What is Your Identity?

“I yam what I yam

and that’s all I yam”

— Popeye

Who am I?

• How often do you ask that question?

• Upon what aspect of your identity do you hang your hat?

I am a woman.

I am a daughter, sister, aunt, great-aunt, friend, colleague, consultant, business owner, author, coach, facilitator, board member, community citizen, American, speaker, world traveler, dog owner, pet lover, learner, someone who sometimes feels invisible and sometimes feels overpowering energy.

I can be too loud and surprisingly quiet. I spend as much time alone as I do with others. I have a reputation, but you would have to ask each person who knows me what that is to them.

I am clear about my values and act on them every day. So, you will find me to be consistently inclusive, honest, loyal, generous, kind, and hardworking. I show strength but can be pierced and wounded. I rely on my faith in the goodness of humankind to carry me through the difficult moments. I lean toward optimism and forgiveness.

I lead with trust and have learned to have boundaries and recognize relationships that were not meant to be.

I partner my strength with vulnerability.

• Who do you bring to your work? To your family? To your friends?

• Do you feel seen and heard?

• Are you still attached to an identity you may have outgrown and need to shed?

I was having coffee with a colleague who summarized my story of changing situations as ‘shedding some skin.’

Snakes shed their skin to grow. Little hermit crabs find new shell homes as they grow. Why would we be so different as we grow, learn, and evolve?

I like to entertain the questions: “Who am I?” and “What am I not?”

My wish is that my intentions come through clearly and consistently.

If you are utilizing social media platforms it is important to decide upfront, ‘Who am I going to share with whom?’ Remember that we only show a slice of ourselves on any medium.

• What slice of you are you sharing?

We live in a time when not everyone has been seen for their full identity. When that happens, we tend to adopt and use labels to make an unseen identity recognized. Labeling and recognizing are first steps to making visible the invisible.

It is the basic need of the human condition to want to be included, seen, and understood. These needs are the foundation of all people, and the process work I facilitate. It all boils down to how we exchange power.

I would like to spend less time focusing on our differences and more time on our common ground.

Yet, I need to know who I will bring to the table and how the fullness of me will be received.

I do accept that I cannot control how others choose to see me.

In some ways, as a woman, newer to a region originally, working in a field of study that was new, and youngest in the room — I frequently flew under the radar. It sometimes worked to my advantage.

It has been said that we are like an iceberg. Others see what is on the surface but not the significant bulk of identity under the water's edge.

And, with time, we evolve and change in some ways.

I might receive a hint of how my identity shows up for others when a nickname is cast upon me. Recently, the words “Force of Nature” and “Velvet Glove” were related to me.

I accept the nicknames as lovingly given (I hope!) but also hear the feedback they might carry.

I believe that the work of exploring one’s inner landscape is important in becoming the leader, manager, parent, friend, and person you want to travel with in life.

I am not afraid of cracking open the door to pain or patterns or asking myself the hard questions.

It is in the most challenging of times that I and my multiple identities will be tested — and will need all that I have worked to polish.

It is in the dark early evening and morning that this reflective energy holds my attention. It is in the quiet days of the end of the year and edge of the new year that it is fun to ruminate.

• Who greets you in the mirror each morning?

May your sense of identity be of your crafting. May you carry this person with self-compassion. May you find yourself building bridges to others with joy in the sharing of this season!

Leslie

P.S. I am no longer the youngest in the room. But I am still a woman, deeply rooted in the region in which I live, and long-in-tooth in a field that has grown in reputation. It is now that I need to navigate the obstacles and barriers that come with age. Some are natural but most are man-made. I don’t identify with being a senior but am embracing the identity of the wiser, not-ready-to-retire, top-of-her-game contributor in our changing world. What nicknames might I earn in 2025?

"The face is the mirror of the mind,

and eyes, without speaking,

confess the secrets of the heart."

— St. Jerome