 10 (best possible life). The "Life Evaluation Index" from Gallup asks two simple questions: On which rung do you stand currently? And on which rung do you think you'll stand 5 years from now?

I asked a group of 100+ HR leaders this question recently and here's how their responses shook out:

Based on their responses to those questions, Gallup categorizes people into three groups:

1. Thriving: People with positive views of their present life and of the next five years (score of 7+)
2. Struggling: People who struggle in their present life and have an uncertain or negative view of the future (score of 5-6)
3. Suffering: People who report their life is miserable and have a negative view of the future (score of 0-4)

People who are thriving are 32% less likely to leave their job, more engaged, and more likely to recommend their company as a place to work.

What helps people thrive?

It starts with connecting them to a deep sense of meaning and mattering in their work. But a lot of people are struggling with that. Gallup found only a third of U.S. employees feel their company's mission makes their job important.

All of us need to feel like our existence and efforts are relevant. That's why helping people connect to their own sense of impact and relevance is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Doing that starts with being able to answer this question:

"Who am I helping, and why does it matter?"

You could ask your team members that question and invite them to think about what it is about the work they do that is meaningful, purposeful, or important. Invite them to share stories throughout the year. Reconnect to purpose.

2. Reframe

Beyond connecting to purpose, it's important that we shift perspective on what our role is as supporters of people and their wellbeing. We know that a holistic approach is important, one that includes five elements: financial, physical, community, social, and career wellbeing.

But there's one element of the five that, when employers focus on it, makes the biggest difference in wellbeing in the shortest amount of time. It might surprise you:

Career wellbeing

That's liking what you do each day, feeling equipped and supported to do your best work, using your strengths, having clear expectations, and having opportunities to grow, learn, and contribute. People who are thriving in career wellbeing are twice as likely to be thriving in all other areas of wellbeing.

Two simple but powerful questions we can ask team members to show support for their career wellbeing are:

1. How can I best support you right now?
2. What's the most important thing outside of work that helps you thrive?

Beyond that, Gallup says the most impactful leadership activity managers can implement to develop high-performance relationships is having one meaningful conversation per week with each team member. I wrote another article outlining a specific way you can do that (the Rose Reflection exercise) here and stay interview questions here.

Showing genuine interest in someone as a whole person makes them more likely to go above and beyond, stick around, and be engaged, and all of that impacts their overall wellbeing.

3. Recalibrate

Think about a great day you had at work, a day that left you feeling fulfilled and energized. What happened? Chances are, you felt included, seen, heard, valued, recognized, appreciated, supported, accomplished, connected, or celebrated in some way.

Earlier this year, I led a full-day leadership training about "Igniting Intentional Leadership" for a group of leaders in higher education. I taught them skills and gave them tools, but most importantly, I facilitated conversations that allowed them to connect with themselves and each other in meaningful ways.

At the end of the training, I asked everyone to write on a sticky note what they appreciated most about the day, and when I read this note, it made me tear up:

That's what people want more than anything else - to feel seen, heard, understood, affirmed, and validated. That's what contributes most to people's sense of wellbeing and engagement - feeling like they matter.

Recalibrating is about reconnecting to what matters most and answering this thought-provoking question I learned from my dad:

If it were just right, what would it look like?

If you were thriving, what would that look like? If you prioritized what mattered most, what would that look like?

If your workplace created an environment where people felt like they mattered, it if were "just right," what would it look like?

• Would you set aside the shiny pennies and focus more on the fundamentals?
• Would you be more focused on developing your character as much as your career path?
• Would managers coach people not just on job duties but on living their fullest lives?
• Would leaders celebrate small wins and personal milestones with the same enthusiasm as professional achievements?

When we connect people to lives of deeper worth and wholeness, they're more likely to invest in their own wellbeing, and they'll become more engaged. Taking care of ourselves is a natural byproduct when we feel cared for at our core and connected to an inherent sense of self-worth.

And in case no one else reminds you of this truth today, let me be the one to do it because I believe it:

You are Somebody.

You matter.

You are enough.

For more insights on how to reflect, reframe and recalibrate, check out my TEDx talk!

How Can I Help?

Over the last 15+ years, I’ve devoted myself to helping organizations, leaders and teams go from burned out and checked out to energized, motivated, and connected. I've done this through interactive keynotes, team building workshops, leadership trainings, and retreats onsite and virtually.

If you're interested in learning more about my services for your organization or association on the topic above or other topics, start here and we can find time to connect! You can also send me a DM on here, and I'll respond.

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