What is College Really About?

An Uncle’s Advice to his Freshman Nephew.  Time Flies. Have Fun. And be Safe. 

The best four years of your life... the cliche rings in my head when I think of college. Is this statement true or does it set unreasonable expectations for the college experience? If it is true, why is college the best years of your life? Independence, freedom, experience thru experiment, new people in new places, friendships that will most likely mold you and last you your entire life. Failure leading to growth, leading to success, all wrapped up into 1,460 days. To a teenager this is a lifetime. To an adult, a blink of an eye.  

In my previous life, I was a loyal subscriber and reader of The Chronicle of Higher Education - The Wall Street Journal for academia. Well-written and thought-provoking articles by college presidents, tenured professors and deans of students. The Chronicle did an unscientific survey on what drives high school students to college, and to many a surprise, deciding where to go to college has nothing to do with financial-aid, degrees offered, specialty programs or party school rankings.  The answer was the three Fs. Family, friends and football…these were the largest driving forces impacting a student’s sizable life decision. 

My college decision was impacted by two out of three, football and family. I was first headed to Hope College to play football (I was an academic all-conference for the Manton Rangers, and not a bad cornerback), but in the end decided a small high school followed by a small college experience would not broaden my horizons. At the last second, I transferred to my parent’s alma mater, Michigan State University. A decision I will never regret. A decision I made driving back (by myself and hungover) from my football recruiting visit to Hope College. 

My 18-year-old nephew {Taggart Patterson} recently made a similar decision, passing on the opportunity to play college basketball at Sewanee to enjoy the “big” college experience of the SEC at UT-Knoxville, where his father went, and two cousins currently attend. And maybe football, but with UT’s current decline, it may just be the tailgates that are the highlight of his college football Saturdays. 

Until recently I had never connected how similar our decisions were, while me at 5’10 and 175 lbs. I am not sure where my college football days would have taken me in Holland, Michigan. Probably not past the practice field. While for Taggart as a 6’4 chiseled young man, who was recruited for his sharp-shooting three-point capabilities. I believed a year exploring that dream and goal, was a year not wasted. With a coach who was invested in him, would build on his strengths, not harp on his weaknesses, and help Taggart grow as an athlete and a person. This was not meant to be. For now, at least. 

This life transition for Taggart, an exciting new chapter and potentially the “best four years of his life” (for me it took five, for I was having too much fun and in love) had me reflect on what the college experience is really about - in an adult’s eyes. Far removed from campus life, a rite of passage possibly forever changed by technology and a pandemic. 

The first component of the college experience is independence. As simple as it seems, for most student’s college is the first time away from home (for an extended period), free and able to make their own decisions. And the decision making is possibly the largest factor related to the independence. What classes to take, what major to select…to go to class or not? Wake-up or hit snooze? We all have been there, let us not lie. Join a fraternity and the Greek system or remain independent? Live on campus or off? Remain on campus or study abroad? Do a summer internship or go to Nantucket with your friends? Visit the library or go to the bar? Or maybe both. And the list goes on.  In the corporate world we have decision trees that show us the impact of each decision and what unforeseen outcome each decision offers. For an 18-year-old freshman, it’s most likely impulse, gut instincts, with a dose of peer pressure. Parents (and his uncle) hope that internal voice they had been instilling and refining for eighteen years is loud and forceful, guiding him thru these decisions, which will lead to his success; for a class, a semester, a year. And in the end, four years. A college degree. A final GPA. A young man ready to take on the “real” world. A college graduate. 

The Grade Point Average. We have all learned in life that society has specific ways of “grading” us and defining success. It starts in kindergarten with Os’ for outstanding, S for satisfactory and N/I for needs improvement, on through elementary school, high school and right up through college. Many will challenge (scoff at it, turn up a middle finger) the validity of this scale and its true definition of success. I would not waste time on that, rather show up, do the work, ask questions, work hard and the results will speak for themselves. This my parents promised me. 

My sister was a little more committed and worked a little harder (okay, maybe a lot harder) to a doctorate. Me often taking the road less traveled, taking my 2.9 college GPA to a nearly ten-year stint at a not-for-profit and now a successful real estate career. To be honest, I am disappointed to this day of not achieving my goal of a 3.0 in college. I have plans of going back (or possibly remotely) and taking a class to get my GPA up. While I don’t believe your GPA is a pure indicator of success, it is the baseline society has set. Achieving an honorable GPA is not that complicated and does create more opportunities for later in life. 

Relationships are at the core of the college experience. Between your classmates, advisors, professors and alumni you now have a whole new family. A family that through the shared experience has a deep instilled pride for a place, an experience, a mascot and a team. How Taggart learns as a young man to build and foster these relationships will be a key part of his growth. Because I do believe in life, the working world and in business, relationships (and the human connection) matter, now more than ever. 

Will Taggart invest his time in the right people? Will he cultivate the relationships that matter? Or make investments in people that detract from his growth. Realizing soon enough the return on investment in that relationship is not a good one. These are the lessons we all learn and continue to refine. Looking back some twenty-five years to East Lansing, I do not second guess any of my relationships for one minute. For these classmates, friends and fraternity brothers have become my family. To this day, these individuals are active in my personal life and have had a sizable impact on my business success. 

In hindsight I do wish I made more of an effort with my professors. I do remember the names of a few, {George}Paulus, {Roger} Nickel, and {Gary}Hoppenstand. I did not invest in them, and nor did they invest in me. Possibly the downfall of going to a large state school with more than forty thousand students. You can get lost and become a number. That is the challenge here. And in life. I was just a number then to Michigan State University, but the MSU development office seems to know me now. You pay a lot of money for the college experience and the university does owe you more than a GPA and a paper degree. In my humble opinion. 

I would advise Taggart to use his time wisely. Because the 48-year-old me, knows time does fly and as my mom always says, “tempest fugit.” Time management is a vital skill-set and something that will last him his whole life through. My simple advice was get your work done first. Every day and every week. The free time remaining can be for fun. {The same philosophy for money and investing, pay yourself first.} You instill this simple principle into your day, good grades and success will follow. It is that simple. 

With the management of your time (hours, days, weeks and months), pursue diverse experiences thru the college lens. This can include intramurals, clubs, Greek life, road trips and internships. The more diverse the better. Open yourself up at a young age to these various influences whether it be language (learn a second or third language, be bi-lingual), food, places, philanthropy, charitable activities, culture and relationships. The world is your classroom, the campus is just a launching pad. The university an incubator. You will have a better appreciation for the larger world and more respect for the diversity of it. I promise. I worked my entire way through college and had some good internships, but one of my biggest regrets is not studying abroad. A Euro-rail trip after graduation would truly open my eyes to the world and how little I actually knew. The difference between "book" smarts and "street" smarts. The life lessons learned in six weeks in Europe were profound. The world is truly your classroom. 

Processing failure and your missteps. A key to growth and maturity. Being accountable. Showing remorse. Asking for forgiveness. And moving on. The guard rails to success are often instilled by your parents, what is an acceptable life lesson and what is banishment from the family, bringing unreputable shame to the family name. I spent nearly ten years at my college fraternity headquarters, visiting more than one hundred college campuses and working with hundreds of parents and alumni and thousands of students. I deemed my competitive advantage with the students was, they could learn and listen to a 25-year-old professional, who was offering a “non-parental” perspective, or the true adults who could judge, admonish and even punish. A youthful view that could offer perspective, wisdom and encouragement towards the “right” decisions. I hope I made an impact in some of these young men’s lives, and now my nephew's college experience.  

While parents often pray, they unfortunately don’t get to choose the life lessons. Life lessons choose their children. Isn’t that the unenviable task of a parent, knowing what they know now, and then knowing their innocent child is going to run the gauntlet of high school, college and life without a protective force field. And technology has only made things more challenging; easier, faster and larger, possibly for eternity. The image lives on and the pain of the life lesson lingers. How can we protect them? It may actually be about control…for if parents could control the child (and his or her environment), well then, the child and life would be perfect. But for many, the real truth and lessons for parents is about letting go of control. For this is college, independence and the process of learning, not from books or in the classroom, but experience. I think of the analogy of a small child learning to ride a bike (with training wheels) and when the child reaches the point that the training wheels are no longer needed, the parent braces the child on the bike, running next to the bike and never letting go. We have to let go. We have to let them fall. Experience the pain (physical and mental). Learn. Get back up and do it again. For this is growth. And this is life. And this is college. 

The perception of college being about fraternity parties, beer, drugs, sports as big business and academics is a tough one to overcome. The value proposition of college is also under attack. Is the return on the sizable financial investment really worth it? Whether it be through scholarships, work-study (like-me), student loans or the luxury of family covering tuition – the expense of college is large. Some students will leave campus with a diploma and no-debt, while others will spend a lifetime trying to pay off a mountain of debt. The challenge remains this – universities need to know the responsibilities they bare for educating America’s youth, constructing their ability to think critically and make decisions, with a rationale and logical thought process. For a degree, field of study or concentration is great, but the biggest reward will remain this ability to think critically and freely, understanding cause and effect of actions and behaviors, as well as knowing the company you keep, these people can and will define you. For this is worth more than any paper degree. This combined with an appreciation for the human relationship, the ability to cultivate, grow and appreciate these relationships… this, to me, is what college is really about.