What Triggers Your Impostor Syndrome?

"You're allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You're allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough." — Daniell Koepke

Impostor syndrome. That feeling of self-doubt. That voice that tells us, "I'm not good enough," and "I don't belong here." In a previous newsletter, we started our deep dive into the different types of impostors that show up in our lives. Did you recognize and confront your impostor? Today, I'd like to talk more about the triggers for our impostor syndrome. The experience or stimulus that causes our impostor syndrome to rear its head once again.

Let's start with the first one. Bias. See, the stats say that at least 80% of Americans suffer from impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. But for women and people from marginalized communities, those numbers are even higher, especially when you are often the first and the only.

Why is that? Because we are often in spaces telling us that we are impostors here. That we aren’t good enough. That we aren’t competent enough. We only got here because someone overlooked a fault on our resume or decided to give us an extra push. And when we look around and see that our identities aren't represented, that our way of experiencing the world isn’t validated, then we think that maybe they’re right and we don’t belong here. 

And what if they are right? What if I do not belong? What if I do not succeed? What if I am in over the head? What if there is something wrong with me? That’s what bias does to you. And when you constantly have to prove yourself over and over again, when you realize that you get criticized for the same behavior that gets praised by people of other identities, when your body of work is never sufficient to get to that next level of success, then you really will feel that you don’t belong here at all. A perfect storm for impostor syndrome.

Let's keep going. Another trigger for impostor syndrome? Competition. Many of us work in fields where we compete against each other for work, promotions, and recognition. And with that competition comes the expectation that we have to be the best and fail when we lose. We fail our clients, we fail our colleagues, we fail our company, and we fail ourselves.

So perfection is the name of the game. A third trigger. Because we have to be perfect. We have to look like we know the answers. Because the environments in which we work expect us to know the answers. We can’t doubt ourselves. We can’t second guess our conclusions. Type A confidence all the way. That's what leaders do, right?

But you know what we can’t do is make it look hard. I have to make it look easy. Got that filing done at 2 am and still showed up for that 8 am meeting. Congratulations, what a great job you did! Oh, that, it was nothing. Haven’t slept in three days, that’s not a problem. Forgot to eat food again, power through. I just got to bed, and my manager needs me to reply to an email at 10 pm at night, easy. It can’t be hard. It can’t look hard. Because in this culture, you’re prized if you show how effortless it all is. Let me post on Instagram how easy it is to manage my three children and my full-time job, get meals on the table, and still have nights out with friends. My life is glossy, and everything is fine. See, we often get validation from showing how perfect we are. And if I’m scrolling through social media and looking at the person who has it all, how much of a screw-up I must be because I cannot get any of it together. It’s easy for them, but it’s hard for me, so there is something wrong with me. I'm the impostor here.

And the thing about it is, I’m working so hard, and I’m still not getting there. I feel like I'm stuck in a maze at this job, and there's no map to help me get out. Because we work in spaces where it’s not often clear how you succeed. How do I get a sponsor? How do I get that high-profile client? How do I get that promotion? What are the success metrics? What are the competencies? What do I need to do? How can I navigate this maze? The success seems arbitrary, so even when I put in the work, I don’t get anywhere. But other people are succeeding, so again, something must be wrong with me.

Which means I’m going to go back to my desk. I’m going to sit behind my desk. And I’m going to be alone. Loneliness. That's my final trigger for impostor syndrome. Many of us work in solitude despite our many emails and phone calls. We don’t have our people to listen to our ideas, help us with our decisions, shoot the breeze with us, tell us we did great, and pull us out of our rut when something goes wrong. Instead, we have solitude, so thick and strong that it might as well be a fortress. That’s how professional isolation feels. That’s how impostoir syndrome keeps cutting us down. And before we make this about returning to the office, remember, people still felt like this, even when we were in an office together. 

Those are my triggers for impostor syndrome. Bias. Competiton. Perfection. Making it look easy. Being stuck in a maze. And the sheer loneliness of our work. Those are mine. But what are yours? Think about what your triggers are; think about how they affect you. Because it’s only once we recognize it, that we can start to change it. 

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