What comes after the leap of faith

This morning while watching ‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse’ with my nearly five year old I saw myself taking a leap into the unknown. 

Well maybe not that leap. More like this leap.

Eight weeks ago I left a leadership role in Fintech to follow my passion and start my own business. I knew wholeheartedly that this was the right decision for me and this was the path that I needed to take. Yet there was a very loud voice saying, ‘What the fuck have you just done?’

15 years earlier I decided to move to New Zealand after an amazing night in Wellington. I had conviction and a plan. I had a job lined up, a scholarship to a post-grad accounting program. I was confident this was the right move… until I got to Wellington and realised I knew no one. 

This is a pattern of mine. Jumping into the unknown, and then freaking out when I'm there.

Yet every time I've taken the leap I end up much better for it. 

Read on to understand what came after leaping into the unknown of starting my own business and the lessons I'm learning along the way.

The struggle

In hindsight, moving to New Zealand was the best decision of my life. I’ve created a life filled with rich friendships, a loving husband and son and a crazy amazing career in technology that wouldn't have occurred if I hadn’t started my career in accounting.

But that first year was a hard year, and it feels like I’m back there again. 

Since leaving the security of employment I have been oscillating between excitement, inspiration, gratitude and a crushing fear of failure and feeling of unworthiness. I feel like a stock market graph, going up and down but generally an upward trend.

I see this as the space between my old identity and new identity where I have to choose to engage in a new way and overcome my fears, or actually, become friends with them. Acknowledging what they have to say and choosing to follow my vision anyways. 

Slowing down

When I removed the structure of traditional work I had time to look around and notice. Notice what was happening within myself and notice what was happening around me. One of the things I noticed was even though I was following what I love, it was easy to act from fear. 

I've got a mortgage. How am I going to pay it? I have feelings. What if someone hurts them by not liking what I do and saying so publicly?

As soon as I stop focusing on creating and start focusing on myself or others opinions I lose it. I feel like crap and my momentum comes to a standstill. 

And as soon as I pick myself up and focus on creating, things change. I get into flow and start to see things more clearly. 

Lesson 1: The work starts inside 

If I'm to create a business that supports other businesses to act from their vision for the future rather than their fears, I need to role model that within myself. 

This is a great example of the esoteric principle ‘as above, so below’, doing the work internally supports how I show up externally. 

Another application of ‘As above, so below’ is that things that work in one context, can work in another. 

This is the core of what I am creating, applying what works for individuals to businesses.

Circling the bull

The way I've approached setting up World Changing Business has been every way but direct. 

Conflicted by the drive to hit the ground running and knowing that I needed rest I felt double-sided guilt. I felt guilty for not resting when I was working and guilty for resting when I wasn’t working. I felt really guilty every time a friendly face asked innocently, ‘How is your new business going?’

What I know is that I am unearthing a framework that already exists inside me. I can see the bigger picture through a haze, but I haven't yet put the pieces together. It’s like I've got a 1000 piece puzzle out on the coffee table with no box. I see the pieces but I'm avoiding it. There’s no room for my coffee mug on the coffee table, but the puzzle stays. Collecting dust. 

The puzzle is scary. The deep existential crisis of actually finishing the puzzle. Because what if there's a piece missing? 

Luckily, I have a great support network around me. People who are willing to ask me the hard questions and pull me out of periods of introspection, as I practice doing the same for myself. 

Lesson 2: I am not alone

I get so much out of the catch ups I've had with friends and connections. It's helped stretch my thinking as well as create accountability.

Knowing that I am embarking on an archeology dig within me, I acknowledged I needed help and focus. Which led me to engage a book coach. What better way to write down ideas in a cohesive fashion than by writing a book.

 Kylie’s bangers

I have blind spots, writing books is not something I am experienced in, and I love accountability, so it was an easy decision to engage Kylie. 

Kylie has provided a banger of an insight in the two sessions we’ve had to date that have propelled me forward. 

The first bit of insight was ‘Bailey, you’re fucking around.’

There's no better gift you can give someone than a reflection of what you're seeing, that they're not. I wasn't letting myself see that I was fucking around. But you know what? I was fucking around. And the next day I stopped fucking around. 

I added more structure into my day and became a smidge more focused. 

The next insight that Kylie gave me after reviewing my draft detailed book plan was ‘Bailey, you're trying to talk to too many people.’ As a product person that hurt. Because I knew it was true. In my indirectness of approach to creating a business I seemed to forget about the innate skills that I bring to the table. 

Every product person knows it's better to go deep and serve one customer really well than to go wide and serve many averagely, yet this is what I was trying to do. 

I wanted to speak to the employee who's wanting to create change in their day job, the founder of a new business, business executives, middle managers. Every one of these potential readers have unique problems and perspectives and it wouldn't be doing any of them a service to put out some content that was generalised or where 50% of the information is not useful in their context. 

With that landing Kylie helped tease out clarity and focus, just like I've helped many others tease out in my time coaching leaders. 

We landed on leaders in businesses that are committed to becoming B Corps, which was quite handy as  I was signed up for ‘How to become a B Corp’ training the following week. 

Another banger

At the workshop a fellow participant looked at me pointedly and asked, ‘what size business are you serving?’

To which I said, ‘I could serve any size business.’ The moment the words were out of my mouth I knew I’d made the same error I made with my book plan. I was going too broad. 

This was the point I realised ‘I’m still fucking around’. 

It’s as if my product knowledge seeped from my feet the moment I needed to use it in service to myself. 

My hypothesis walking into that workshop was that businesses that wanted to become B Corps were the primary reader of my book. 

I nullified that hypothesis pretty damn quickly. 

I had both gone too broad and too narrow. Too broad on the stage and size of business I wanted to serve and too narrow with B Corp.

I am on team B Corp, I love B Lab and am inspired by their mission. But B Corp accreditation is an output, not an outcome. 

The outcome is being a purpose driven business that's delivering holistic outcomes to wider stakeholders - shareholders, employees, society and the environment. 

I want to serve purpose driven businesses, not just the ones who are jumping through hoops to get a specific designation.

The pivot point

When I say ‘I’m fucking around’ I'm not saying that my actions to date are not valuable. 

Through fucking around, I have more clarity on the beliefs that are holding me back, the fear of being seen and not being perfect. I am aware that these fears have stopped me from sharing earlier and have kept me safe by approaching my problems indirectly. 

I've also been learning and connecting with others. 

By joining the local Toastmasters Club I have community and a safe space to polish my public speaking skills. I have completed a good chunk of my detailed book plan, which still needs work but is a good starting point. 

In my eyes the book and the business are different sides of the same coin, they flow into each other. The ideas from the book become offerings in my business, experiments through my business become part of the book. 

I have co-founded a startup with a friend I met completing the course that gave me the insight, confidence and tools to take this big leap and hold faith (if at times, intermittently). I’m able to experiment and test out my ideas for effective ways to operate as a purpose driven business and it’s been a great time.

And funnily enough I did not forget to serve one customer well here - we’re focused on serving the community of graduates of the course where we met. We saw so much value in working together that we wanted to create a safe online space for our community to connect and create together. 

So while I’ve been working indirectly, I have made progress and have learned a few things.

More lessons

The funny thing about these things I’ve learned is that I already knew these things. But I did not know them as viscerally as I do now.

Lesson 3: Fear is a choice 

For businesses and people alike, acting from fear is a choice, and a much less enjoyable choice. I am much happier when I am present, and acting on what I would love. Whether that’s spending quality time with my son playing karate with a piece of cardboard in the garage or sitting at my desk editing my ideas after capturing them as a stream of consciousness, I am happy when I am in flow. 

Lesson 4: Fucking around isn’t always a bad thing

Working with Fiona on our startup, spending time on the beach in Whangaparāoa and following my nose of what excites me are all valuable. I feel privileged to have had this time to see where the day takes me. The insights that I've had around how I think and how I work has been immensely powerful. 

Lesson 5: Intention matters 

While I've enjoyed the spaciousness of my days and the freedom it provides, the freedom to approach things however I would like to, I acknowledge that it no longer continues to serve me to be rudderless. I can be both free and focused, it’s not a zero sum game.

Lesson 6: It's easier when you're in service 

Working on our start up has made it clear that working with others and in service of others makes things so much easier. This is a reminder to notice when I’m making things about me, and use that awareness to pivot my focus to the people I want to serve.

A new hypothesis

Using the IDEO designing a business framework, I started to refine my focus.

I became very present, closed my eyes and asked myself, ‘who is best placed to hear this message and take action?’ 

I saw a purpose driven entrepreneur who just got funding for their business, is able to focus on it full time with a small team and is thinking ‘oh fuck, now what?’

My new hypothesis is that my target readers / customers are leaders in funded purpose driven startups. 

It doesn’t have to be software. I realised a long time ago I was more interested in the organisations that build software than the software itself, and what I've learnt has much wider applications than tech. 

My assumption is that the start up stage is the perfect moment to try a new way of approaching business. 

What I would love

I always knew when starting this business that I am the minimum viable product (MVP).

My vision for World Changing Business is way bigger than me. But first, I need to get out of my own way and figure out what the product is so we can grow a business around it. 

While I call it consulting, what this business is about is empowering leaders to operate their business in a way that naturally delivers holistic outcomes.

Last year that personal development curriculum rocked my world. One of my big takeaways from the curriculum is that structure has integrity. The course provided structures that I now use everyday that enable me to acknowledge when I’m acting from my fear, and pivot to acting from what I would love to create in the world. 

In my last role I applied the techniques I use personally in a team context with massive success. One 30 minute meeting completely flipped the experience of two teams that needed to work together under pressure. 

And it’s simple. Have a clear vision, see where you're at today, and determine the best next step. No spectators, only contributors. Be present, say what’s obvious. Co-create a path forward. 

Seeing tools that are normally used to facilitate individuals living a life aligned to their highest potential work just as well in a team environment validated that these concepts can be used in business. Structure has integrity and we can change the structures we use in business day to day - team rituals, decision making frameworks, organisational design - to naturally deliver holistic outcomes. 

I’m not here to tell anyone how to suck eggs or do their work for them. 

Instead of coming in and solving someone’s problems, I'm keen to use my skills of creating clarity, sharing knowledge and empowering others to arm leaders with the tools and confidence to lead purpose driven businesses that deliver on their promises.

So while I'm dealing with immense impostor syndrome, I know this is my path, that this is possible and that it's easier than any of us think.

If we set a clear intention around the purpose of our business, the lifestyles that we want our business to support for ourselves and our people, and the impact we want to make on the world, we can use that intention and supporting structures to follow the path of least resistance to our purpose. 

And so it continues

You might be wondering, am I still fucking around? Well, I will always be me and I treasure the times that I spend going on tangents, learning new things. Discovering new books, finding new thought leaders with interesting ideas. Even writing this blog I got distracted by a blog on medium that listed 44 reasons why capitalism is irredeemable. 

These things inspire me and are the fuel that's driving my action towards building a profitable business that delivers positive societal and environmental outcomes in a way that's enriching for me and my family. And by doing it myself, I can support other businesses to do the same. 

And I can't do this alone. 

It's just me as the MVP, but I'm keen to hear from you. What's resonating? What questions do you have? Do you see an opportunity for us to work together? My commitment is to working with purpose driven businesses that are open to trying something new. 

If you're in a purpose driven business, I'm keen to understand what your challenges are and how you think I can help you deliver on your purpose. 

You may have reached this point and thought that's a lot of dirty laundry to air. Why would anybody who's looking to be hired by others say that they've been fucking around?

Because people need to see behind the curtain. For every success on the outside, there are internal struggles on the inside. Just because people aren't writing about it doesn't mean it's not happening. 

How many entrepreneurs that are looking for funding have to put on a happy face and a lot of confidence and are suffering in silence? 

The reason why I'm being open about my indirect path to where I am is so others know that they're not alone. That you can be brave and take that big leap and still be scared to take the next one. 

It’s a choice. I could choose to act from fear and continue to be indirect and to wait to be perfect. Or I can say fuck it, get comfortable in the discomfort, and take the next leap. 

What comes after the first leap of faith is more leaps, of course. Each time you have to choose. It becomes easier, once you get the hang of it and keep moving forward. 

Want to get bit?

The spider that bit me was an online personal development course that’s running again for New Zealand & Australia from 24 September. 

If you’re intrigued, I recommend signing up for the whole course ($97USD). If you just do the free part, you’re missing out on the real value. 

You can think about that first free course as developing your Peter Tingle (too many Spider-man references?) without learning how to use it. 

Sign up here 🕷