What did I learn about happiness and mind training at a Buddhist monastery in Nepal?

I love connecting with people via good habits like doing sports. I believe this is a conscious way to spend some time together, bond stronger, and most importantly learn even more about each other. Back in September, I met one of my beloved friends, Lena, for a work out. She offered to grab a bite after the session, and I was immediately sold on having some vegan noodles. During our lunch conversation, Lena mentioned Nepal and at that very moment, my intuition told me that I should go to there. This thought stayed with me until I googled meditation retreats in Nepal. It took me seconds to decide on the Meditation and Mind Training Course which would take place at the Kopan Monastery* in Kathmandu, Nepal.  I simply knew nothing about Nepal apart from its geo-location on the map and the unique Nepalese flag that I remember from the world atlas I used to look at when I was a child. However, after practising meditation and mindfulness for some years now, I learned to trust my inner wisdom and not judge my initial decisions any further. 

I flew into Kathmandu in just a few weeks. After spending a couple of days in the country, and taking the shortest (10 min) flight of my life, I was ready for the course that I signed up for. Contrary to my reputation, I did not plan much. In fact, I didn't even know anything about the course structure. All I knew was that I would be staying at a monastery with no distraction for a week, and my aim was to reinforce my meditation and mindfulness practice while I learn new tools that I might utilise in my coaching sessions.

At the end, I spent a fantastic week with 72 people from all over the world who came together around the goal of meditating, being in the moment, training and calming the mind. At the end of the day, rough seas might make stronger sailors, but one cannot sail rough seas without learning how to sail calm waters. Hereby, a brief summary of what I learned at the Kopan Monastery.

In order to find happiness, one should first understand the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism:

• Truth of suffering: Buddhists believe that every living being on this planet suffers, and this is the inevitable truth. While this can be suffering of a physical kind, it can of course have a mental nature. The idea of thinking that everybody suffers sounded quite negative to me in the beginning. However, my perspective changed when I reflected on this and I managed to see how this can actually serve to be more tolerant to others. More on that comes later. 
• Cause of suffering: There are a number of things causing our suffering and these are simply conceptualised in our minds in the light of our previous experiences. Hence, we need to understand what causes and kindles our suffering in order to be able to move forward to our happy places. I will explain three poisons of Buddhism later, as it helps one to put everything in context and start reflecting on suffering in an elaborate way. 
• End of suffering: The concept of impermanence was one of the concepts I loved the most when I learned about it. It simply means everything changes and nothing lasts forever. It beautifully applies here as well. If there is suffering, there is also an end to that. 
• Eightfold Path: In order to end suffering and find happiness one should walk the Eightfold Path.

Right understanding: understanding the four noble truths

Right attitude:  eluding thoughts of greed, attachment, and anger 

Right speech: avoid lying, gossiping, and harsh speech 

Right action: respecting all living beings, no destroying, killing, or stealing 

Right livelihood: avoiding occupations that bring harm to oneself and others 

Right effort:  doing one’s best with a positive state of mind  

Right mindfulness: staying aware and attentive 

Right concentration: keeping the mind calm and focused in order to discover the true nature of things

All steps of the Eightfold Path are quite universal and they can just be considered as the main rules of being a good person. Knowing the steps of a long path to happiness is motivating, but what causes suffering? What are the three things that one should reflect on in order to bring the roots of suffering to light? 

Hereby, the three poisons of Buddhism come into play. Anger, first poison on the list, fosters separation, pushes us to find conflict and enemies wherever we look at. We tend to react quickly in a non-mindful way when we are under the spell of this emotion. Anger is followed by attachment, which is mostly confused with love in the modern world. While attachment could be seen as love, its roots are actually tightly connected to our very own ego. This egocentric inability to practise detachment then becomes one of the main obstacles towards a fulfilled life. Lastly, ignorance blinds us so that we might have a misconception of reality. Ignorance is considered as the father of these poisons as a life driven by ignorance leads to even more anger and attachment.

How do we avoid anger, attachment and ignorance in our lives in order to live a more fulfilling life? 

We should raise our awareness for love, kindness and compassion. If there is love, there is life. Everything starts with love. Hence, we should find out what love means to us, and be open to expanding our definition by living and acting based on love instead of fear. Genuine love doesn’t come with expectations attached. It is important to notice that we are in the court of attachment, when we expect something back in return to our actions. Last but not the least, we should intentionally cultivate kindness towards ourselves and everything around us. This is the only way to avoid being lost in the jungle of ignorance. And when it comes to compassion, as Thubten Zopa Rinpoche from Koran Monastery said:

Live with compassion. Work with compassion. Meditate with compassion. Enjoy with compassion. When problems come, experience them with compassion.

After learning about these concepts and reflecting on them over a month, I came up with 11 reminders for myself to keep in mind moving forward: 

• Start your day with a clear and happy mind without rushing anything. A happy mind = a happy day = a happy life. 
• Set a pure intention when you start something and meet somebody new. Don’t let your doubts dull your sparkle. 
• Everybody wants to live a happy life and everybody has their own coping mechanisms for suffering. Remember that while interacting with people.
• Refuge in silence in-between tasks. Stay calm when something unexpected happens, shift your perspective so that you can see how to benefit from that situation. 
• Understand the difference between love and attachment. Do things that you love without getting attached to them. 
• Find your flow and enjoy the process without being obsessed with any possible outcomes. Happiness is not in the here and now, happiness is here and now. 
• Everything changes. Nothing is permanent. Be at peace with this rule and remember it in turbulent times.
• Don’t waste time. Our time in this world is limited. Do what you really want to do in a mindful way!
• Learn to see challenges as growth opportunities, so that you can understand life and train your mind better. 
• Practise active and deep listening even more to allow others to express themselves fully, and when you speak let your words heal not wound. 
• Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Be grateful for everything marvellous you have access to, and remember how many people behind the scenes work for you to get them.

My curiosity took me to Nepal to learn more about meditation and mind training, and this course helped me reflect on my previous learnings even further. I felt called to share my experience with others, and I would love it if this could help anyone in any way. That being said, if it all makes sense to you, please feel free to take and practise the parts that you like the most. If it doesn’t resonate with you, no sweat, just leave it behind or share it with someone who you think might benefit from it.

This entire experience helped me see the power of like-minded people coming together. I aim to create small groups in which people with similar challenges gather to exchange ideas, learn and grow together. If this sounds interesting to you, please share your details here so that we can stay in touch in the near future.

With love,

Orkun

*If you are interested in the courses given at Kopan Monastery, you can find the list of future courses here. I would highly recommend the meditation and mind training course.  No, you don’t have to know anything about Buddhism or become a Buddhist to join their courses. I didn’t become a Buddhist, or felt forced in any way. The people I met there were just lovely. 

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