What I Learnt from Milton Erickson

Milton Erickson’s innovative way of working with people is legendary. I had the opportunity to learn about Milton from Dick and it was so very incredible. Dick helped me model Erickson, and i took full opportunity of that day and modelled him twice, in every way he could be modelled. and today Iam sharing with you “ten rules.” They seem simple, and they are. But most of life, Most of therapy, is simple–or as I say, when I am Sharing what I learnt about Erickson from Dick and Steve: “Erickson was profoundly simple and simply profound.”

1. Life is hard work. 

We all know this—but we don’t know how deep it really is. We are the only creature on earth who looks for hard work. Nothing and nobody else climbs a mountain “because it’s there” as George Mallory is famously quoted. Nobody goes for a Scuba or a Sky dive, and sure enough No other living thing trains for a marathon—to run 26 miles faster than someone else merely for fun. People are hard-wired for hard work—we complete one task and look for another.”

2. Life is unfair.

Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Intellectually, we all know that life simply isn’t fair. But we like to forget that. Iam sure each of you reading this, has, has had, and will probably continue to have an extraordinarily rich life when compared to the vast majority of humans on earth. {to all the NLPers reading this, did you get the Language pattern I used in that Line, its one of Erickson's Classic Presupposition} We’re richer, had better opportunities for education, come from better families, better fed, better housed, and have more opportunities than most humans who have ever lived on earth. Now, That’s not fair to the others ! If we want to complain how “unfair” something, anything is, we first should compare ourselves to others in the world. But, typical of human beings, we always pick those richer, smarter, younger, better-looking…on and on. “That’s not fair… .” Erickson knew, as we all know, even children know what’s fair and what’s not.

3. Life is filled with pain.

If we are alive, we will have suffering. Our heart gets broken, our had gets broken, our car gets dashed, we lose our job, our parents, our lover and our friends. We hurt and we get hurt too ! We forget that pain is natural—parents die, and hopefully before their children. If we fall, we well might hurt ourselves. People’s bodies aren’t perfect—we get a gland but we get operated on. Accidents happen. Some pain is temporary. What hurts today may well be forgotten tomorrow. And some pain is absolutely nothing but pain. May be that is the cost of being alive. and I can be sure today, as sure as you could be with me today, that "pain disappears when we cease to exist. Boris Pasternak said: “How wonderful to be alive…. But why does it always hurt?”

Erickson would say There is going to be pain, emotional, physical, mental, and so on .. and he would further say, Learning which to focus on is always going to be your choice. and its that choice, that changes everything for that person.. who else other than the great Erickson would have the authority to say that, because, He felt physical pain a great deal of his adult life; some of it excruciating. I never read anywhere of him complain. It was what it was; no one could stop or carry it for him.

4. Everything ends.

Thank God! Who wants to have a childhood crawling forever? or the lactating phase? Who wants or needs to remember mistreatment, abuse, financial loss or betrayal? Conventional wisdom, and probably truth, is that we really can’t forget anything; it’s encoded within for as long as we are fortunate enough to have our minds.

But we can dismiss memories we don’t want–once they are processed and we accept nothing more can be done. We can metaphorically put them in a box on a shelf in the attic or in the garage much as we put a winter clothes away. (that is what we learn in the Dissociation of NLP techniques). The cost for “everything ends” is pure and simple—happiness ends too. 

5. Every choice costs.

Unfortunately, but also fortunately, we can’t know the future. So we never know the full cost or benefit of any choice. If you follow Erickson’s rules, however, it’s “not fair” to blame yourself for poor consequences of any thoughtful choice You thought, considered, wondered, and then made the best choice you could make.

Some choices turn out as good, as we had planned, thought and hoped. Some choices have unexpected good or bad consequences. Children know this benefit automatically–mistakes teach us. Does anyone brush right the very first time?

6. The law of averages is usually correct—that’s why it’s called the law of averages.

If you are into sales, and you call one prospect – there may or may not be a change of closing that deal. But if you call 10 prosects, there could be a higher probability to get them to sign up. If you live in the suburbs of Mumbai you already know the importance of asking as many autoRikshaw driver to come to your destination. The more you ask, the more probalility that you get a dirver to drive you to your destination. The Law of average always works, doesn’t matter who you are, it works. A leader understands it and works along side of this law, they don’t fight it or challenge it, the work with it. Succesful people understands this.

7. Change is the only constant.

You, me, rivers, mountains, the earth—everything. So we might as well figure out how to live with it, to change what we can, and live tolerantly (or happily!) with the rest. Time can’t be frozen or reversed. Acceptance of reality is a real Masterpiece of Erickson’s work. When we accept what is possible, we can then influence more of what we want. Like dick would say, What we resist persists, and what we accept transforms” things change, people change, the one we love change, you change too, our likes and dieslikes change too.

8. It is what’s in our head and heart that really matters. (our Map)

Life can be filled with joy, happiness and delight; that same life could be filled with misery, unhappiness and fear. What we focus on, our definitions become our life. Perceptions are very different—David faught the same Goliath, that the villagers found dangerous! Its all in the head – indeed ! the viligers said, “he is so big how could we hit” and David said, “ he is so big, how could I miss” Part of Erickson’s legacy is embodied in the phrase, “Stop and smell the roses.” He also taught us to see and enjoy humor in life and have curiosity about it.

9. There is always an unknown component

This could be Luck, or grace.. or it could be bad luck or disgrace.. Or it could be both .. No one “merits” cruel parents—or winning the lottery. Most of the time, preparation and hard work bring reward. But sometimes it helps to be in the right place at the right time.

Every one of us can look back and see a time when we were lucky enough to have had a wonderful opportunity. If we were prepared, and jumped on that opening, we benefitted from merit and good luck. We did the hard work of preparation, had faith in that hard work, and were also in the right place at the right time.

10. Keep it simple

Life is to Live, So Live it – don’t over analyse it, or rationalize it, or explain it too much – keep it simple, yes! Just Live on! —and learn how to play it better. This rule, the last one Iam sharing, this truly exemplifies one of the basic gifts of Erickson’s work. It is simply profound and profoundly simple.

We are all born, live and then we die. We begin our journey toward death the moment we are born…some take longer to get to the end than other. There is nothing more simple than that.

Dick said this in one of the sessions of NLP, and I quote him, "Human beings seem compelled to complicate their lives, to make simple issues difficult. None of us have lived this moment before. Of course we make mistakes. And that’s ok. We can always learn. Keep it simple, Mary (he said this to one of the participants, as he worked with her on the chair"