What Martial Arts Taught Me
When I was a kid, my parents signed me up for martial arts classes. This was only a few years after immigrating to Canada. Though I spoke English by that time, my vocabulary was minimal, and so was my confidence. I was painfully shy, barely spoke in public, and, as it turned out, had absolutely no skill for martial arts. I did, however, possess a deep interest that allowed me to connect with the philosophy, training, and discipline. And just as importantly, I had a truly outstanding martial arts instructor from whom I learned not only about martial philosophy, weapons training, self-defense, and sparring, but many life lessons as well. Besides my parents, it was he who helped lay a solid foundation in my life. From this foundation, I was able to develop further, empower, and open up to a degree I don't think would have been possible until much later in life. Thank you to my parents first of all for this, and thank you to Sensei Mick Walsh.
I'd like to share some of what "training" entailed. First of all, every student received goal sheets - adults as well as children. We all had to think over and write down our current, mid, and long-range goals. We then had to break these down into smaller steps that we could do each day. Every now and then, each student would be called into Sensei Walsh's office to review his or her progress. He would ask how we were doing, how things were at home, how things were going in school, if there was bullying of any sort at school (or work if you were an adult), and if there was anything that hindered us in any way. If so, he would try to help us find solutions and follow up with us later. He remembered everyone's name and made everyone feel like the dojo was his or her home. I remember that as an eight-year-old feeling surprised to hear him tell us that only two percent of North Americans had written goals. Although you hear a lot about goals and visualizing your dreams nowadays with speakers such as Dr. Wayne Dyer and Tony Robbins, and many others, you have to remember that in the 1980s, this was practically unheard of.
To demonstrate how we were to visualize, think about, and thus, manifest our dreams more quickly, he told us about one of his personal goals. He wanted to own his own home. That's nice. That's what a lot of people say. Sensei Walsh, however, did not stop there. Next, he defined his goal and told us how it made him feel to think about it. He described the exact layout, the colour scheme, the backyard, the front yard, the number of rooms it had, and their location. He even told us what kind of furniture and art we would find in those rooms. Years later, he purchased a home. That year he invited the instructors to a holiday party at his place. At one point, I needed to find the bathroom, and rather than ask him where it was; I decided to see if the home matched his earlier vision. Guess what? The bathroom was precisely where he said it would be some ten years earlier. Not only that, the entire house was laid out and decorated pretty much as he had described. I felt like I had been there many times before based on his detailed descriptions.
During practice sessions, if there was a new student, one of the more experienced students was sent to help explain and practice with the newbie. This was tough for me at first due to my lack of confidence and experience. Sensei Walsh told us that even if you had only been here a little while, you have something you can now give back and share. When you receive something, it is important to share it and help others as you, too, have been helped. Also, you learn just as much, if not more, by teaching what you have learned. It allows you to practice from a different angle, so your mind has a chance to absorb the information even further. Of course, he was watching all the time and came over to make corrections when needed, so you never felt like this poor newbies' entire first impression depended solely on you. Nowadays, they call this "kinesthetic learning" - back then, it was considered part of our regular training to both reinforce information and share knowledge to help others in their learning journey.
Over time, every student was asked to lead a warm-up or demonstrate a technique. These were little steps that helped all the shy kids slowly get over their self-consciousness. It also reigned in the exhibitionists because they were not allowed to take over and be the center of attention. They learned the benefits of patience and humility. The entire underlying premise was the subjugation of the ego. This was ingrained in us in many ways, through stories of warriors from the past who had acted in humble and humane ways, doing good as they went through life. Also, through personal examples, when someone acted unselfishly and helped another, they were recognized for this but not showcased in a flashy manner. Sensei Walsh was smart in that he married philosophy with the practical nitty-gritty of everyday life.
During tournaments, specialty training camps, and demonstrations, everyone had a job they were responsible for. It was always OK to make mistakes or be honest about not feeling comfortable with a particular task (I.e., going up on stage in front of a group of thousands of viewers to announce and talk about the upcoming demonstration). You were encouraged to overcome your fears and discomforts with positive self-talk, deep breathing, visualization techniques, and an "I can do this!" attitude. Sensei was always there with us for support and afterward for a congratulatory high five and pat on the back that said, "See, I knew you could do it." If someone made a mistake, it was never a big deal. You were quietly corrected and told to try again. The constant, vigilant correcting of students, according to their level, kept us constantly improving. – If we put in the time and effort.
As I got older and gained more experience, I started taking on more of the teaching. Not just in the dojo, but outside in the neighbourhood school and summer camps as well. We ran specialty courses for women, for the elderly, and did many free community events. Whoah! Public speaking just got a whole lot bigger! My self-consciousness began to subside, as I felt safe to learn and make mistakes in a supportive, positive, and inspiring environment.
I loved the training, even though I was afraid of sparring because I was afraid of getting hurt. However, one day when I was thrown over another student's shoulder quite suddenly and unexpectedly, I came to a realization while lying on the floor that I was actually OK. Not only was I OK, but also without thinking, I instinctively broke my fall and reacted exactly as I had trained. A light bulb went up - wow, this "muscle memory stuff" actually works! Instantly, my fear of sparring disappeared, and I started showing up for the sparring classes more often. We were constantly told to train as if it was real life. If you only put in 50%, that is what you will get back. I have found this to be true of most things in life. You get what you give.
Allow me to share a little tip with all the parents out there: If your teenager has a place or activity where they are able to de-stress in a safe manner via a sport or serious hobby, you will both be much happier. I was a perfectionist due to low self-esteem and also had a lot of pent-up energy as a kid and teen. Having a place where I could kick and punch and scream, do intense workouts, and fun physical challenges with my fellow students helped me redirect a lot of that inner tension and spastic energy. It also greatly calmed me and focused my mind, which made studying easier. By the time the class finished, I had not only physically tired myself out but mentally relaxed as well. Everyone in my family was happier with me training daily.
Part of our training included specialty psychology lessons on human behaviour: How to teach different types of learners, what types of words are motivational and uplifting vs. which ones to avoid. We also read many books and learned about proper and safe warm-up techniques, first aid, CPR, how to take control in an emergency, how to navigate and address upset parents or students (I.e., if you fail a student in a grading or test), how to properly and clearly explain school contracts, how to take payments, how to write receipts, how to file all incoming information from every person that walks through your door, how to professionally answer the phone and accurately take down information, and how to handle bounced cheques. We also studied marketing techniques, including what colours cause the human brain to retain information (yellow, for example). All these things were a part of our "training" too.
Besides martial arts, the students got incredible extra training in various areas of life. In my case, I started learning these valuable insights at the age of eight. By the time I was 12, I was running little side businesses in school and privately. I was also actively studying psychology and marketing by reading everything I could at the local library in Flemingdon Park. We were constantly tested and encouraged to engage in personal development and regularly volunteer in different ways throughout the neighbourhood to help us maintain a down-to-earth attitude. The thing is, most of us at the dojo did not have an overinflated head to begin with since pretty much nobody had much money.
I grew up in a place where poor immigrants move to when they first arrive in Toronto. There was government housing, less expensive buildings, and townhouse or row house options. There were Jamaicans, Koreans, Filipinos, Indians, and a few Eastern Europeans who escaped from Communist countries, like my family. The thing is, when you are a kid, you don't know that you are considered "below the median standard" by the rest of society. I have to say, though, that I had many happy times in Flemingdon Park, and I am grateful I grew up there during that time because it was a wonderful learning experience. This rich and diverse cultural education was a gift that gave me yet another invaluable perspective on life.
For a young teenager to have an opportunity to learn how to handle stressful situations, practice and become better public speakers, learn to handle simple business transactions and money, be responsible for opening and closing and setting up the alarm system, preparing and leading classes, giving inspiring talks, putting together demonstrations, addressing crowds, ordering merchandise, deal with disappointment gracefully, learn the benefits of delayed gratification, experience personal successes through diligent hard work, focus attention on goals and see them through, overcome fears and understand that to grow you must challenge yourself (that's right, you need to get out of your comfort zone) and not give up even when things don't go according to plan are invaluable - empowering - lessons for kids and adults alike.
No one was given a free pass. We all had to work hard toward our goals. Fears were actively faced. Disappointment was dealt with and not something that would cause someone to go off the deep end. Anger was also dealt with accordingly. Conscientious behaviour, accountability, and personal responsibility were extremely important and deeply ingrained in us. No one got away with anything. You were expected to conduct yourself with grace, compassion, and even tough love when necessary. Not only in the dojo but outside as well. If it was known that someone had acted poorly or was fighting outside the dojo, they were disciplined and, if things didn't change, dismissed from the school. Bad attitudes had to be changed, even with adults. There were no exceptions. We quickly learned that there were consequences to actions and that words were powerful. You were expected to honour what you said, so we learned to be mindful of our speech. When you entered the dojo, you left behind the screaming boss, the sick kids, the bullies, the job loss, the headache, the heartache, the backache, the hunger, the fatigue, your negative self-talk, and with utter humility, you bowed in and did your best to empty your mind of everything in your outside world and be fully present while giving everything you had at that moment.
Right here, right now, you are here for you and no one else. You were present in both mind and body. A walking Zen meditation of learning to keep your mind in the now while navigating your ego as "things" came up during the training.
Some people expect to be given things for free; they don't have the discipline and tenacity to work through problems until they find a solution. They get discouraged easily and then have the audacity to complain that things always seem to go wrong for them, that it is never their fault but someone or something else's.
While there are genuine scenarios where trauma has shaped this perspective and sadly, broken down a person to a point where they feel deeply stuck, there are also those who are simply lazy and not willing to put in the work or be honest with themselves and take steps to create real change in there lives. This worldview belongs to someone who does not take responsibility for their own lives or their actions. Sadly, many who think like this grew up not having the opportunity to get to know how good it feels to earn something yourself. That's right, folks, I said earn, not breeze through, and expect others to make accommodations or excuses on your behalf.
When you come across someone who truly is stuck, however, please remember to have compassion and be the light that helps them begin to remember their spark and purpose. Kindness never goes out of style, and it's something that we should all strive towards cultivating. Everyone has their demons; no one gets a pass through life; keep this in mind when someone takes a jab at you. However, also remember that sometimes tough love and honesty do more than ten years of simply talking about problems.
I am very grateful to have had this experience growing up. It shaped me in many ways, which later led to opportunities I would never have had the confidence or self-belief to go for. I learned many of these powerful lessons through my martial arts training and instructor.
There are many inspirational instructors in all kinds of fields: from music to art to sports and more. It is never too early to start teaching a child concepts such as responsibility, accountability, earning success, and feeling successful through their own actions and decisions. By the same token, I say this to our adult friends as well. It is never too late to learn these positive and powerful concepts. If you aren't satisfied with your life and you continue to do things as you have been doing them and continue to think the way you have been thinking, it is ludicrous to expect or even hope that your life will change for the better. If you want things in your life to change, you are going to have to change things in your life.
Growing up in a positive environment where (gasp!) you are held accountable for everything you say, do, and even think, regardless of age (even the five-year-olds), is the type of training and foundation any parent would be happy to be able to offer their kids outside of the home. Needless to say, this should be going on inside the home as well. The two reinforce each other. Giving people, especially children, a sense of responsibility and holding them accountable for their actions will help them become better decision-makers, aid them in developing a depth of vision, have a greater appreciation for others and the things they have, as well as instill greater confidence in themselves. That is the kind of foundation I want to see in the next generation. In all generations in fact.
This article really isn't about martial arts. It is about the powerful benefits of having an inspirational mentor, coach, parent, sibling, or teacher. This could be a music teacher, a business or athletic coach, a boss, or even a neighbour or family member. The point is, surround yourself with those you can learn from and who take a genuine interest in your personal development and happiness. By the same token, be that person yourself. Encourage, uplift, and inspire people to be the very best version of themselves. Reflect that back to them through your own actions.
People have so much more ability and potential than even they believe. It is just waiting to be explored, and oftentimes the only thing needed for them to believe in themselves is to have someone else believe in them first.