What can we learn from The Patchwork Girl?

Let me tell you about the Patchwork Girl.

Like all little girls, she was born perfect, but she didn't know that. As she grew, her parents would say, Be a good girl. Don't do that. This is what a good girl should do. Each of those ideas was sewn like patchwork pieces over who she really was.

She started school and her teacher said Stand here, Sit up straight, Don't scratch, Don't talk. You can't do that. And she allowed her teachers to sew more patchwork over her skin. Adding a new piece here. Another patch there. Friends told her how she should behave, what she should wear, how she should speak. And she let them sew more patchwork pieces over her heart.

As she grew older, not only did The Patchwork Girl let other people sew patchwork pieces onto her she started looking for pieces to sew onto herself because that must be what you do as a woman – become what people say you should be, act the way other people say you should act, think what other people say you should think. She became very adept at finding new pieces to stitch onto the patchwork. That was her life. A piece here, a patch there. All different shapes, sizes and colours.

She thought this must be what being beautiful looked like. The little girl had long ago forgotten who she really was, forgotten that she was beautiful, forgotten what she needed, forgotten that she was perfect in every way.

Until one day, she felt she could no longer take one more piece of patchwork being added to her life. The stitches were pulling terribly on her heart. Everything hurt. And so, she made the decision to start unpicking some of the patchwork pieces.

A patch here, a piece there - and this hurt but not as much as the weight she’d been carrying for so long. Some of those pieces of patch work were stitched with big stitches that went deep inside. Some of them were easy to remove – snip, snip, snip, and the piece fell away. It was the pieces that were closest to her heart that were the hardest to unstitch, the ones that had been sewn on the longest.

Finally, one day she was naked. She no longer had any pieces of the patchwork of other people's expectations, other people’s needs. She could see who she really was. She was naked, and she was beautiful. And she was perfect.

She is me. And she is us.

Whether we’re trans, cis-gender, gay, straight, non-binary, disabled, older, younger, however we show up in the world, so many women are like that Patchwork Girl. We’ve all had pieces of other people’s needs and expectations added to our lives – often to the extent that we can no longer see who we really are.

More than this, women have been fed two lies.

One, that all we can be is princesses, with no power, waiting to be awakened by a kiss or rescued from a tower.

Two, that we cannot use our power because when we do we turn into evil queens or wicked stepmothers, cruelly manipulating people to get our own way.

However, there is a third way, my personal strategy which I’ve codified for women who seek to rediscover and reconnect with their true power as they unstitch the patchwork pieces of other people's expectations and discover the unique, beautiful, powerful person they truly are.

When women understand the powerful truth that there is truly more to us than meets the eye then together we can create the worlds we have been dreaming of.

World’s where equity and equilibrium are the norm in the workplace.

Where however people show up in the world, we are valued for what we bring to table, not penalised – consciously or covertly – for perceived lack.

Where diversity of understanding and outlook are celebrated because leaders recognise that diversity builds innovation, productivity and cohesiveness.

As women cherish their needs, we ensure that our reserves of power are replenished so that we bring their best self to the table.

When women identify our values, we lay a strong foundation for authentic decision-making that allows businesses and organisations to clearly pursue their goals.

As women recognise the narratives that drive our lives, we are no longer blindsided by unconscious attitudes and outlooks that can hijack goals and shipwreck careers.

By developing the subtle art of self-reflection women tap into the depths of our characters, build understanding of how we operate and strengthen the compassion and empathy that is essential for healthy workplace culture.

As women rewrite the stories of our lives, leaving behind the narratives that no longer serve us and shape new stories we bring a powerful authenticity to all that we do.

And the men, the allies, who support women as we tap into our power discover that this growth of power in women does not diminish their own. They discover that there is no zero-sum game where for women to succeed others must fail. And understand that the slices of ‘pie’ are unlimited – in fact, the pie expands rather than diminishes.

And men discover that the strategy that works for women also works for them. That they too can cherish their needs without embarrassment, they can stand firm on the values they’ve identified, can understand and work with their own unconscious drivers, they can take time to reflect on their lives and write new life stories if the old ones no longer serve them.

Together, women and men can create the worlds we have been dreaming of.