What is the Intent of Your Content?

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my coaching alliance partners recently. 

This person posed these questions:

"Since everyone has a unique map of the world, how does effective communication happen?  How do disputes get resolved?  How do we break down silos?"

Great questions!  And they speak volumes about the mind that originated them.  

What a robust conversation these questions sparked as well, particularly around conflict resolution.

Often times, a person is so entrenched in their way of thinking, their perspective, their opinions, that they are either no longer able to effectively converse with a person who has a different point of view, or they have no desire to do so in the first place.

Sounds a lot like our US government...but that's a topic for another article...

In the many, many times I've been responsible for mediating conflicts in my leadership and coaching roles, I often find that at the root cause of the inability or unwillingness to "seek first to understand, then be understood," as the brilliant, late author Stephen Covey stated, is an insidious spark of insecurity with one's self, or one's beliefs.

So deep-seated is this self-doubt that it often shows up as arrogance, dismissiveness, condescension, or an unwillingness to listen to or engage anyone who thinks differently.

Think about that.

Someone who is self-confident and self-assured has no need to be right, or to have things always go their way. 

They can listen openly, easily, and even respectfully to the ideas and opinions of others.

They can authentically engage in a conversation, which, by definition, is at least two-ways.

They can agree to disagree agreeably.

They have no need to convert while conversing.

If this is at times a struggle for you, ask yourself these questions:

• "What is the intent of my content?  Am I trying to convert them to my way of thinking?"
• "Am I seeking to understand the other person first?  Or am I just waiting for them to stop talking so that I can speak?"
• "How have I demonstrated a genuine sense of curiosity about the other person and where they're coming from?"
• "What questions have I asked the other person to find out more about them and their circumstance?"
• "How can I seek the win-win in this scenario?"
• "Is it more important for me to be right?  To win?  Or to move the situation forward?"

Granted, there is no one-size fits all approach to every situation, but more often than not, seeking first to understand tends to be a barrier-breaker.  

Effective leadership seeks to understand first.

Honoring the journey of the soul concerned seeks to understand first.

Selflessness seeks to understand first.

Compromise seeks to understand first.

Conflict resolution seeks to understand first.

Skeptical? 

If so, I'd bet you've never attempted these approaches with consistency, genuine curiosity, and patience, combined with a level of respect for the other person / people as human beings worthy of such, regardless of opinion.

I encourage you to challenge yourself to test this.

You might be astounded by how much satisfaction, growth, and progress you experience- personally and professionally.

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Deb Dredden is a leading Mindset Expert and Master Executive Coach and is the Founder of Deb Dredden Transformational Coaching, LLC., one of the most sought-after coaching practices based in Salt Lake City, Utah. 

In addition to running her own company, Deb is a Founding Member and Faculty of the Conscious Coaching Academy, the world’s only Elite Influencer Coaching Accreditation™️.

At a high level, Deb specializes in helping Executives discover their inner genius through the power of the coaching process, enabling them to maximize and thrive in every area of their lives.

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