What are the ten most important things to you?

For most that know me, they know I have been blessed to be a full-time caregiver for my mom since her husband passed away 9 years ago. Many of us are in a very similar situation and call us the glorious term “The Sandwich Generation”. That is for those of us who raise or are raising our kids then take on the responsibility for the care of our parents. I have many colleagues and friends who have made and will make the decision I made 9 years ago, to try and give our parents the best for the rest of their life. Anyone who has ever made that decision or will make that decision, will understand it is a commitment of heart, time, patience (oh my!) and money. There are many days when it is a struggle and then backed up by soul worthy days to make it all worth it.

So, Angie explain the title here, right? It’s coming, I promise. So, when I made the move to Tennessee over the summer, I was blessed to move next door to a newly retired senior living administrator for the largest facility here in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. What a gift she has been to me in so many ways! We recently had one of those “hard” weeks with my mom, and she gave me some amazing council which inspired this article, and I thought I would share. She said “Angie, when our seniors arrive and are struggling, I ask my staff to name the top ten things in your life that are the most important to you? Spouse, Children, Independence, Finances, Health, Job, Faith, Home, Travel, Pets, and so on. Now, she said, start taking each one of those away as you get older to where out of the ten, you may only have two left if you are lucky? And begin to understand why the hard days are more often than the good days, the loss of these things can be emotionally devastating, and some just cope better than others with that reality.” I thought wow, she is saying something I never truly considered. How do we look forward to something when there is nothing to look forward to? Ouch, and in my mind, I wanted my mom to just pull up those bootstraps and be happy! Now there are some older people, like my father, who is turning 90 in January, are still making the very best of life, with daily walks at his retirement home, working out at the gym, being an ambassador for the home he is in, and being the favorite local guitarist at the retirement home hangout. I wish all could plan and be as fortunate to end their life as well as my sweet Dad, but unfortunately, he is the exception and not the norm. Why is that?

Do we stop living sometimes at a certain point, or even expect people to stop living? I was saddened like most when Queen Elizabeth died at 96 and left behind an amazing legacy. One of my favorite quotes is “When life seems hard, the courageous do not lie down and accept defeat; instead, they are all the more determined to struggle for a better future.” It's obvious why she was so admired for her leadership and courage. She was asked towards the very end of her life, “ What do you attribute to your longevity in life and as a Monarch?”, and she said, “I just keep on moving and living and I know that once I stop doing that, I will no longer be here,” and that is what she truly did to the very end.

So, the real question is what are the top ten things most important to you? And should we all just work hard to appreciate each day and everyone in them while we keep moving? Is it that simple? I do not know but for me I say yes! Give more, walk more, spend more time with difficult others, love more, and appreciate more. I want to put that into practice and always remind myself to “Lead with kindness,” as one of my new favorite humans, Hal Donaldson says. Life is short for all of us, so enjoy every moment and make sure you appreciate your top ten while we have them.