What if Your Confidence is Based on a Misconception?

“The proof is in the pudding,” they said.

That moment, more than a decade ago, shook my confidence in ways I didn’t expect.

I was sitting in a top-floor office, captivated by the landscape of tall buildings outside. It was not my first meeting with a senior executive, but I was still trying to blend in—because that is what I thought I should do.

I had come to share my ideas and gather input about how we could more effectively plan and measure our human capital. I was excited. I was ready.

But after presenting my plan, the executive leaned back and said, “Well, Amy, the proof is in the pudding.” The skepticism in their voice cut through me like a knife. I fell silent, allowing that one comment to shrink me.

Welcome to Beyond Your Edge, where we navigate the edge of familiarity—where uncertainty and possibility meet. We will explore the questions, reflections, and actionable steps that will help you break through the boundaries of your current thinking and elevate your leadership. Staying on the edge might feel safe, but it limits your influence, strategic foresight, and connection with those you lead. 

It is time to move beyond it.

The Burden of "Knowing"

My experience reinforced a belief I had carried for far too long: that confidence was about certainty—about always having the answers. I felt I should have proven everything right there in that moment, and when I couldn’t, my confidence faltered.

I am not alone in this belief. In coaching 100s of leaders over the years common misconceptions about confidence have surfaced:

• Confidence means certainty: In truth, the most confident leaders know there is power in saying, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”
• Confidence is innate: It is not something with which you are born. Confidence is a skill you build through learning and experience.
• Confidence comes from perfection: Confidence built on learning embraces mistakes, pivots, and growth as essential elements of leadership.
• Confidence means control: Real confidence is not about controlling outcomes but about creating space for creativity and learning through curiosity.

The expectation that leaders must have all the answers creates unnecessary pressure. This mindset leads to fear of failure, imposter syndrome, and the idea that showing uncertainty will cause others to doubt your abilities. It also discourages seeking help, collaboration, or feedback because doing so feels like admitting weakness.

For many, especially leaders in the C-suite, confidence has been equated with certainty and control. But leadership, in reality, is full of ambiguity and complexity—arenas where certainty is rarely possible. Leaders are most effective not when they have all the answers, but when they know how to navigate the unknown.

What if we released this burden?

What would it look like to flip these misconceptions?

We could go from:

Confidence is knowing

To:

Confidence is learning.

This shift transforms confidence from something fixed into something dynamic. It is no longer tied to the knowledge you already have, but to your openness to adapt, explore, and grow. It is the ability to step into new situations without needing all the answers upfront, trusting that you will figure it out along the way.

We have now released the burden and made confidence accessible to every leader.

Go Beyond Knowing to Learning

Now that we understand confidence is learning, we can begin to view it as a skill that can be developed through curiosity and resilience.

Here are three ways to get started:

1. Learning Why Confidence Feels Uncomfortable

Confidence often feels uncomfortable because it challenges the narratives we have internalized, especially for women who are conditioned to avoid being seen as “difficult” or “too ambitious.” Learning why this discomfort exists, and how to move beyond it, is the first step toward unshakable confidence.

Tip: Ask yourself where your discomfort with confidence comes from.

Is it rooted in fear of judgment or comparison?

How would your leadership change if you stopped worrying about how you would be perceived?

2. Learning How to Seek Feedback with Curiosity

Confidence does not mean dismissing feedback or proving what you know. Confident leaders are deeply curious about how others perceive them because it is a key to expanding their impact. In my work as an executive coach, I guide leaders through feedback conversations that focus on learning and growth, not proving worth.

Tip: Instead of asking, “How did I do?” ask,

“What am I not seeing?” or “How can I refine my approach based on your perspective?”

Confidence grows when you are open to learning from others.

3. Learning to Stop Comparison

Comparison is one of the biggest traps that can stifle learning. Confidence built on learning recognizes that your path is unique—and trying to emulate someone else’s success only pulls you away from your own. Embrace your own journey and let that guide your leadership.

Tip: Focus on what your leadership journey is teaching you. Ask yourself,

“What can I learn from my experiences to make the most impact?” instead of “How do I measure up to others?”

The Courage to Keep Learning

Looking back on my experience, I often wonder:

What if I had responded differently? Instead of shrinking back, what if I had leaned into learning and embraced the uncertainty?

What if, instead of falling silent, I had asked,

“What am I not seeing?” or

“What challenges do you think we will face?”

Would the outcome have changed? Maybe. But more importantly, I would have shown confidence rooted in curiosity, not in the need to prove myself.

This is the shift we are talking about:

Confidence is the courage to keep learning.

So, the next time you find yourself questioning your confidence,

Ask yourself:

Am I trying to know everything, or am I open to learning?

Where am I holding back because I feel like I do not know enough?

How can I step into this moment with curiosity instead of certainty?

Take one step this week—whether by asking a question, seeking feedback, or leaning into uncertainty. You might just find that this shift opens new doors for your growth as a leader.

Keep growing.

Amy

Go beyond reading about confidence:

Download the CARE Future-Focused Assessment and learn about the moves you can take today to go from knowing to learning.

CARE is the measurement of a leader: Curiosity. Adaptability. Resilience. Empathy.

You can also learn more by visiting my website: Growth Minded Leadership