What every leader ought to know about doing addiction

I will put my hands up right away and say that I am a recovering doing-addict. I used to be spinning all the plates, getting over-involved with my teams’ work, while attempting to be an excellent friend, supportive daughter etc etc.

Until, I burnt out.

I was running events that moved around Europe for Intel Corporation and while I loved the job, I was running fast in my head, not sleeping well, and developing an anxiety-backed catastrophising tendency. It spiralled until I could barely sleep at all.

That doing addiction moved into trying to ‘solve’ the anxiety I was experiencing. Maybe if I could just think differently, I would feel better?

More pushing, more thinking.

There had to be a better way.

Why are many of us addicted to doing?

The interesting thing about doing is that it is adrenaline-fueled. Adrenaline is an addictive hormone. This means that the easiest thing to do is just to keep doing. It provides a false sense of satisfaction to be answering all the emails, responding to all the messages. A never-ending treadmill for leaders.

As my last Conscious Leaders Podcast guest, Chris Phippen, put – it is the ‘shallow pleasures’ the ones that gives us immediate gratification but leave us feeling a bit empty. The social media checking, responding to every email or general endless tick-lists.

Let me set something straight here; I do think productivity is an excellent thing to be pursuing. But most people are not really pursuing productivity, they are pursuing busy.

While we hope we will feel rewarded, we just end up feeling pulled in many directions.

Symptoms of doing addiction

When I am coaching and facilitating leaders, I often find many doing-addicts. It feeds their sense of self-esteem in false ways.

The mistakes they are making (and I say this as a recovering doing-addict myself) are:

·       Control - taking on too much responsibility and not delegating enough

·       Boundaries - not creating enough space between work and personal life

·       Focus – not having enough ‘focus-time’ where they have undisturbed work

·       Striving hard - Trying to A* their leadership/ parenthood/ relationship/ support for friends/ parents

The dangers of allowing this to continue

To continue my own story above, when a big life event happens and you are already maxed, this can lead to a spiral. For me, this also led to low mood and anxiety and trying to ‘fix’ myself i.e. applying the same doing-addicted ways to the problem itself.

I was trying to dig myself out of a hole but instead I was just digging myself deeper. Layering on the self-criticism that I was not good enough.

Until I dropped fully into the hole and it felt nearly impossible to get out.

This is why I say from a deep place; step off that treadmill early. Then keep re-evaluating when you find yourself stepping back on.

'Peace is always right here. You just have to create space for it' ~ Carol Tuttle

The antidote to doing-addiction

What I have discovered through my own experience and 8 years coaching and facilitating leaders, is that we need to find our own sense of space.

Space is the antidote to doing-addiction. It is the gap between

·       The surge of anger and the reaction

·       The just doing it because ‘it is easier if I do it myself’ and empowering a team member

·       The low mood and the self-judgement

·       Saying yes and allowing yourself to say no

Ways to create space

Some of these methods are things we can implement right away and others are slower burns. See what resonates for you.

1.       Plan your week and allow for ‘focus-time’ – blocked, quiet work-time where you can prioritise your own tasks that need doing. Protect this time fiercely. I know people who do not take meetings on Fridays or Weds mornings for example. We all have different rhythms – find what works for you.

2.       Allow for radical delegation – as a senior leader in an organisation, your task is less about the doing and more about the enablement of others to ‘do’ effectively. Where is your time best spent? What type of works fires you up? We all must do things we do not enjoy but what can you move away from?

3.       Stop fixing – it can be temping to start trying to resolve all our teams’ problems. Next time, when someone brings you a problem, this could be as simple as asking them ‘what question are you trying to answer?’,  ‘what options do you have?’ and ‘what are your best first steps?’ By conversing in this way, we enable others to solve their own issues.

4.       Cultivate the ability to be – being is an art form. It can feel icky or difficult to stop but that is because it is a muscle we can build. For some this is time in nature, for others its meditation. This may not be easy at first but recognise it is a practice. You are not trying to achieve a calm state, you are noticing and bringing your attention back to your breath, the greenery. I have trained many leaders in meditation and getting away from applying the same achievement-focus is half the process. You are whole and complete just as you are.

5.       Seek support – this may be in the form of a peer or a coach - who else can you associate with that is not just on the doing-train? Talk about what is helping you manage productivity over busyness. Cultivate the space together.

Why bother?

I share this sincerely because I know how (excuse my swearing but it is necessary) awfully shit it is to be at the bottom of a hole. It is the worst place to be and everything feels bleak. I talk with many leaders at this point – things have got bad and it is difficult to see the wood for the trees.

Here we take a different approach.

But before we get there, prioritise the space around the doing, know that is natural to feel addicted and keep stepping back to re-evaluate.

It may be worth asking yourself the question; what are the biggest reason in my life for creating more space? I mean the real reasons, the things that matter the most.

[Worth a pause]

Tapping into the reasons beyond the superficial can give us the kick we need to commit more fully to the change we need.

Written by Ruth Farenga, Founder, Conscious Leaders - good to great leadership for senior leaders in technology.

For more information on our services, the Next Level Leadership book and the Conscious Leaders Podcast visit consciousleaders.org.uk